Showing posts with label home birth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label home birth. Show all posts
Friday, June 22, 2012
7 quick takes
1 - My friend Alisha recommended this song to me saying, "I just found your next quick takes song." She was right.
2 - People asked how I find the songs I use in my quick takes posts and recommendations from friends is a great way. My top suggestions for finding "new" music are:
- Friends. Check out the music your friends post on Facebook, listen to in their cars, or are downloading. I've noticed that my friends who dress and decorate their homes in ways I really like also tend to listen to music I really like.
- Pandora. I plug in an artist I like and then they play other artists with a similar style. I take note of the ones I like, write down the names of the bands and songs and look them up on YouTube later.
- YouTube. When a video ends YouTube suggests other songs by the same or similar artists. Listen to those songs and see if you can find something new.
- Watch the music channels. We don't have cable but our local Fox station has substations, 43-2 and 43-3. Those stations are how I saw Brooke Fraser and The Lumineers.
3 - I am so stupid when it comes to Word Press and cannot upload a picture of Teresa Marie for this week's column over at Ignitum Today. Therefore I am sending people to this blog if they want to see a picture of my baby girl. Isn't that embarrassing and lame? I think so.
4 - Speaking of Ignitum Today, here's the post I wrote for this week: Teresa, Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.
5 - Congratulations to Dwija and her entire family on the birth of #babyunseen Mary Isabel! So happy for you all and I can't wait to read the birth story!
6 - I will now confess that knowing that Dwija had a homebirth makes me a little sad that I did not. I know that it was very, very good that we were at the hospital with Teresa. I cannot imagine how scary it would have been to deliver such a big baby at home and it would have been terrifying to see them give her oxygen if we were at home. But I still miss the experience.
7 - It's time to wrap this all up. I've been at McDonald's, using their free internet for almost 2 hours. Teresa has been napping, James has been mostly happy, and I'm sure I'm running out of time. Plus I need to go home and eat lunch before I'm tempted to buy a cheeseburger!
Have a good week! Thanks, Jen for hosting!
Friday, May 25, 2012
Introducing Teresa Marie
The quick facts:
21 and 1/2 inches long
The Birth Story:
Part I: Pre Labor
Late Monday morning the kids and I went grocery shopping. My lower back was killing me and I was hopeful that it meant promising things for labor. By lunch time I was having contractions. By 3pm they were becoming more painful and I called Travis to make sure he knew it. I also called my midwife, doula, and friend/homebirth midwife to give them a head's up that I thought it was the day.
That evening I made dinner, went for a walk with Travis, baked some strawberry lemonade bars, texted my birth team, and went to bed. At 3am I woke up from a nightmare (Travis and two other men we're friends with were considering remodeling a haunted house for the hexenbiest-looking monsters who lived there. I and the wives all said NO but Travis really wanted to do it and I was really annoyed with him.) Then I had a horrible contraction.
A little bit later I woke him up telling him I thought we needed to make some phone calls. A little after that my doula arrived. We went upstairs so I could labor in the quiet of my bedroom. But sitting there on my bedroom floor was too much for me and all I could think of was how I sat on the bedroom floor while they worked on James. I cried through my next contraction and then moved downstairs.
We were there for no more than 10 minutes when, kneeling on some Chux pads (leftovers from previous homebirths) I threw up, causing my water to break. Not wanting to be in intense labor when my kids woke up or in the car we headed over to the hospital.
Part II: The Hospital
As soon as we got to our room a woman gave me a hospital gown and told me to "go ahead and take everything off and put that on." I asked her why. I guess that was a stupid question - she thought so and sarcastically said, "OKAY..." while rolling not just her eyes but her entire head - but I wasn't about to push out the baby and didn't feel like being practically naked. I really was confused by why she would tell me to do that.
Fortunately, our doula was in the hall and overheard the conversation and then spoke to the woman and my nurse. She told them how I had homebirthed 3 kids and also explained about James. It was wonderful to not have to explain those things to anyone.
Our nurse was wonderful. I sat on a birthball fully dressed in my own clothes. She ignored the peanut butter and crackers I ate around lunch time. She left me alone for long periods of time. She bent a lot of rules. My contractions were strong but they weren't regular and stayed around 10 minutes apart. This was really discouraging for me, especially since I thought I'd have a baby by noon since my water broke at 6:30. Because I had slept the night before I felt pretty good. In between contractions we sat around and joked, chatted, and laughed.
But then, as dinnertime approached I started to ask for pain medication. I was starting to feel tired and discouraged and I was worried I wouldn't be able be able to manage the pain and the fear when it was time to push. By this point I was also saying a lot of "Oh my God"s; "Please, oh my God, please"s; and "Oh shit"s. The "oh my God"s were usually attached to some kind of intention - for the people who comment on my For Pete's Sake posts, other people I had promised to pray for - these were never clear, specific "this contraction is for Katie and her boards" but were vague and hopefully still helpful. The "please, oh my God"s were my way of praying for myself - less pain, a living baby, that it would all be over soon. The "oh shit"s were because it hurt like hell and I felt like an ass for not asking for the epidural many hours before.
My midwife wanted to check my cervix to see if I could have the epidural and she found that there was still water in my bag. I remember crying out, "Think of all the poor souls in Purgatory!" and everyone laughed except for Travis who knew I meant it. My midwife then broke my water and held her hand there through the next contraction, causing me to say, "I want you to know that I hate you right now!" Breaking the water meant that Teresa immediately started moving down and there was no more time for an epidural.
Part III: The Birth
At 4:28pm I called out, "Here she comes." And then things got really scary for me. I stopped having the urge to push and without my body telling me when to push I didn't know what to do. I was able to get her to the crowning point but then we were stuck. Really, I don't remember everything that happened and the order that it came in. I remember them saying we needed to get her out and asking me to push. I know I had to be flipped from being on my hands and knees to being on my side. I know they kept telling me to get my legs up. At one point I asked if she was alive. I know her cord was loosely, half way around her neck and so my midwife reached up and flipped it over T's head. I know that hurt worse than anything I have ever experienced in my life and I roared in pain. After that they had me get flat on my back and pull my knees all the way up to my face. The nurse did a move called the supra pelvic, using her fist to push down on the top of my pelvic bone and Teresa's stuck shoulder. That also hurt like hell. After her shoulder was free I pushed her out and I remember the feeling of her being completely out of me. It was over and I had done it.
Part IV: The APGAR
However the feeling of relief was pretty brief because instead of giving her to me they took her over the the cart to work on her. I asked if she was alive and they said yes but I didn't trust what I was being told because if she was okay she would have been with me. Because I was still flat on my back and too exhausted to sit up I couldn't see what was happening, which was this:
Teresa's apgar score at birth was a 2. Ten is perfect, James was a 0. Teresa was blue, limp, and not breathing but unlike her big brother she had a heartbeat. While they were giving her air she gasped a few times and fortunately my mom excitedly commented every time she heard one. But Travis was silent and that made me worried, too. Thank God (and thank you for your prayers) after two minutes she started to cry and her five minute apgar score was a perfect 10. Which means I finally got to hold her.
Part V: The Summary
Because she was so big they kept us two nights in the hospital. While pregnant my plan was to stay no more than 24 hours but by the time everything was said and done I just didn't care. I didn't feel like moving much and if they wanted to check her blood sugar levels and make sure I didn't hemorrhage that was fine with me.
Teresa's birth was pretty amazing but, for me, that's not in a amazing=beautiful=healing=spiritual kind of way, though I think I'll get there. I delivered an 11lb 9.5oz baby naturally with only one first degree tear so small they didn't even stitch it. That's amazing. My daughter is alive and healthy and happy. That's amazing.
Today as I looked at my baby girl I told her, "God wanted me to have you, an undeserved gift." I mean that and I am so, so grateful.
P.S.:
My birth team:
They were awesome. The two on my right have been at all four of my children's births. The woman on the left is Mary, the midwife I saw for this pregnancy. All of the women were amazing, but I must say that Mary was truly perfect. She supports homebirth and did everything in her power to make my hospital birth as much like a homebirth as possible. I know that because I had her I got what I wanted. She was excellent.
