a beautiful little adoption post

My friend Margaret and her husband have been on a very long road to being parents and their journey is almost over.  They were blessed bring home a cute little baby boy six months ago and all the paperwork is nearly done.  When I read her post "the end is nigh" I teared up a little bit.  They are wonderful parents and I am so grateful to the birthmother who courageously chose life in so many ways.

Please check out Margaret's post and say a little prayer that all goes well in these last steps of the adoption process.

Marching, marching, marching

Today a quarter of a million people are in Washington D.C. to March for Life.  I hope that when my kids are middle schoolers and older we can make the drive across the country to participate in the March.  But I hope even more that by that time abortion will be illegal and a shameful part of our country's history.

Let me say that I understand many of the reasons parents chose abortion. 

Parenthood is hard.  I had to give up many, many things that I loved in order to be a good and responsible parent.  I continue to make those sacrifices every single day. 

I understand the fear that comes with finding out you're pregnant.  I've held a positive ept and thought, "Oh shit." 

I've wondered where the money will come from and I've worried that I'm just not cut out for the job of motherhood. 

And I have stared long and hard at a baby with special needs, wondering if his life was going to have any good in it at all.  I have thought about the claims that every life has dignity and, looking at a promise of vegetable for a child, I have wondered if it is true.

But despite all that I still know that no matter what I think or feel in a moment there is an absolute truth in this. 
All life is valuable. 
Every person has dignity. 
Every child is a gift. 
God is faithful and generous.

quality of life

We have been very blessed to stay in contact with several of the doctors and nurses who cared for James the night he was born and throughout his NICU stay.  Yesterday I had the privilege of speaking with one of the nurses who worked on James the night he was born.  She shared her experience of the night with me and her words were quite powerful and left me stammering, looking for words. 

She said that once James was alive again there was a feeling of "what have you done?" because of how badly disabled James would be.  But then she told me, and I'm paraphrasing a little bit, "Quality of life is not to be decided by doctors and nurses.  Quality of life is determined by the person with the problems, the people who love him, and God."

I wrote a post about having a son with disabilities when James was a month old and still in the hospital.  I was terrified of what our new normal would look like.  I was terrified and angry, and I was still holding out hope that God wasn't done healing my son, eradicating all his special needs.   I knew that as a Catholic Christian I should know and believe that quality of life is determined by the person with the problems, his loved ones, and God, but I was pretty sure it would be determined by kids at school, strangers at the store, and my own fears and insecurities.

This issue is something that I had to face for a long moment and then James continued to improve and the issue wasn't forced any longer.  It still resurfaces, though.  Take, for instance, a recent viewing of The Village.  I was watching it with a group of people and when the mentally disabled Noah died and his mother sobbed I sat in the back of the room crying, too.  Not because I was invested in the characters but because they forced the issue again. 

The fear, the burden, the unknown, the guilt, the loneliness, the relief, the sorrow, and the grief - they still sit in the back of me.  Not dealt with.  Hidden most of the time.  I know that's not healthy but I am not ready to go through it all again.  Not yet.  Maybe they will just go away.

I am glad for Absolute Truth.  God is good even though our circumstances are not.  A person's dignity does not depend upon what he can or cannot do.  Quality of life is decided by God, loved ones, and the person who suffers.  These things do not change based on how I feel or what I believe and so my only options are to ignore them or embrace them.

Related posts: 
the music that got me through
this thing that I fear
special needs

"I think I'll go to Boston..."

I'll be gone for the weekend; enjoy a little Augustana and some really good reads while I'm gone.

First up, Leila at Little Catholic Bubble has a wonderful post by Steve Gershom, a Catholic man who is also gay.  A little teaser:  When I go to Confession, I sometimes mention the fact that I'm gay, to give the priest some context. ... I've always gotten one of two responses: either compassion, encouragement, and admiration, because the celibate life is difficult and profoundly counter-cultural; or nothing at all, not even a ripple, as if I had confessed eating too much on Thanksgiving.
I also encourage you to check out Steve's blog.  It's a really good read.

