That's why I am so grateful for the friends and family who have provided dinners for Travis and I and to my mom, who has spent the night and many days with me and Lydia. The more I sleep the better I feel and Mom's presence allows me to nap more.
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For as long as I can remember I've wanted to be a stay at home mom. I was always a great babysitter - I cooked, cleaned and the kids loved me. So I thought that the whole SAHM thing would be easy for me. I pictured myself with a tidy home, dinner ready for Travis and happy children. (I also pictured myself thinner.)
Because I had the natural knack for mothering, and I feel it's my vocation, I thought this would be so much easier. I was duped. About a week ago, as I lay in bed, I thought to myself, "I don't remember praying for humility." But that is what I've gotten. My pride and dignity have gone out the window time and time again: milk soaking my shirts, poop all over, crying I cannot console, a boob poking out while I'm burping a fussy Lydia, and on top of it all I can't shower or brush my teeth until 11 usually. And when I'm low on sleep the crying is much more likely to not only begin, but continue for hours. (I'm talking about myself crying, not my daughter.)
It is amazing how such a tiny person can make me feel so unsure, incapable and frustrated.
But man, does it feel wonderful when she snuggles up to me.
4 comments:
Isn't God amazing? You thought you had it all mapped out and He is showing you that the new work ahead is (and will be) THE MOST humbling, rewarding, frustrating, exhilerating, liberating, frightening...and MOST IMPORTANT you can do. You cannot even imagine how RICH you will become because of it.
And all of this emotion and your child is well!!!
Relish the doses of humility. Keep your humor about you for that. And as far as your insecurity...remember NO ONE is a natural mother. No such thing. Everyone learns what works for them and each individual child (cause they are all completely different)...and the Great Spirit is right in there with you helping you along!
My new learning curve in the mothering job is having the patience and foresight to keep my mouth shut as my oldest makes his own mistakes! But then to be there when he WANTS (not needs) my opinion. The best part is the hug and laughs after the episode is over...
Thinking of you. And remember...you can live off of peanut butter and jelly and naps for quite a while! Simple is the best. And who needs their teeth brushed right away? Not when you can snuggle a little one - Miss you and am SO delighted for you!
By the way Bonnie, that was me above who just posted. It put me down as "MA". Bet you coulda guessed, huh?
I completely relate to you feeling insecure. I felt not prepared for motherhood, despite all the babysitting I did, and nothing my husband could say would make it better.
Just remember...Lydia knows you best, after all she camped out in your uterus for 10 months!
Thank God for Moms! I definitely would not have survived without mine helping me during those first few weeks with Jonah. Keep hanging in there!
-Ton
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