Teresa Marie
born at 4:35pm
on Tuesday the 22nd of May.
on Tuesday the 22nd of May.
21 and 1/2 inches long
11 pound 9.5 ounces at birth,
but we'll just round up to 11. 10.
She has soft, dark hair and ridiculously long fingernails. Her eyes are dark, she's already lifting her head to look around, she has a strong cry, and she looks like Bennet did when he was born.
Her name comes from
Mother Teresa,
our Blessed Mother,
and my mom, whose middle name is also Marie.
The Birth Story:
Part I: Pre Labor
Late Monday morning the kids and I went grocery shopping. My lower back was killing me and I was hopeful that it meant promising things for labor. By lunch time I was having contractions. By 3pm they were becoming more painful and I called Travis to make sure he knew it. I also called my midwife, doula, and friend/homebirth midwife to give them a head's up that I thought it was the day.
That evening I made dinner, went for a walk with Travis, baked some strawberry lemonade bars, texted my birth team, and went to bed. At 3am I woke up from a nightmare (Travis and two other men we're friends with were considering remodeling a haunted house for the hexenbiest-looking monsters who lived there. I and the wives all said NO but Travis really wanted to do it and I was really annoyed with him.) Then I had a horrible contraction.
A little bit later I woke him up telling him I thought we needed to make some phone calls. A little after that my doula arrived. We went upstairs so I could labor in the quiet of my bedroom. But sitting there on my bedroom floor was too much for me and all I could think of was how I sat on the bedroom floor while they worked on James. I cried through my next contraction and then moved downstairs.
We were there for no more than 10 minutes when, kneeling on some Chux pads (leftovers from previous homebirths) I threw up, causing my water to break. Not wanting to be in intense labor when my kids woke up or in the car we headed over to the hospital.
Part II: The Hospital
As soon as we got to our room a woman gave me a hospital gown and told me to "go ahead and take everything off and put that on." I asked her why. I guess that was a stupid question - she thought so and sarcastically said, "OKAY..." while rolling not just her eyes but her entire head - but I wasn't about to push out the baby and didn't feel like being practically naked. I really was confused by why she would tell me to do that.
Fortunately, our doula was in the hall and overheard the conversation and then spoke to the woman and my nurse. She told them how I had homebirthed 3 kids and also explained about James. It was wonderful to not have to explain those things to anyone.
Our nurse was wonderful. I sat on a birthball fully dressed in my own clothes. She ignored the peanut butter and crackers I ate around lunch time. She left me alone for long periods of time. She bent a lot of rules. My contractions were strong but they weren't regular and stayed around 10 minutes apart. This was really discouraging for me, especially since I thought I'd have a baby by noon since my water broke at 6:30. Because I had slept the night before I felt pretty good. In between contractions we sat around and joked, chatted, and laughed.
But then, as dinnertime approached I started to ask for pain medication. I was starting to feel tired and discouraged and I was worried I wouldn't be able be able to manage the pain and the fear when it was time to push. By this point I was also saying a lot of "Oh my God"s; "Please, oh my God, please"s; and "Oh shit"s. The "oh my God"s were usually attached to some kind of intention - for the people who comment on my For Pete's Sake posts, other people I had promised to pray for - these were never clear, specific "this contraction is for Katie and her boards" but were vague and hopefully still helpful. The "please, oh my God"s were my way of praying for myself - less pain, a living baby, that it would all be over soon. The "oh shit"s were because it hurt like hell and I felt like an ass for not asking for the epidural many hours before.
My midwife wanted to check my cervix to see if I could have the epidural and she found that there was still water in my bag. I remember crying out, "Think of all the poor souls in Purgatory!" and everyone laughed except for Travis who knew I meant it. My midwife then broke my water and held her hand there through the next contraction, causing me to say, "I want you to know that I hate you right now!" Breaking the water meant that Teresa immediately started moving down and there was no more time for an epidural.
Part III: The Birth
At 4:28pm I called out, "Here she comes." And then things got really scary for me. I stopped having the urge to push and without my body telling me when to push I didn't know what to do. I was able to get her to the crowning point but then we were stuck. Really, I don't remember everything that happened and the order that it came in. I remember them saying we needed to get her out and asking me to push. I know I had to be flipped from being on my hands and knees to being on my side. I know they kept telling me to get my legs up. At one point I asked if she was alive. I know her cord was loosely, half way around her neck and so my midwife reached up and flipped it over T's head. I know that hurt worse than anything I have ever experienced in my life and I roared in pain. After that they had me get flat on my back and pull my knees all the way up to my face. The nurse did a move called the supra pelvic, using her fist to push down on the top of my pelvic bone and Teresa's stuck shoulder. That also hurt like hell. After her shoulder was free I pushed her out and I remember the feeling of her being completely out of me. It was over and I had done it.
Part IV: The APGAR
However the feeling of relief was pretty brief because instead of giving her to me they took her over the the cart to work on her. I asked if she was alive and they said yes but I didn't trust what I was being told because if she was okay she would have been with me. Because I was still flat on my back and too exhausted to sit up I couldn't see what was happening, which was this:
Teresa's apgar score at birth was a 2. Ten is perfect, James was a 0. Teresa was blue, limp, and not breathing but unlike her big brother she had a heartbeat. While they were giving her air she gasped a few times and fortunately my mom excitedly commented every time she heard one. But Travis was silent and that made me worried, too. Thank God (and thank you for your prayers) after two minutes she started to cry and her five minute apgar score was a perfect 10. Which means I finally got to hold her.
But this is what I felt like:
Part V: The Summary
Because she was so big they kept us two nights in the hospital. While pregnant my plan was to stay no more than 24 hours but by the time everything was said and done I just didn't care. I didn't feel like moving much and if they wanted to check her blood sugar levels and make sure I didn't hemorrhage that was fine with me.
Teresa's birth was pretty amazing but, for me, that's not in a amazing=beautiful=healing=spiritual kind of way, though I think I'll get there. I delivered an 11lb 9.5oz baby naturally with only one first degree tear so small they didn't even stitch it. That's amazing. My daughter is alive and healthy and happy. That's amazing.
Today as I looked at my baby girl I told her, "God wanted me to have you, an undeserved gift." I mean that and I am so, so grateful.
P.S.:
My birth team:
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Wait for it....
-
Engstrom baby #5 is a GIRL!
And she's a tough lookin' sucka if you ask me. Here she is last week with her elbow pointing at you and a grimace on her face.
Engstrom baby #5 is a GIRL!
And she's a tough lookin' sucka if you ask me. Here she is last week with her elbow pointing at you and a grimace on her face.
I'm sorry if you missed the news. I never made an announcement because, frankly, I'm just not my "normal" self right now.
I'll also be birthing at a local hospital this time around. A long time ago I prayed about where I should go and I felt like God was probably calling me in that direction. I'm also doing it to make the grandmas happy. Because of my intense fear of pushing this baby girl out (it was during pushing that James died) I would rather be at home (away from the hospital crap when the baby is a stillborn) or just have a c-section but neither of options are really healthy and I know I'm just copping out.
Don't get me wrong, though, I am still very pro homebirth. Very. In fact, the midwife I'm using did some of her training with my homebirth midwife and is very supportive of homebirth. She is doing everything she can to make sure this hospital birth - and just this birth! - are positive experiences for me. She has even encouraged me to have my homebirth midwife come to the birth.
This birth will be very different from my first 3. All the post partum things I love and that make being at home so special won't happen. But the good news is that my homebirth midwife and her birth assistant who have attended all three previous births will come to the hospital. That makes me so happy.
So maybe you can see why I never really announced these things - our child's gender and the hospital birth - I have a large amount of confusing emotions surrounding them all! But sorry to my friends who felt out of the loop, and sorry to my daughter whose life I should be celebrating.
Friday, April 20, 2012
7 quick takes
1 - JJ Heller, I will see you and Audrey Assad tonight! And you told me you'd sing My Savior's Love Endures for me! And maybe you'll sing this song, too, which would be very appropriate since it's the Season of Easter and all. Just sayin'...