Also, a little victory dance is happening over here in the Diocese of Peoria.  A judge has ruled that DCFS was wrong to end its relationship with Catholic Charities for foster care.  You can read a nice little summary article about the good news here.
Looking for someone else to do the cooking?  Megan Brent is a personal chef and owner of in good taste in central IL and she's dang good at what she does.  A friend gave us a gift card for her business when James came home from the NICU and, while we have not yet used it - I just kept saving it for something special! - I have had the privilege of eating her fish tacos.  Megan is warm, smart, and talented.  Her website is here and you can find her on Facebook, too.

Lastly, here's a thoughtful post from CatholicMom about the book Premarital Sex in America by Jeremy Uecker.  A teaser from the post:  Yesterday’s premarital sex was generally “pre-marital”—sex before marriage between two people who did, in fact, get married to each other.  Today’s premarital sex is typically not pre-marital and may occur pre-relationship or with no-relationship. It almost certainly occurs with a succession of partners, well before marriage enters the picture.

A post with a related topic is Fr. Longenecker's "Comments on Cohabitation."  It's a list of things priests might like to say to cohabiting couples who come in for marriage prep.

7 quick takes

-1-

It seems that the must read book right now is Unplanned by Abby Johnson.  Jen's talking about it at Conversion Diary, and so is Nancy with the Catholic Post Book Group.  (Nancy has a great interview with Ms. Johnson - check it out!)  Do I know anyone who owns this book and will let me borrow it?  I'd love to check it out!

-2-

On the Behold Confernece front, we have over 275 women registered for the day!  Rose, the director of the conference, and I have agreed that if we get 350 women registered we will dye our hair green and serve lunch to the patrons of the Germantown Hills Michael's on St. Patrick's Day.  Rose is a blond and I have loooong hair, so this is going to be worth it. 

So get your sisters, daughters, nieces and friends and sign up!

There will be pictures taken, I promise.

-3-

Right now I'm in a Mom's group that's doing the Epic study on Church history.  It is so wonderful!  

Some of the things I'm learning make my jaw drop open. 

Like this:  Ignatius, who was the Bishop of Antioch, was discipled by John, the beloved of Jesus.  In 115 AD during the persecution of Christians, he was arrested and taken to Rome to be killed.  On his way to Rome he wrote a series of letters and in them he talks about the hierarchy of the Church (priests, bishops, pope), the primacy and authority of the pope, the Eucharist, and he refers to the Church as "Catholic".  His understanding of these things is the same as modern Catholics. 

So either he, a disciple of John, got everything wrong or the Catholic Church truly is the church that Jesus Christ founded.

The more I study Sacred Scripture and history the more I am certain that the Catholic Church is the fullness of the faith.

-4-

Have you ever heard of the following book?  Holy Ground: Walking with Jesus as a Former Catholic.  This book makes me so frustrated. 

The problem?  The "former Catholic" was a nominal Catholic (he admits to only attending Mass twice a year by the time he was in high school!) so, sadly, he never knew or understood the teachings of the Church.  This is even more evident because, though he quotes the Catechism, he is still getting Catholicism wrong.  His book is filled with the same jargon and misunderstandings that I've come to expect, all of it is misleading, misunderstood, and untrue.  A nominal Catholic is NOT an authority on Church teaching!

-5-

This is the picture of the first time Lydia came to me, told me she had to go potty, and then went.  I was so proud of her and Bennet could tell so he gave her a hug. 

Side note:  how about that bed head?!

-6-

I have tried to post this video on my blog but it won't work.  So do yourself a favor and click on the link and listen to this song.  It's so good.  Thank you, Mumford & Sons Pandora station for continually introducing me to great music.

Noah and the Whale's Shape of My Heart

-7-

Have a great weekend!  Thanks for reading!

family planning

My friend Alisha has a great post about her feelings on having St. Gerard - patron saint of pregnant women - as her assigned patron saint for the year.  (You can have a patron saint assigned to you, too, courtesy Jen at Conversion Diary.  Check out the Saint's Name Generator.)

