Engstrom baby #5 is a GIRL!
And she's a tough lookin' sucka if you ask me. Here she is last week with her elbow pointing at you and a grimace on her face.
I'm sorry if you missed the news. I never made an announcement because, frankly, I'm just not my "normal" self right now.
I'll also be birthing at a local hospital this time around. A long time ago I prayed about where I should go and I felt like God was probably calling me in that direction. I'm also doing it to make the grandmas happy. Because of my intense fear of pushing this baby girl out (it was during pushing that James died) I would rather be at home (away from the hospital crap when the baby is a stillborn) or just have a c-section but neither of options are really healthy and I know I'm just copping out.
Don't get me wrong, though, I am still very pro homebirth. Very. In fact, the midwife I'm using did some of her training with my homebirth midwife and is very supportive of homebirth. She is doing everything she can to make sure this hospital birth - and just this birth! - are positive experiences for me. She has even encouraged me to have my homebirth midwife come to the birth.
This birth will be very different from my first 3. All the post partum things I love and that make being at home so special won't happen. But the good news is that my homebirth midwife and her birth assistant who have attended all three previous births will come to the hospital. That makes me so happy.
So maybe you can see why I never really announced these things - our child's gender and the hospital birth - I have a large amount of confusing emotions surrounding them all! But sorry to my friends who felt out of the loop, and sorry to my daughter whose life I should be celebrating.