2 - I am so excited about this concert. Some friends and I are going to dinner first. I will eat fried chicken and watch them drink beer. I'm not excited about that - I'd like to drink beer, too. mmm...beer...
3 - Wednesday I officially became 9 months pregnant. 36 weeks have come and gone so quickly. Jiminy! At my appointment with the midwife yesterday I learned that I actually do not have gestational diabetes (my bad, I misunderstood) so I feel a lot less guilty about all those Moolattes I've been drinking lately. I also learned that the little girl in my womb's legs are measuring 40 weeks and the sonographer was guessing for a 9lb 7oz baby. (I asked for her guess.)
4 - Everything is so different with a hospital birth verses a home birth. Here's the list of things I can think to bring to the hospital, now tell me what I'm missing:
-change of clothes for pp
-clothes to wear home
-clothes for Baby Girl to wear home
-Baby Girl's blankie, in case it's cool.
-infant car seat
-lap top
-camera
-shampoo and conditioner
-toothbrush, deodorant, brush, make-up, etc.
-whatever stuff Travis wants to bring - he's on his own.
How's that for a list? I'm really sad I won't have a birthday cake this year. I haven't even thought about what I would pick. Maybe angel food cake with berries and ice cream? Smelling the cake bake while I labored was always one of my favorite things.
5 - In happier news Travis told me a few nights ago that he thinks I look thinner. By the end of the day my feet, face, and hands may be slightly bloated but my back fat is going away. I have not been dieting during this pregnancy (remember the thing about the Moolattes?) but it has been my goal to weigh less post partum with Baby Girl than I did when I began the pregnancy. I'm so tired of being fat.
6- Which is not to say I want to look anything like this. I don't get the fitness inspiration boards on Pinterest. I would probably feel just as unattractive lookin like that lady as I do now. Her body is like a teenage boy's but with boobs. Am I being mean? Maybe. I just like soft a curvy. So does my husband, so that's good.7- On that note, I think I'm going to bake the best chocolate chips cookies ever. Ever.
Friday, November 25, 2011
7 quick takes
#1 - I'm a new soul in this strange place...
#2 - So if you were reading this blog all week you probably noticed I'm having cravings and I mentioned something about rumors. And then there was the OK Go song, Here It Goes Again.
#3 - I'm pretty sure that song is about something very different than a married woman having another baby with her loving husband but the words of the chorus are just so perfect! "Just when you think you're in control, Just when you think you've got a hold, Just when you get on a roll, Here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again. Oh here it goes again!
#4 - So, yes, I am pregnant!
#5 - 15 weeks (4 months) with a due date of May 16th. I think I'm having a girl. So does Lydia, and my friend Katie, and my mom, and Travis, and my mother-in-law. I hope we're all right.
#6 - I have spoken with my homebirth midwife and had an appointment with a midwife at an ob-gyn's office. I'm still not 100% sure where we will birth this time around but, just like with all my births, I have been praying and thinking about what is best as I try to learn where God wants me to be. We have already gotten some pressure to be in a hospital but I don't want to make any decisions based on peer pressure, other people's fears, or out of spite. Please pray for us as we continue to discern this decision.
#7 - But more than anything please share in our joy! Travis and I felt that God was calling us to trust Him and have this baby and we are very excited about our fifth child!
#2 - So if you were reading this blog all week you probably noticed I'm having cravings and I mentioned something about rumors. And then there was the OK Go song, Here It Goes Again.
#3 - I'm pretty sure that song is about something very different than a married woman having another baby with her loving husband but the words of the chorus are just so perfect! "Just when you think you're in control, Just when you think you've got a hold, Just when you get on a roll, Here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again. Oh here it goes again!
#4 - So, yes, I am pregnant!
#5 - 15 weeks (4 months) with a due date of May 16th. I think I'm having a girl. So does Lydia, and my friend Katie, and my mom, and Travis, and my mother-in-law. I hope we're all right.
#6 - I have spoken with my homebirth midwife and had an appointment with a midwife at an ob-gyn's office. I'm still not 100% sure where we will birth this time around but, just like with all my births, I have been praying and thinking about what is best as I try to learn where God wants me to be. We have already gotten some pressure to be in a hospital but I don't want to make any decisions based on peer pressure, other people's fears, or out of spite. Please pray for us as we continue to discern this decision.
#7 - But more than anything please share in our joy! Travis and I felt that God was calling us to trust Him and have this baby and we are very excited about our fifth child!
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
making peace with attachment parenting
Before I was a mom I was pretty confident that I would be an ap (attachment parenting) mom. My babies would be in slings, I wouldn't have a nap schedule, we'd probably co-sleep, and I'd do "time-ins" instead of "time outs." All of this builds confidence in children and promotes "peaceful parenting", as ap-ers would explain.
And then I gave birth.
I quickly learned that my kid did not like slings, wraps, or anything else carrying her that wasn't my two arms. I also learned that if I didn't schedule my day - including time for a nap - and have everything at roughly the same time every day my kid would not thrive and I would fall apart. It didn't take long to realize I did not sleep well with my baby in bed with me. In fact, I don't sleep well with my babies in the same room as me! And when I am mad at my child the last thing I want is for anyone to talk to me or touch me. A time out is beneficial for me, probably more so than my kids.
What I learned is that I don't like a lot of physical touch, something that ap seemed to be pretty big on.
I did not see any of this coming.
For awhile I tried to fight myself, convinced that what the attachment parents were saying was true: my children would be stupid, hoarding, serial killers if I didn't wear them in slings, co-sleep, homeschool, never force a nap time, never let them cry for more than 2 minutes.
Of course those weren't their exact words but the tone and body language of most ap moms I knew made me feel like a horrible excuse for a parent and a complete failure of a mother because what worked for them and what nature clearly intends for children to need in order to thrive didn't work for me.
See what I mean? That language, "what nature clearly intends for children to need in order to thrive;" was some exact words - or variations of - and so of course the ap movement made me feel like crap! I was very, very hurt. I was struggling in my role of motherhood and I was especially troubled because I thought it would be so easy. Yet the very way I was told to parent - the way I was told Nature (and therefore GOD) wanted us to parent - was not how I wanted to parent. It wasn't working for me. I became angry and resentful towards a lot of those women, especially when they'd post a link to some study on Facebook, citing how moms who let their kids cry for more than 5 minutes are raising damaged monsters.
Honestly, I think I got hit harder with all of this because I'm part of two groups (natural-family-planning-practicing Catholics and home birthers) that are a lot more ap then other groups I've encountered, in part because of the big emphasis on breastfeeding.
Trying to do "peaceful parenting" made me exhausted and worn thin. So much so that when things didn't go well I would scream my head off, punch the walls, and curse at my kids. When I tried explaining this to ap-ers I was told to do a "time-in" with my kids, hugging them instead of sending them to time out. They didn't seem to get it. And my life, home, and parenting was anything but peaceful.
It took me awhile, but I finally figured out what I need to do to parent my kids successfully. We have a schedule. Quiet time/nap time happens at about the same time every day. I will keep my kids up a little bit longer so all three nap at the same time because I need quiet time, too. I nurse my kids in a chair in the middle of the night - not in bed. I introduce a bottle fairly early so I can go out and be by myself.
I'm sure to some I sound like a horrible, monster of a mother. But I really need to not touch my kids all day long. I really need a good hour break in the middle of the day when no one talks to me, hugs me, kisses me, sits on my lap or comes close. Having these breaks allows me to give plenty of physical affection to my children during the rest of the day. Maybe it's the introvert in me coming out; whatever it is, it's the way I need it to be.
I am a better mom for it. Those breaks are my sanity. Seriously.
In the end it was figuring out what "peaceful parenting" looked like in my home that made me let go of a lot of the hurt I felt towards the attachment parenting people I know. I also started telling them how their language made me feel belittled and unfairly judged. I started discussing with them my experiences in parenting. And suddenly they started apologizing, empathizing, and explaining things in less polarizing ways.
Of course there may have been a few fights I picked on Facebook along the way, but I'm pretty embarrassed about those now that my anger is gone. If you were on the receiving end of my pettiness, I'm sorry!