Reading Alisha's post reminded me of this story from my past and a new twist it has now taken.

The first seven months of Lydia's life were very, very tough on me.  I wasn't sure if I was cut out for motherhood but I knew I didn't want any more children.  I knew that the dislike of my vocation wasn't how things were supposed to be, and I also knew that my wanting to keep God out of my bedroom was not okay.  But I also felt like an angry, exhausted failure.  So I found my way to confession with my spiritual director, telling him that I didn't feel very pro life. He asked me, "If you found out you were pregnant today, what would you say?"

"Oh shit!" was my answer.  (just keepin' it real in the confessional)

Bennet was born about eight months later.


I have often joked that when I became pregnant with Bennet we were recklessly having sex, but now I see it differently.  Totally unintentionally, we were letting God plan our family.  At times it seemed irresponsible or overwhelming to have Lydia and Bennet so close together because of how hard mothering Lydia had been for me.  But now that I see my boys interact I know God wanted James to have Bennet as a big brother.  Those two boys love each other and light up when they see each other.  Travis and I are confident that Bennet will help James developmentally as much as all the doctors, specialists, therapists and tests.

God was setting the table for James at Bennet's conception, even before the world began.

(Alisha, this is not to say that I think you're supposed to become pregnant!  I'll leave that decision up to you, Jude and God.)

PS - I've heard women refer to babies such as Bennet as "oh what the hell babies."  As in they knew there was a chance they'd get pregnant if they were intimate but they said, "Oh what the hell!" and got busy. 

7 quick takes

-1-

It seems that Travis and I were both planning a surprise date night for each other.  I had asked my mom to keep the kids over night.  He had asked his mom to come down and babysit.  Oops. 

-2-

Our date will consist of Chili's, a movie, and Cold Stone.  Dinner and dessert are courtesy of friends who sent us gift cards.  The movie tickets are also free.  A while ago Trav and his dad went to a movie and something went wrong, so they got two free tickets.  My fil gave Travis his ticket and so the two of us went to see a movie.  Something went wrong that time, too.  So we got two more free tickets.  I'm kinda hopeful something goes wrong tonight, too.

-3-

Bennet has learned his first sign - "more"!

-4-

James has a night nurse named Megan.  She's so great.  She loves my son and has cheered his on since the very beginning.  She had him the night he was admitted and she's asked to be his primary ever since.  Megan leaves us notes, loves on James, and even bought him a 3-6 mo sized sleeper so he'd fit in his clothes.  How phenomenal is that?

-5-

Another nurse, Sarah, has also been really great with my son.  A couple of days ago I asked her about my son and what she thinks his quality of life will be.  She fought back tears while she talked about him, how far he's come, the way he interacts with people, how he wants to do the things 6 week old babies want to do.  I don't know if she was crying because I seemed so hopeless or because she was so proud, but either way it felt good to see someone believe in my son so much.

-6-

I was able to speak with my good friend, Sr. Mariam Caritas, yesterday.  It was wonderful to speak with her, but I wish I had more time to tell her everything.  To talk through the fear, grief, guilt, and pendulum swing of despair and hope - she's one of my best friends who also has a whole lotta theology.  Especially since she is with the Sisters of Life, I think she would be really good for me right now.

-7-

Yesterday the kids and I went to daily Mass.  Bennet was a little fussy, and I definitely felt frustrated at times, but I felt like it was a rather successful Mass for the three of us.  As we were heading to our car, an old woman approached me and said, "Honey, don't you think you should take your son outside when he cries like that?  He was so distracting for everyone!  I mean, I know it's hard for you..."  By that time I was walking away from her, ready to cry.  So she got in her car, with its pro-life bumper sticker, and drove off. 

 Maybe someone should tell her that babies cry, and that the more babes who are saved from abortion the more babies to ruin her Mass.

this thing that I fear

At one of my old jobs I had to spend the afternoon with a teenage mentally handicapped boy.  It was exhausting, like got-back-to-my-office-and-cried exhausting.  After that day I decided that I had been wrong about parents of special needs kids.  I had always thought one had to be "strong enough" to have that kind of kid, but after my day with him I realized one has to become strong because that's what one has to do.