I do not consider myself a "peaceful parent" - not in the way the attachment parenting movement would explain it. But I would consider myself a good mom, and so would m thriving, happy, healthy kids. And that's what matters.
And then I gave birth.
I quickly learned that my kid did not like slings, wraps, or anything else carrying her that wasn't my two arms. I also learned that if I didn't schedule my day - including time for a nap - and have everything at roughly the same time every day my kid would not thrive and I would fall apart. It didn't take long to realize I did not sleep well with my baby in bed with me. In fact, I don't sleep well with my babies in the same room as me! And when I am mad at my child the last thing I want is for anyone to talk to me or touch me. A time out is beneficial for me, probably more so than my kids.
What I learned is that I don't like a lot of physical touch, something that ap seemed to be pretty big on.
I did not see any of this coming.
For awhile I tried to fight myself, convinced that what the attachment parents were saying was true: my children would be stupid, hoarding, serial killers if I didn't wear them in slings, co-sleep, homeschool, never force a nap time, never let them cry for more than 2 minutes.
Of course those weren't their exact words but the tone and body language of most ap moms I knew made me feel like a horrible excuse for a parent and a complete failure of a mother because what worked for them and what nature clearly intends for children to need in order to thrive didn't work for me.
See what I mean? That language, "what nature clearly intends for children to need in order to thrive;" was some exact words - or variations of - and so of course the ap movement made me feel like crap! I was very, very hurt. I was struggling in my role of motherhood and I was especially troubled because I thought it would be so easy. Yet the very way I was told to parent - the way I was told Nature (and therefore GOD) wanted us to parent - was not how I wanted to parent. It wasn't working for me. I became angry and resentful towards a lot of those women, especially when they'd post a link to some study on Facebook, citing how moms who let their kids cry for more than 5 minutes are raising damaged monsters.
Honestly, I think I got hit harder with all of this because I'm part of two groups (natural-family-planning-practicing Catholics and home birthers) that are a lot more ap then other groups I've encountered, in part because of the big emphasis on breastfeeding.
Trying to do "peaceful parenting" made me exhausted and worn thin. So much so that when things didn't go well I would scream my head off, punch the walls, and curse at my kids. When I tried explaining this to ap-ers I was told to do a "time-in" with my kids, hugging them instead of sending them to time out. They didn't seem to get it. And my life, home, and parenting was anything but peaceful.
It took me awhile, but I finally figured out what I need to do to parent my kids successfully. We have a schedule. Quiet time/nap time happens at about the same time every day. I will keep my kids up a little bit longer so all three nap at the same time because I need quiet time, too. I nurse my kids in a chair in the middle of the night - not in bed. I introduce a bottle fairly early so I can go out and be by myself.
I'm sure to some I sound like a horrible, monster of a mother. But I really need to not touch my kids all day long. I really need a good hour break in the middle of the day when no one talks to me, hugs me, kisses me, sits on my lap or comes close. Having these breaks allows me to give plenty of physical affection to my children during the rest of the day. Maybe it's the introvert in me coming out; whatever it is, it's the way I need it to be.
I am a better mom for it. Those breaks are my sanity. Seriously.
In the end it was figuring out what "peaceful parenting" looked like in my home that made me let go of a lot of the hurt I felt towards the attachment parenting people I know. I also started telling them how their language made me feel belittled and unfairly judged. I started discussing with them my experiences in parenting. And suddenly they started apologizing, empathizing, and explaining things in less polarizing ways.
Of course there may have been a few fights I picked on Facebook along the way, but I'm pretty embarrassed about those now that my anger is gone. If you were on the receiving end of my pettiness, I'm sorry!
I do not consider myself a "peaceful parent" - not in the way the attachment parenting movement would explain it. But I would consider myself a good mom, and so would m thriving, happy, healthy kids. And that's what matters.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
7 quick takes
I know that it's Sunday night and not Friday. What can I say? Oops?
-1-
My middle child likes to take off his pants, especially his pajama pants. I hope this is a phase he grows out of.
-2-
James hasn't been tubed a feeding since Thursday the 11th, which was only an ounce to finish off a feeding that he had fallen asleep during. After that feeding I realized it was stupid to give him an ounce when he fell asleep. He's gaining weight, he likes a bottle, why not just let him make up the ounce later? And so Thursday it will be two weeks of no feeding tube. How awesome is that?! The surgeon's office said if he goes two months of not using the g tube (which means we'll have to stop using the tube for seizure med and begin giving that orally) and all doctors are in agreement, we can have the tube taken out. This makes me happy because I would really like to blow raspberries on my son's belly.
-3-
Lydia's verbal skills continues to amaze me. For example today she said, "I'll stop whining, and then we can go to Old McDonald's. I'll be super duper hungry, and when I've eaten all my food I can go down the slide! How 'bout that?!"
-4-
Congratulations goes out to the Heads, who recently go the phone call they've been dreaming of for a long time - a birth mother chose them to parent her unborn child! How awesome is that?! They have a beautiful post about it. Here's a snippet:
It is so amazing to see His plan unfold after so long of questioning if He really had one...
-5-
I want to thank everyone for the comments they left on the previous post. Clare, I especially want to thank you for standing up for me and for providing some really good information on why a woman chooses home birth. I also want to thank you, Jessica, for talking about the elephant in the room. I know there are many, many people who never understood why we choose home birth in the first place and - believe me - the unspoken "I told you so"s are deafening at times. As a former English major, I think of the hospital birth vs. home birth a little like post colonial literature. Hospital birth is what is modern, civil, standard, and what we do in this culture. Home birth is the "other" - for some people the exotic other and for others the savage other. It is unknown, dangerous, backwards, uncivilized. Of course this is only an analogy, and a pretty flawed one, especially since most of you didn't study literary theories. But in the end I think I've given up on trying to have pro-hospital folks understand my side.
-6-
I'm gonna blog about Advent soon. I'll probably tick some of you off.
-7-
But before we get to Advent, let's talk about Thanksgiving. I say on Wednesday night / Thursday we all post about what we're thankful for. Let's make a good long list, that includes things like health insurance, neonatalogists, children, parents, Dr. Pepper, chai tea, chocolate... I could keep going up I need to save something for Thursday. Maybe I'll even have a linky thingy...
Thursday, September 16, 2010
James Fulton
After an 8 hour labor I gave birth to James Fulton at 1:48am on Thursday, September 16th - my younger brother's birthday. James weighed 9lbs 12oz. The labor was the best I've ever had. My water broke while on a walk around the neighborhood with Travis - right in front of the AC church during their Wednesday night service. My apologies!!!
James is a family name on my side, my bil's middle name, and one of my patron's - I was born on St. James the Greater's feast day. Fulton, of course, is for the great Archbishop Fulton Sheen.
James, who did very well during the labor, was born without a heart beat. After a few minutes of giving him oxygen and chest compressions, 911 was called. Tavis also baptised him. We are very grateful to the men and women EMTs and paramedics from Goodfield, Eureka and Congerville who came very quickly and transported James and I to the OSF. We are also grateful to our friend Jenny W. who attended the birth as a photographer but pitched in as a former pediatrics nurse when things got hairy. She also rode with Travis and James in the ambulance.
Fortunately, I did not need any stitches and my postpartum bleeding has been very light so I was able to go to the hospital and see my son very easily and quickly.
Another blessing was having Msgr Bliss, the hospital chaplain, and Fr. D, my spiritual director and former pastor, waiting for us at the hospital. They arranged for James to be confirmed, we chose for him the name Linus.
Without going into all the details of what is, or might be wrong, with James I will say that he is in stable yet critical condition at the NICU at OSF. At this point they are running tests, keeping him on a cooling pad to help with any possible brain and organ damage, and he is currently sedated. We probably won't be able to hold him for 3-5 more days, which is incredibly difficult, as I'm sure you can imagine.
The rest of us are all doing fairly well, albeit tired, worried, and sore (me).
We would like to publicly thank our many friends who prayed for us throughout the labor and are praying right now. Thank you also to Katie, our incomprable friend, who made us food, stayed with the kids while we were at the hospital, and helped me through afterbirth pains today. Our moms have also been tremendous helpers and generous givers. Thank you to my sister-in-law who also has helped with Lydia and Bennet. We are so very, very blessed.
And now we ask that you will pray for our son. Please pray through the intercession of St. James, St. Linus, and Archbishop Sheen. If James comes through with no problems we will defintely attribute it to a miracle for our local saint.
PLEASE PRAY!
James is a family name on my side, my bil's middle name, and one of my patron's - I was born on St. James the Greater's feast day. Fulton, of course, is for the great Archbishop Fulton Sheen.
James, who did very well during the labor, was born without a heart beat. After a few minutes of giving him oxygen and chest compressions, 911 was called. Tavis also baptised him. We are very grateful to the men and women EMTs and paramedics from Goodfield, Eureka and Congerville who came very quickly and transported James and I to the OSF. We are also grateful to our friend Jenny W. who attended the birth as a photographer but pitched in as a former pediatrics nurse when things got hairy. She also rode with Travis and James in the ambulance.
Fortunately, I did not need any stitches and my postpartum bleeding has been very light so I was able to go to the hospital and see my son very easily and quickly.
Another blessing was having Msgr Bliss, the hospital chaplain, and Fr. D, my spiritual director and former pastor, waiting for us at the hospital. They arranged for James to be confirmed, we chose for him the name Linus.
Without going into all the details of what is, or might be wrong, with James I will say that he is in stable yet critical condition at the NICU at OSF. At this point they are running tests, keeping him on a cooling pad to help with any possible brain and organ damage, and he is currently sedated. We probably won't be able to hold him for 3-5 more days, which is incredibly difficult, as I'm sure you can imagine.
The rest of us are all doing fairly well, albeit tired, worried, and sore (me).
We would like to publicly thank our many friends who prayed for us throughout the labor and are praying right now. Thank you also to Katie, our incomprable friend, who made us food, stayed with the kids while we were at the hospital, and helped me through afterbirth pains today. Our moms have also been tremendous helpers and generous givers. Thank you to my sister-in-law who also has helped with Lydia and Bennet. We are so very, very blessed.
And now we ask that you will pray for our son. Please pray through the intercession of St. James, St. Linus, and Archbishop Sheen. If James comes through with no problems we will defintely attribute it to a miracle for our local saint.
PLEASE PRAY!
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
My labor so far
I'll keep this pretty short and sweet - and I'm not gonna worry about grammar!! So sorry for mistakes!
First, I started having some fairly mild contractions last night. A couple woke me up and a couple I felt while tending to the other kiddos, but none of them hurt very much at all. I have been hoping and praying for a good night's rest and then labor in the morning for this one, instead of laboring at night, so I was feeling pretty good when I woke up at 6:30, Bennet was still asleep, Lydia wanted to snuggle, and I was still sleepy and still having contractions. I got to sleep in until 8am, enjoying one last morning of snuggling with my little girl before our family dynamics changed. It was wonderful!
At 8:30 I called my mom and asked her to come over, saying I thought labor would be today. But by the time she got to our house (9:30ish) my contractions were pretty few and far between. Boo.
I scrubbed the bathtub and went for a walk. I went upstairs and downstairs. They eventuallty came back enough (thanks to an episode of Glee) for me to call Travis and my midwife.
Mom took the kids for the evening, and when Trav and I got home we decided to go for a ride in the car. The car ride was what did the trick. The contractions are here, and they are longer, stronger and closer together. For sure.
First, I started having some fairly mild contractions last night. A couple woke me up and a couple I felt while tending to the other kiddos, but none of them hurt very much at all. I have been hoping and praying for a good night's rest and then labor in the morning for this one, instead of laboring at night, so I was feeling pretty good when I woke up at 6:30, Bennet was still asleep, Lydia wanted to snuggle, and I was still sleepy and still having contractions. I got to sleep in until 8am, enjoying one last morning of snuggling with my little girl before our family dynamics changed. It was wonderful!
At 8:30 I called my mom and asked her to come over, saying I thought labor would be today. But by the time she got to our house (9:30ish) my contractions were pretty few and far between. Boo.
I scrubbed the bathtub and went for a walk. I went upstairs and downstairs. They eventuallty came back enough (thanks to an episode of Glee) for me to call Travis and my midwife.
Mom took the kids for the evening, and when Trav and I got home we decided to go for a ride in the car. The car ride was what did the trick. The contractions are here, and they are longer, stronger and closer together. For sure.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
preparation for big events
- homemade pizza with sausage and pepperoni CHECK
- IBC rootbeer CHECK
- Dr. Pepper CHECK
- guacamole and chips CHECK
- Reeces PB Cups CHECK
We are ready for the first Bears game of the regular season
- clean hand and bath towels and washcloths, 4 of each CHECK
- 2 flannel backed vinyl tablecloths CHECK
- cleaned ice cream bucket CHECK
- olive oil CHECK
- hydrogen peroxide CHECK
- clean sheets CHECK
- 4 large gargabe bags CHECK
- electric heating pad CHECK
- sterile gloves CHECK
- stopwatch CHECK
- clean clothes and blankets CHECK
- recipes marked in cookbooks CHECK
- size 1 diapers CHECK
We are ready for the home birth.
- IBC rootbeer CHECK
- Dr. Pepper CHECK
- guacamole and chips CHECK
- Reeces PB Cups CHECK
We are ready for the first Bears game of the regular season
- clean hand and bath towels and washcloths, 4 of each CHECK
- 2 flannel backed vinyl tablecloths CHECK
- cleaned ice cream bucket CHECK
- olive oil CHECK
- hydrogen peroxide CHECK
- clean sheets CHECK
- 4 large gargabe bags CHECK
- electric heating pad CHECK
- sterile gloves CHECK
- stopwatch CHECK
- clean clothes and blankets CHECK
- recipes marked in cookbooks CHECK
- size 1 diapers CHECK
We are ready for the home birth.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
"the upcoming birth", or "I am so not ready for this"
One week and five days until the due date of my fourth child.
Have we been preparing for this?
Heck no!
We've been remodeling and rearranging a house. We've been going back to school. Dealing with a teething almost one year old. Cuddling with the most cuddle-craving two year old I've ever met. Preparing for a birthday party. Trying to nap, rest, just sit down!
Do I have my birthday cake picked out? No.
Do we have names picked out? No.
Do we have the homebirth supplies assembled? No.
Do we have the bassinet set up? Newborn clothes out of the basement? Diapers purchased?
No. No. And no.
This kid better not come early.
But more than not being physically ready, I just don't feel ready.
I've been too busy with life to think about another person joining our family, and when I finally did, all I could think of was the labor and delivery.
I was not afraid going into Lydia's birth. I felt confident in my body and its ability to do what it needed to do. I also felt confident in my midwife and husband, and their abilities to comfort and support me through the labor.
That labor lasted for 21 hours and included lots of back labor.
I was not afraid for Bennet's birth. I knew what I had done for Lydia and felt like I could do it again. I also was reassured by the general rule that second labors are shorter than first. And I loved the care I was given by my midwife and her assistants during Lydia's birth. I knew that being at home was a great option and I relished in the care, attention and comfort.
That labor lasted for 17 hours. Pushing was difficult and Bennet's shoulders were stuck after his head was born.
For the first time, I feel nervous about giving birth. I'm a bit scared of another long labor and another big baby. I feel worn out from being the mother of two small kids and when I picture hours of pain I don't know if I can do it. The confidence I once felt in my body's ability to birth naturally - heck to just give birth! - has diminished. I've forgotten how to trust my body. When I think of an epidural (no pain!) I want to go straight to the hospital.
I won't, though. I won't go to the hospital. Because the epidural - which isn't even a 100% guarantee of a painless birth - isn't enough to negate all the perks of a home birth.
Bernice as my midwife.
Not having to fight for what I want.
Being home, in my own bed, cuddling with my whole family.
Smelling my birthday cake as it bakes, knowing it's waiting for me.
No transitioning from home to hospital and back again.
I'm sure to those who have never given birth at home this list seems silly. But I assure you they are not. They are wonderful things. Things that helped make my birthing experiences very good experiences.