And to be honest, without sounding like some over-the-top, hyperbolizing egomaniac, with that realization came a feeling that I shouldn't be surprised if one day I too would have a special needs kid.  Of course we don't yet know how James will turn out.  My Little Boy Blue could be a NHS quarterback who is well liked because he's kind, honest, and hard-working.  But his bottle feedings are getting worse and worse, and I don't know why.  I want to give him every opportunity to prove himself but I also want to just let him rest.  I want to push him, to ask him to push himself, but I already feel like I've asked too much.  And I know I've said it before, but this limitless list of possible outcomes for my son are overwhelming.  Too overwhelming to think about and live my life.  To think about them is to break down in tears, and a fat woman crying all day is no good to anyone.

I can and will keep asking for a miraculous full restoration.  But in the meantime I also have to be prepared for God wanting James to be who James is, not who I want him to be.  And who he is, is someone with brain damage.

Us pro-lifers like to say that every person has dignity, is made in the image and likeness of God, is beautiful.  We say that even those who seem to have lesser lives actually have lives filled with beauty, joy, love, and goodness.  We talk about the lessons they can teach us.  I know that all of this is true.

But where I stand right now, it all sounds like a bunch of bullshit.  I don't want my kid to be someone else's lesson.  I want my son to be normal.  I suspect that in the future I will know much more fully the truth of those pro-life statements.  I suspect that they won't be rhetoric, they will be a part of my testimony.  But for now, for now, they just smack me in the face and rip out of my hands all the hopes and dreams I have for my son, my family, and myself.

Kind people have told me that I'm strong, but I am not.  The truth is that if you were in the same situation as I you would do what I'm doing.  You'd do what you have to do to keep the plates spinning, knowing that the only reason any of them are up at all is because you have Help. 

God didn't pick me because I was big enough.  I think He picked me because I was little enough. 

Today at a women's group a middle aged woman I had just met asked about my children.

Lydia's 2, Bennet's almost 9 months, and I'm 24 weeks pregnant.  I'm getting used to these questions and now know that what people really want to know is how close in age the 3 will be.

"You're going to have Irish triplets," she informed me.

I am not because none of them were / will be born within 12 months of each other.

A little bit later she asked, "So are you done?"  But it didn't sound like a question.

"No!  I'd love to have more."

"How many more?"

"I'll gladly take as many as God will give me."

"What does your husband do?"

"He's a teacher."

She didn't respond to me after that.

I'm not sure how to interpret that conversation.  Either she disapproves of my family and the choices Travis and I are making, or she was never able to have kids and something about me made her sad.  I'm not quite sure which one is correct, but there was little enthusiasm in her tone, body language and following silence. 

I suppose that wherever her heart is, my response is to pray.

The cross of being super fertile

You have to read this post by DoctorGianna at her blog, The Children I Cannot Hold.  She compares people who are infertile with people who are "super-fertile", as she calls them.

I was very moved by what she wrote, and was going to leave a long comment.  Instead I'll just blog my thoughts here.  :)

Trav and I have 4 kids, our first was lost to miscarriage, a 2 yr old, an 8 mo old, and I'm 6 mo preggo.


My husband and I DO practice NFP, just maybe not very "well". (har har)  We were able to use it successfully to achieve our first two pregnancies, and to not achieve pregnancy for awhile after the miscarriage.

After our firstborn I was too tired to chart and conceived our 8 mo old while we were "recklessly having sex", as I jokingly say. The baby I'm carrying now was conceived P-6.  (For those not up on their NFP jargon, that's 6 days before peak day, which is the most likely day of ovulation.  It is technically within the realm of fertile days, but usually sperm only lives 2-3 days in a fertile woman.)

We feel like God is blessing us abundantly, but I also feel very strongly that this is MY path to sanctification. There are a lot of crosses to be carried every day, including the cross of knowing that other women would trade everything to be in my place.  When Lydia whines while Bennet fusses, or when the naps just don't seem to want to happen, or the poopy diaper leaks all over the entire outfit I just put on the freshly bathed child I sometimes want to roar curses.  Afterwards I apologize to God and the kids, and I remind myself that I need God's mercy, and these crosses have been given to me by God, handpicked by Him especially for me.  I need to try to do my best with them.

At the risk of being redundant, I want to be perfectly clear:  my children are enormous blessings.  It is the craziness, physical pain, exhaustion, frustrations, etc. that come with them that are the crosses.

Of course there is a difference in the crosses borne by those who are infertile and those who are super-fertile, but we all should be mindful that God opens and closes the womb as He sees fit.  I have experienced infertility through the loss of Peter; I am currently in a "super-fertile" stage.  Yet I am very aware that while we may have more children, we may not.  Kaitlin at More Like Mary - More Like Me said it beautifully when she wrote that children are ONLY gifts and they are ALWAYS gifts. 

Oh Mother Mary, St. Elizabeth and St. Hannah - pray for us!

an old priest's comment on the pill

We had a visiting priest celebrating Mass for our parish this weekend.  I was unable to go due to a sick toddler but Travis told me about the homily, which was on contraception. 

The priest was ordained in 1963, around the time the pill was first released.  He observed that as the pill became more widespread parents began having 2 children, CCD classes shrunk and, people stopped coming to confession. 

Isn't that interesting?!  Of course you can't ask forgivenss for a sin you don't intend to stop committing.  But instead of stopping the sin, or seeking out a clear understanding on the Church's teachings on sex, the moment life begins, and contraception along with understanding the science and politics behind the pill, people just stopped receiving God's mercy and following His plan.  Wow. 

7 Quick Takes Friday - the Mother's Day edition

-1-

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be as heroically generous as my mom.


I've been sick this week and she' taken care of the kids single-handily, straightened up the house, cleaned up the physical evidence of my sickness (tmi?) and brought me water, fruit pops and toast.

The woman doesn't complain. She doesn't accept apologies for the messiness of my life that she's cleaning up. She never seems to run out of patience or compassion.

She just gives and gives, joyfully and wholeheartedly.

-2-

Last week I was driving, thinking about all the books I'd like to read. I was fantasizing about having the time to sit on my sofa in the middle of the afternoon and pick up a book. I was daydreaming about uninterrupted reading - how glorious! Once again I could get through a book in a week - or less! I could devour one after another, a memoir, a novel, a collection of essays, American lit, poetry, theology...

You see, I don't have much time to read, especially anything too deep. There isn't the time or energy budgeted in my days for such things as novels.

And then I had this very comforting thought: right now I do not have time for such things, and that is okay. In another season of my life, when my kids are older and I have some grey hair, then I will be able to read again. This thought was much more like a promise from God, an acknowledgement of my longing with a glimpse of what is waiting ahead. Knowing this makes it much easier to not read now, as I focus on my kids, husband, home, and friends.

-3-

A woman I barely know offered to help me clean my home for Lydia's birthday party. She is from Northern Ireland and is living in the US until her visa expires in July. She has been able to travel much of Europe and America in her 26 years. While I listened to her talk I felt the pang of remorse that I never studied abroad while in college. I also felt the itch to travel.

And then we talked about my life as a stay at home mom.  I warned her to devour information now, because it seems that with every child a woman pushes out of her body she loses a portion of her knowledge, memory and ability to assemble intelligent, thorough sentences.  (Ya gotta stock pile those things now so you come out even in the end, I figure.)

She talked about her desire for kids, a lot of kids, and to live the life I was living.  She thought the grass was greener on my side of the fence.  And in my heart I agreed.

-4-

When I became pregnant with the baby I am currently carrying I heard several people make acclamations of "I'm glad it's you and not me!" What they said with all honesty, and meant as a reflection of their personal preferences and limits, hurt a little.  It sounded like an insult, or a warning.  Sometimes it sounded like I was being damned, or that I already had been!  Usually it sounded like they weren't happy my newest child is alive and growing in my womb.