But I'm still a little worried about this whole L&D thing.
So do me a favor, would you please? If you are a home (or natural) birther, remind me that I can do it. Cheer me on. And PLEASE pray for a labor that lasts ten hours - at most!
Have we been preparing for this?
Heck no!
We've been remodeling and rearranging a house. We've been going back to school. Dealing with a teething almost one year old. Cuddling with the most cuddle-craving two year old I've ever met. Preparing for a birthday party. Trying to nap, rest, just sit down!
Do I have my birthday cake picked out? No.
Do we have names picked out? No.
Do we have the homebirth supplies assembled? No.
Do we have the bassinet set up? Newborn clothes out of the basement? Diapers purchased?
No. No. And no.
This kid better not come early.
But more than not being physically ready, I just don't feel ready.
I've been too busy with life to think about another person joining our family, and when I finally did, all I could think of was the labor and delivery.
I was not afraid going into Lydia's birth. I felt confident in my body and its ability to do what it needed to do. I also felt confident in my midwife and husband, and their abilities to comfort and support me through the labor.
That labor lasted for 21 hours and included lots of back labor.
I was not afraid for Bennet's birth. I knew what I had done for Lydia and felt like I could do it again. I also was reassured by the general rule that second labors are shorter than first. And I loved the care I was given by my midwife and her assistants during Lydia's birth. I knew that being at home was a great option and I relished in the care, attention and comfort.
That labor lasted for 17 hours. Pushing was difficult and Bennet's shoulders were stuck after his head was born.
For the first time, I feel nervous about giving birth. I'm a bit scared of another long labor and another big baby. I feel worn out from being the mother of two small kids and when I picture hours of pain I don't know if I can do it. The confidence I once felt in my body's ability to birth naturally - heck to just give birth! - has diminished. I've forgotten how to trust my body. When I think of an epidural (no pain!) I want to go straight to the hospital.
I won't, though. I won't go to the hospital. Because the epidural - which isn't even a 100% guarantee of a painless birth - isn't enough to negate all the perks of a home birth.
Bernice as my midwife.
Not having to fight for what I want.
Being home, in my own bed, cuddling with my whole family.
Smelling my birthday cake as it bakes, knowing it's waiting for me.
No transitioning from home to hospital and back again.
I'm sure to those who have never given birth at home this list seems silly. But I assure you they are not. They are wonderful things. Things that helped make my birthing experiences very good experiences.
But I'm still a little worried about this whole L&D thing.
So do me a favor, would you please? If you are a home (or natural) birther, remind me that I can do it. Cheer me on. And PLEASE pray for a labor that lasts ten hours - at most!
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Bennet's Birth Story
This time is all started with a jerk of a woman...
Mom had Lydia and Travis and I decided to have one more date night. I decided I wanted Chinese to see if it would help bring on the pain. I was already having contractions but we didn't want them to die off, so armed with a towel, we made our way to the buffet. As we entered the restaurant a gray haired woman, at a table full of women, saw me and loudly said, "Jesus Christ!" She then turned to the other women and whispered and nodded at my belly. All of them stared. She made me so mad... But I was really big.
By the time we got home we knew it was time to start timing the contractions. We knew it was the night so we called Bernice, got in bed and slept between contractions. Attending this birth was Bernice, my midwife; Kim, the leader of my LLL chapter and Bernice's birth assistant; Katie B, our good friend; and my mom would come at pushing time, Lydia in tow.
I had hoped to not labor through the night again but this time around the back labor was very limited so it wasn't as bad, and everyone seemed pretty confident that this labor and delivery would be shorter and easier. In the middle of the night we went for a walk to speed things up, I took a bath, slept some more, got sick a couple of times, and by the morning we were all pretty confident that the baby would be born by 10am.
But we experienced some problems. First, as my body was getting tired and I was beginning to feel the urge to push part of my cervix was not completely open. The baby was moving down but couldn't get through because of it. We tried a variety of positions, with Bernice holding back the lip, but in the end I was too exhausted and too, um, backed up. I must say that Bernice's positioning was quite brave since my water still had not broken. All I wanted to do was lay down and fall asleep but Kim and Bernice wouldn't let me. I believe I also asked them at this time if they had an epidural. The pain wasn't as bad as it had been with Lydia, but my body felt too tired to deal with it and work through the contractions. Alas, there was no epidural in the birthing supplies.
However, there was an enema, which was administered on the bathroom floor. They told me to try to hold it in as long as possible, but that was just crazy talk. As soon as Bernice was done I leaped off the floor and onto the toilet. After a bit I started to bear down and leaping off the toilet cried, "This isn't poop anymore!"
The next part I don't remember very well. I think I was kneeling for a little bit as I pushed out his head. I was so proud of myself, too, because I went slowly so I wouldn't tear like I did with Lydia. I remember Bernice having me reach down to feel his head as a way to encourage me, and Travis telling me that he had a cute face. It was painful and I know I was crying out, but it was about to get worse.
Both of his shoulders ended up getting stuck. This meant that Bernice had to reach up and free him while I was pushing. I know I was standing with my knees bent and I was hollering in pain. At one point I think I screamed out to Mother Mary, but I'm not sure what I said. I think it was a prayer, though. I know that my mom took Lydia outside because it was too hard for her to hear me in so much pain and she didn't want Lydia to become scared. I know Katie, who was supposed to be taking pictures, looked unsure and worried. Travis' body tensed a bit; Bernice and Kim became faster and more stern with their directions. I remember thinking, "My baby is going to die because of this."
When he did come out Bernice lifted him up to me. I turned him on his side and we started rubbing his back. His heart rate was checked and it was still strong, but he wasn't crying. Just as Kim went to get the oxygen, though, he started up and everyone was relieved. I looked down to see that he was a baby boy and then asked if I could sit down.
Travis cut the cord. The afterbirth came out without any problems. Mom was summoned and Lydia came in to see her new brother - although she didn't quite know what he was or where he came from. Baby boy and I got cleaned up a bit and went to the bed to rest while things were picked up. At that point Travis and I talked about the name.
As you probably know, we were originally going to name him Bennet, which was our boy name for Lydia and is a nod to the pope and my grandpa Benno. But when we learned of several other Bennets we changed to Kolbe. But recently we dropped Kolbe; Travis wanted to use Joseph and I wanted to go back to Bennet. As we sat on the bed we played Paper, Rock, Scissor to see who would get their way. Travis won 2 out of 3 but then said that after all I went through I earned the right to name him.
Bennet Mark weighed 10lbs 11oz. He is 21.75" long. His head is 14" and chest 15" in circumference. He latched on right away and is a great nurser. His pinky toes are crooked and all his toes are long and thin. He had hands like his Grandpa E and the nose of a Fandel. Lydia can say his name and it is so, so, so cute.
My afterpains are horrible - they travel all the way down to my knees - and my bottom is sore. With all the extra work that came from his shoulders I ended up needing some stitches. Other than that I feel good as long as I don't have to walk any further than to the bathroom. I've already lost 21lbs, but I still have 30 to go! I'll have to not eat too much of the plum birth day cake Katie made, though.
Thank you so much for all your prayers and warm wishes. God bless you!
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Thoughts on the upcoming birth
Last week I woke up one morning and realized that I am NOT mentally prepared for the birth of our third child. I think that in the first 7 months I just didn't let myself think about it, any hint of a worry or wonder and I'd push it out of my mind. But suddenly I was bombarded with thoughts and none of them were good.
- What if I have back labor again?
- What if the baby is facing the wrong way again?
- How long will this labor be?
- How will Lydia react to the whole thing? Will she be scared?
- Just how judged by others will I feel about our circumcision decision? (Seriously, I just might not change boy diapers in front of anyone.)
- I feel soooo much more tired this time around - will I even be able to push this kid out or will I be too exhausted?
- Will we have all the breastfeeding issues again?
- Will he sleep through the night?
- Will Lydia start waking up a lot again?
- What will happen to all my snuggle time with my daughter?
- Will Lydia resent me and the baby?
- Will the baby blues be as bad this time around?
- Will it take 7 months again before I love and like this one?
- Will he have colic like Lydia did?