But I was sure not to take it personally, because I have said the exact same thing, with the exact same intentions, to mothers of twins.  And so, to the mothers of twins that I know and have made this comment to, I would like to apologize.  Your children are beautiful, wonderful and lovable.  I consider you blessed, and I praise God for the gifts you've been given.

-5- 

A few weeks ago I was feeding Bennet some baby food pears, making silly faces so he'd open his mouth and allow me to put the spoon in.  Lydia stood by our side singing the Alphabet Song.  In the midst of the simplicity and silliness I had a deep sense of knowing that there was no where else I'd rather be and nothing else I'd rather be doing.  It was like getting a blue ribbon from God.

-6-

As I have already mentioned, I've been sick this week and I've had to rely on friends, along with my mom and husband, to help take care of the kids.  Even though they are not moms, they mothered me and my kids at times when things were pretty messy.  There was Liz, who walked into our house as I was "spitting up" (as Lydia calls it) and came to see if I needed my hair held.  She then cared for my kids for the next several hours while I napped.  And there was Katie, who changed a poopy, leaky diaper; rocked a fussy baby to sleep; and was fortunate enough to stick around for my daughter to "spit up" into her bag of books, all over my clothes, her clothes, and on the floor.  Katie salvaged the books, put our clothes in the washing machine, and bathed my daughter.  God bless you both!!!!

-7-

To any women who struggle with infertility and may read my blog:  I want you to know that I think of and pray for you every day.  I pray for your health, your doctors, your wombs, your adoptions, your families, your hearts, your wounds, your sufferings, and your joys.  I want you to know that I honor you this Mother's Day - you are not forgotten!

"In 2005 a baby boy in Manchester was born alive at 24 weeks after surviving three attempts to abort him. He is now a five-year-old schoolboy." 
 - This quote came at the end of an article in the UK's Telegraph.  The bulk of that article is about an Italian boy who was found alive by a hospital chaplain some 20 hours after he survived a botched abortion.

Read it here.

I know it's not just the mother in me that makes me appalled and deeply saddened by such stories.  But I can't imagine my life without my little ones and the joy they bring me.  It breaks my heart that the mothers of these babies can't / don't feel the same.

Open to Life

That was the attitude Travis and I took - we weren't trying to get pregnant but we also knew there was a small chance we might.

And as my temperature never went down on my NFP chart I started to suspect that our little "open to life" bit meant that there was another life. And I'll be honest, I was a little overwhelmed at the thought of 3 under 3.

But after I took the ept, I sat on my bed and told God He would have to provide. How else could we do it? Looking at the chart I felt that He wanted this baby to exist. (Read: The conception was not miraculous, but well beyond the normal.)

The way that He has provided since that positive test has been amazing.

- We thought we owed our midwife $500 for Bennet's birth. She said insurance paid for everything plus $3.20, which she's crediting to this new baby.
- Someone decided that our hand-me-down sofa just wouldn't do and bought us a new one, one that is much easier to get out of when you're 9 months pregnant or holding a sleeping newborn.
- He made it abundantly clear which mini-van to buy.
- An anonymous donor gave us $500 via my spiritual director. When I returned home with the gift our car insurance bill was in the mail, for $480.
- A friend of the family bought us a new laptop, something we'd been trying to (unsuccessfully) save for. This laptop helps Travis with his master's program, half of which is online, and me with my very part time, work from home job.

This abundance of gifts reassured me that everything would be okay. God is faithful, and He had chosen to bless Travis and I in an awesome way - with another child.

This whole experience has taught me is that fertility is a gift - a great gift - and I will not curse God that He has given it to me. I will try to not become anxious or troubled or angry with God that I am pregnant again. I will not be afraid of having a baby 2 weeks after Bennet's 1st birthday. My vocation is to be a wife and mother, and clearly God has some great plans for my sanctification. 

Okay, honestly, sometimes I do worry about it all but I then run through the amazing ways that God has blessed us through the heroic generousity of others and His clear guidance and I feel reassured. 

It's like what Sara Groves said,

God has been faithful, He will be again.  His loving compassion knows no end.  All I have need of His Hand will provide.  He's always been faithful to me.

I've been thinking about infertility

As most readers of this blog know, in May 2007 I miscarried our first child.  It was a painful loss and feelings of grief, blame, inadequacies and guilt were overwhelming.  What caught us off guard but was just as painful was the lack of support for parents like Travis and I, especially within the context of the Catholic Church, and the lack of recognition most pro-life people gave to our first child.  I don't blame those people for how they reacted or didn't react; had I not gone through the process myself I too would not know what to say or how to act with a miscarrying mother.  Yet I believe that as a pro-life community we should and can do much better. 

In the past few months I've become aquaintenced with several Catholic women who struggle with infertility.  The pain, sadness and frustration these women feel is palpable.  A few of them have shared about problems they've had for years that, when brought to the attention of their ob/gyns, were just masked with the pill while they were unknowing teens.  Later, when they began to ask questions they were told they'd never be able to have children and that was that.  No seeking other treatments, no getting to the cause of the problem, just a band-aid and a meaningless "I'm sorry."

To an extent I can understand how these women feel, but only to an extent.  After that I wonder how much it hurts when they hear us good, procreating Catholics - blessed with fertility - make comments about "how Catholic could they be - they've been married for x many years and have no kids."  I know those types of comments are made because I've heard them said and I've made them myself.  Shame on all of us.  Shame on me. 

So this morning I googed Catholic infertility and you know what I found?  Blogs and two Catholic websites offering links, support and prayers.  All but one of them seem to have been created by families struggling and feeling alone.  Yes, there was a statement on reproductive technologies from the USCCB (very good), but the 7th top find claimed to be Catholic and then offered help finding a sperm donor...  ummm... no.  Once again, as a pro-life community we can and should do much better.


So here's a question to you, if you are struggling with the inabiltiy to concieve what would you want?  Someone to listen? 
A way to submit your name for Mass intentions?
A support group of some kind?
Messages of support and kindness?
Education of some kind?
I'm not sure if anyone will want to comment, but I want to listen if you want to talk.


Good links I found:
http://www.catholicinfertility.org/
http://www.hannahstears.org/index.html
http://www.usccb.org/prolife/issues/nfp/treatment.htm


Related posts:
Miscarrying Peter
How to Support a Miscarrying Mother

Pope in Africa

Not surprisingly, the the media today misrepresented the Pope's comments on condoms. I know that most people are not going to like what he really said and meant, but I still think it needs to be said.

Fr. Longenecker wrote about it yesterday, and there's no need in me trying to reword it all.

The other 'big picture' non-Catholics miss is the big picture of the whole of Catholic moral teaching. They have this idea that somehow Catholics simply think condoms are nasty and immoral. They don't understand why we think condoms are evil. They don't understand that Catholics are not just against condoms. We're also against any form of sexual activity outside of marriage, and we're against it (and every other form of human evil) not because we're spoil sports, but because we are against anything that ruins human life, abuses the human person, destroys human potential for full and complete joy and ultimate sanctification...

The Catholic Church not only calls people to marriage and abstinence from sex outside marriage; we call the world to an understanding of purity and purpose within the sacramental marriage bond.


There is a priest from rural Kenya who is studying in my diocese. He is here to earn a masters in counseling so he may return to his home diocese and better serve those who have been afflicted by HIV/AIDS. I interviewed him for an article and he said, "When this terrible disease surfaced more than two decades ago, the Church's first response was to assist these people with medicine, food, clothing and schooling for the children. This coupled with spiritual care seemed enough at the time, but our experience over the years has shown that such an intervention is not just adequate." He spoke about his work and the people he serves with great passion and love.

I think it's important to note that this priest, a man in the midst of the fight against HIV/AIDS in Africa, stands by Pope Benedict and the Church in all things, even condoms.

If you live in Illinois

This came as an email from Students for Life of Illinois:

"Yesterday, despite our efforts, the Illinois FOCA passed through committee with a vote of 5-2, now it will go before the entire house.