- What if he's high needs, too? How does one take care of a high needs newborn and a attention-craving toddler?
The list actually does go on. With questions like, "Will I ever feel attractive again?" "Will I lose weight in time for the 10 year reunion?" "Can stretch marks go all the way to my neck?"
I know that I need to deal with all this stuff, because doing so will make me a better mom and will help labor go better... but I just don't know what to believe or trust?
Any help from any second time moms?
- What if I have back labor again?
- What if the baby is facing the wrong way again?
- How long will this labor be?
- How will Lydia react to the whole thing? Will she be scared?
- Just how judged by others will I feel about our circumcision decision? (Seriously, I just might not change boy diapers in front of anyone.)
- I feel soooo much more tired this time around - will I even be able to push this kid out or will I be too exhausted?
- Will we have all the breastfeeding issues again?
- Will he sleep through the night?
- Will Lydia start waking up a lot again?
- What will happen to all my snuggle time with my daughter?
- Will Lydia resent me and the baby?
- Will the baby blues be as bad this time around?
- Will it take 7 months again before I love and like this one?
- Will he have colic like Lydia did?
- What if he's high needs, too? How does one take care of a high needs newborn and a attention-craving toddler?
The list actually does go on. With questions like, "Will I ever feel attractive again?" "Will I lose weight in time for the 10 year reunion?" "Can stretch marks go all the way to my neck?"
I know that I need to deal with all this stuff, because doing so will make me a better mom and will help labor go better... but I just don't know what to believe or trust?
Any help from any second time moms?
Monday, December 29, 2008
The Other Side of the Glass
This looks really interesting - I'd love to see this film. It makes me so grateful for my homebirth and the role Travis played during my labor, delivery and Lydia's immediate care.
Saw this video here: http://home.earthlink.net/~birthnews/
It's a good site with some more info on the Home Birth Saftey Illinois Senate Bill that will create a system in our state to license homebirth midwives, making homebirth available to more women in Illinois in a safe and legal way. (IE - Currently homebirths may only be attended by certified nurse midwives and my understanding is that outside of Chicagoland there are only two CNMs in the state with Bernice, my midwife being one of them.)
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Legal Homebirth in Illinois
Okay everyone:
Please help support midwives and homebirths in the state of Illinois by encouraging your state rep to support the Home Birth Safety Act. The doctors in America hate homebirth and are trying to stop licensing midwives for homebirth. If this happens it means no more homebirths in IL!
Giving birth to Lydia at home was a wonderful experience for me and Travis, and we're so glad I was at home rather than at a hospital. I feel fairly confident, after hearing women with similar labor stories, that had I been in a hospital I would have ended up with lots of interventions and probably a c-section. Good health care provides options for women, including the option for a home birth.
Please go to http://ilga.gov/ to find your legislator and give them a call! Please! This is me begging!
Merry Christmas and thanks for your time!
Love, Bonnie
Below is the message I got informing me about the bill. I modified it slightly for easier reading.
Today (12/24) most Illinois legislators will receive a position statement from the Illinois State Medical Society against the Home Birth Safety Act. It is a strongly worded criticism of our bill. This means that the opposition is already aware that our bill will be voted on in January. They even told our co-sponsors that, "Physicians at the Illinois State Medical Society are extremely disheartened with your cosponsorship and support of Senate Bill 385, a bill that we believe is a dangers step backwards in health care and will jeopardize the safety of women ad newborns."
Giving birth to Lydia at home was a wonderful experience for me and Travis, and we're so glad I was at home rather than at a hospital. I feel fairly confident, after hearing women with similar labor stories, that had I been in a hospital I would have ended up with lots of interventions and probably a c-section. Good health care provides options for women, including the option for a home birth.
Please go to http://ilga.gov/ to find your legislator and give them a call! Please! This is me begging!
Merry Christmas and thanks for your time!
Love, Bonnie
Below is the message I got informing me about the bill. I modified it slightly for easier reading.
Today (12/24) most Illinois legislators will receive a position statement from the Illinois State Medical Society against the Home Birth Safety Act. It is a strongly worded criticism of our bill. This means that the opposition is already aware that our bill will be voted on in January. They even told our co-sponsors that, "Physicians at the Illinois State Medical Society are extremely disheartened with your cosponsorship and support of Senate Bill 385, a bill that we believe is a dangers step backwards in health care and will jeopardize the safety of women ad newborns."
Contact your Illinois state representative asking their office, "Now that the nurses are neutral, will you (or the representative) support Senate Bill 385, the Home Birth Safety Act?"
Go to ilga.gov to look up your state reps so you can get the phone number. Now is the time for EVERYONE to do EVERYTHING they can to support licensing midwives in Illinois! NO HOLDS BARRED!
Thanks you, and have a warm and happy holiday!
Colette Bernhard
Legislative Chair
Coalition for Illinois Midwifery
Monday, November 3, 2008
What I did 6 months ago
6 months ago, May 3rd, was Lydia's birth day. Here's some pictures to commemorate what I did that day.
(Warning, these are the most "risky" pictures I've put up, but nothing too gross.)
This is Bernice, my midwife. She was listening to the baby through a contraction.
Her white little hands and feet are what knocked her down one point on the APGAR. Please notice my very red knees.
Holding my newborn - she was maybe an hour old.
Less than 2 days old.
6 months old exactly. What a cutie!
Please excuse me for being so bold as I say, "Well done, Me."
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
tisk tisk
Yesterday Trav and I were listening to the Christian radio station. The dj's were talking about a woman who had a c-section (they didn't say why) and gave birth to a 8lb 10oz, 20.6" long baby girl. The female dj, after hearing the size of the child made some comment similar to:
"It's a good thing she had the c-section then!"
Travis and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes.
There are a lot of good reasons to have a c-section and to be thankful that there are skilled doctors who can perform the operation. But I am confident that recovering from major abdominal surgery is much, much worse than the pain of delivering a 9lb baby vaginally.
Not to mention the difference in cost. I was told by my ob/gyn office (before I switched to my homebirth midwife) that the average cost of a normal vaginal birth with one day in the hospital was $4,210 for the mother and $1,674 for the baby. The average cost of a c-section without complications was $10,199 for the mom and $4,400 for the baby. And that was just the hospital bills! That doesn't include what we would have paid our doctor for prenatal, postnatal and delivery.
And if you're curious, the total amount owed to Bernice for prenatal, delivery and postnatal care was $2,475.
"It's a good thing she had the c-section then!"
Travis and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes.
There are a lot of good reasons to have a c-section and to be thankful that there are skilled doctors who can perform the operation. But I am confident that recovering from major abdominal surgery is much, much worse than the pain of delivering a 9lb baby vaginally.
Not to mention the difference in cost. I was told by my ob/gyn office (before I switched to my homebirth midwife) that the average cost of a normal vaginal birth with one day in the hospital was $4,210 for the mother and $1,674 for the baby. The average cost of a c-section without complications was $10,199 for the mom and $4,400 for the baby. And that was just the hospital bills! That doesn't include what we would have paid our doctor for prenatal, postnatal and delivery.
And if you're curious, the total amount owed to Bernice for prenatal, delivery and postnatal care was $2,475.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Controversy over Home Birth
Some of you may find this interesting since I just did this:
The American Medical Association's American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists have released a statement saying they will be developing legislation to essentially outlaw home birth.
What's funny, is that while the ACOG does not like home births one bit and considers them quite dangerous and selfish on the mother's part, across the pond, the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (British version of ACOG) believes home births are great:
"The Royal College of Midwives (RCM) and the Royal College of Obstetricians and
Gynaecologists (RCOG) support home birth for women with uncomplicated pregnancies. There is no reason why home birth should not be offered to women at low risk of complications and it may confer considerable benefits for them and their families. There is ample evidence showing that labouring at home increases a woman’s likelihood of a birth that is both satisfying and safe, with implications for her health and that of her baby." (emphasis mine)
You can read the rest of the statement here.
What's also interesting about all this is that the AMA mentions Ricki Lake, who made famous her home birth with her documentary The Business of Being Born. I saw the BoBB. It was actually at that showing that I got Bernice's name and number. I became convinced that I wanted to home birth after watching that movie.
And what's also interesting is that when I just re watched its trailer I realized that many of the emotions and thoughts I expected to have after birthing came from that movie and the things women said in it. Truly, I am at a point where I feel the same as those mothers in the BoBB, but it took me a good six weeks for all of them to come to fruition. So, while I'm sure Ricki would feel horrible if she knew, I think that the BoBB and the expectations that it gave me made my postpartum even worse. I'm not blaming the documentary, though. I'm sure the hormones and screaming baby played MUCH bigger roles. ;) And, what's more, I still encourage women and men, especially those who are expecting or will be soon to watch this movie.
The American Medical Association's American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists have released a statement saying they will be developing legislation to essentially outlaw home birth.
What's funny, is that while the ACOG does not like home births one bit and considers them quite dangerous and selfish on the mother's part, across the pond, the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (British version of ACOG) believes home births are great:
"The Royal College of Midwives (RCM) and the Royal College of Obstetricians and
Gynaecologists (RCOG) support home birth for women with uncomplicated pregnancies. There is no reason why home birth should not be offered to women at low risk of complications and it may confer considerable benefits for them and their families. There is ample evidence showing that labouring at home increases a woman’s likelihood of a birth that is both satisfying and safe, with implications for her health and that of her baby." (emphasis mine)
You can read the rest of the statement here.
******************
What's also interesting about all this is that the AMA mentions Ricki Lake, who made famous her home birth with her documentary The Business of Being Born. I saw the BoBB. It was actually at that showing that I got Bernice's name and number. I became convinced that I wanted to home birth after watching that movie.
And what's also interesting is that when I just re watched its trailer I realized that many of the emotions and thoughts I expected to have after birthing came from that movie and the things women said in it. Truly, I am at a point where I feel the same as those mothers in the BoBB, but it took me a good six weeks for all of them to come to fruition. So, while I'm sure Ricki would feel horrible if she knew, I think that the BoBB and the expectations that it gave me made my postpartum even worse. I'm not blaming the documentary, though. I'm sure the hormones and screaming baby played MUCH bigger roles. ;) And, what's more, I still encourage women and men, especially those who are expecting or will be soon to watch this movie.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Will I do another home birth?
A lot of people have asked me if I'll do another home birth after how hard the first one was. (Some people seem to think that the obvious answer is "No" as they seem kinda smug when they ask, as they just knew I'd be begging for an epidural when things got hard.)
But I intend to plan a home birth for my second child just like I did for Lydia.
After 5 weeks of reflection this is what I've come to see:
- I am still glad I never had to transition from home to hospital and back again.
- I would not want to have changed anything that would have changed the role Travis played at the birth.
- From 11am-1pm on Saturday (the day Lydia was born) I was in a lot of pain and I did tell Travis I wanted an epidural, hell - I wanted that baby cut out of me - I didn't care - just end the pain. But that was during the stage of labor called the transition, the hardest part for every woman. It is at that point that many women will cry, say they can't do it, ask for an epidural, and just want it to all be over with. This is not a sign of weakness in me or any other woman - it's just the way it is.
- I went into labor Friday night at 7, yet 12 hours of intense contractions later I had not dilated. Also, any labor over 20 hours is considered a complicated labor (and mine was 21). Travis and I chose a home birth because we didn't want to be in a hospital setting where they might want to intervene with drugs, which always increases your chances of fetal distress and c-sections. Based on what I've read and heard, I believe it's very likely hospital staff would have wanted to give me drugs to speed up my labor. I'm glad I did not have to make decisions or face any kind of pressure.
- The care I have received from the women who attended my home birth has been amazing, and is unlike anything I would have received from an ob/gyn (especially the one I was seeing when I began my pregnancy). I am especially grateful to my caregivers as they were very good about checking in with me and being available throughout the very difficult baby blues.
And most importantly:
- More and more I can appreciate what I did and what that means about who I am and what I'm made of. Going into it, I thought labor and birth would be the most amazing thing I'd ever do. Some people climb mountains, run marathons or go skydiving to challenge themselves and their bodies. But who needs Mt. Everest when I can deliver a child - just as my body was designed to do, and just as God wants me to (meaning my vocation as a mother). That was my opinion while pregnant, but after my hard birth I felt a bit duped. However, the more I've thought and prayed about it, the more I've come back to the original thought. I'm proud of what I did and that the decisions I made were in the best interest of me and my baby. And I've come to see that strength is shown in how well we do in our weakest moments. And I did pretty damn well.
But I intend to plan a home birth for my second child just like I did for Lydia.
After 5 weeks of reflection this is what I've come to see:
- I am still glad I never had to transition from home to hospital and back again.
- I would not want to have changed anything that would have changed the role Travis played at the birth.
- From 11am-1pm on Saturday (the day Lydia was born) I was in a lot of pain and I did tell Travis I wanted an epidural, hell - I wanted that baby cut out of me - I didn't care - just end the pain. But that was during the stage of labor called the transition, the hardest part for every woman. It is at that point that many women will cry, say they can't do it, ask for an epidural, and just want it to all be over with. This is not a sign of weakness in me or any other woman - it's just the way it is.
- I went into labor Friday night at 7, yet 12 hours of intense contractions later I had not dilated. Also, any labor over 20 hours is considered a complicated labor (and mine was 21). Travis and I chose a home birth because we didn't want to be in a hospital setting where they might want to intervene with drugs, which always increases your chances of fetal distress and c-sections. Based on what I've read and heard, I believe it's very likely hospital staff would have wanted to give me drugs to speed up my labor. I'm glad I did not have to make decisions or face any kind of pressure.
- The care I have received from the women who attended my home birth has been amazing, and is unlike anything I would have received from an ob/gyn (especially the one I was seeing when I began my pregnancy). I am especially grateful to my caregivers as they were very good about checking in with me and being available throughout the very difficult baby blues.
And most importantly:
- More and more I can appreciate what I did and what that means about who I am and what I'm made of. Going into it, I thought labor and birth would be the most amazing thing I'd ever do. Some people climb mountains, run marathons or go skydiving to challenge themselves and their bodies. But who needs Mt. Everest when I can deliver a child - just as my body was designed to do, and just as God wants me to (meaning my vocation as a mother). That was my opinion while pregnant, but after my hard birth I felt a bit duped. However, the more I've thought and prayed about it, the more I've come back to the original thought. I'm proud of what I did and that the decisions I made were in the best interest of me and my baby. And I've come to see that strength is shown in how well we do in our weakest moments. And I did pretty damn well.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
I am the Promised Land...
... minus the honey. But, oh, how the milk is flowing.
Lydia is now 12 days old and I thought I'd give a quick fill in on what's been happening since the birth.
There have been some struggles with breastfeeding. Lots of pain and soreness, followed by Lydia not taking the right breast, followed by engorgement. Thank God for Kim, who attended the birth and is with La Leche League. She's paid us 2 home visits and we've finally figured things out. I'm pumping the right breast until it heals up a bit and Lydia grows a little bigger.
However, even with her feeding on just one breast she is definitely getting enough milk! She has plenty of dirty diapers and, even more impressive, she's growing! Doctors want babies to have regained to their birth weight by two weeks. Lydia had gained almost a full pound by day 10.
******************
I'm still reflecting a lot on the birth. Overall, I would say it was a lot worse than I ever thought it would be. I'm still glad I did a home birth, because there were so many perks to being at home: the women who attended me, the role Travis played, the comfort I felt being home, not having to transition to the hospital and then home again. Plus, because it was such a difficult labor who knows how it could have turned out had we been in the hospital. Would I have ended up taking an epidural? Would that have led to complications? Would I have been one of the 31% of women who have a c-section? But if I'm going to be honest, I have to confess that the pain I went through in labor was the most horrible thing I've ever experienced in my life.
These past two weeks have been a bit of an emotional roller coaster and I have been struggling with the "baby blues" a lot. Things are getting better, especially since we've worked out some of the breastfeeding issues, and I've been able to delight in my daughter a lot more.
She really is a cute, sweet little booger. Even when she's pooping. :)
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