Now is the time to TAKE ACTION. If this bill goes through, it could mark the beginning of the end of the Pro-Life Movement in Illinois!
- Visit your representative's District Office: We should have LINES OUT THE DOOR! Put real pressure on your state rep to oppose HB 2354. They are usually in their district offices on Fridays and Mondays. Rally your colleagues/friends/family to pay a personal visit to your state rep and express your disgust over HB 2354.
- Call your state representative AGAIN: Don't know your Rep? Look him/her up here.
- Tell everyone you know: Ask your pastor to talk about the horrors of HB 2354 from the pulpit, and encourage the congregation to call and visit their state representatives! Stand outside the doors are your place of worship and hand out sheets of paper with info on how to contact state reps.

It is UP TO YOU to make a difference. HB 2354 could be voted on as early as Tuesday. There is NO TIME TO WASTE.

Here is a sample of what to say when you call:-------------House Bill 2354 seeks to: Make abortion a fundamental right, preventing any common-sense regulation such as parental notification; expand public funding of abortion through Medicaid and possibly state health insurance plans; undermine the Illinois Health Care Right of Conscience Act protecting health care professionals and employers; and, mandate comprehensive sex education for all public schools.

The bill is extreme and a radical change from current law. Please vote NO."

another success for pro choice America

This is what happens in a country where a baby is only a baby as long as the mother wants her.

I've been in a funk lately, brought on by thoughts I can't chase from my head. They came about because of my reaction to the O family stance on abortion: I literally felt the need to shield myself and my daughter from B & M - to protect us from the violence that they think is okay. Of course I know that B & M would never perform an abortion themselves, but that they would condone one is enough. I am especially disturbed by M, a mother herself, and I wonder if while she was pregnant she was being healthy to take care of her fetus or her baby. I actually cried when I wondered what she would think of my miscarried son. Would she feel empathy or think that I was a silly girl. Both reactions seem wrong to me.

Jennifer at Conversion Diary, a former athiest and firm pro-choicer, wrote a post last week where she gives the litmus test to know if what is happening in your society is wrong or right as she made a comparison between the horror of the Holocaust and abortion:

Every decade or so, take a look around the society in which you live, and ask yourself if there is any group of human beings who are seen as something less than human. A big tipoff is if dehumanizing words -- terms other than "man," "woman," "child," "baby," or "person" -- are used to describe any category of people.

And if you ever see that going on, you might be in the midst of something gravely evil.

She acknowledges that the comparison is not apples to apples, and tries to be fair with the parallels. This week she has another post on the subject, going into further detail on how she had her change of heart and how she sees the subject now. She offers an abundance of links so you can "see for yourself" although they can be pretty gruesome.

Her statement, copied below, is what makes me so bewildered when women who speak of the sacredness of the womb and birth, especially those who are mothers themselves, support abortion.

Yet I noticed that when I became pregnant with my first child, I wasn't terrified of losing the "fetus" to miscarriage; I was terrified of losing the baby. When I was 10 weeks pregnant I didn't buy a handheld Doppler so that I could lie in bed and listen to the "clump of tissue"'s heartbeat; I was listening to my child's heartbeat.

I'm writing this post hoping it will make me feel better, but I feel like I need to do more. Perhaps I should channel my feelings into Elizabeth Ministry. What do you, my pro-life friends, do with your feelings on this subject?

While you're dancing in the street I'm trying to sleep

Okay, so I've been up since 3am with an upset stomach caused by worry and sadness. Sad because of things I've learned and worried that Obama will keep the following promise:

"The first thing I'd do as president is sign the Freedom of Choice Act. That's the first thing that I'd do." -- Senator Barack Obama, speaking to the Planned Parenthood Action Fund, July 17, 2007

I've come to the following conclusion - I don't care what he does with the economy, the wars, healthcare - I hope he's astonishingly successful. As long as he doesn't take away the right of moral objections for doctors, nurses and hospitals, fund abortions with government (meaning taxpayer, meaning MY) money, and make partial birth abortion legal.


Also - side note - if you support FOCA please don't leave a comment telling me so. I don't want to know. All it does is make me want to keep my daughter and womb far away from you.