a request for advice from experienced parents

Recently I've been wondering about 2 things, and I'd love to hear what other families have done to make their lives run more smoothly.  Please post a comment or direct me to an article / blog post that outlines what works for your family.  Thank you!

#1 Laundry:  How do you do it?  I can wash and dry, but folding and putting away seem to be my kryptonite.  How many loads a day are tackled?  How often do you wash towels and linens?  Do you incorporate your spouse and kids?  If so, how?

#2  Daily Schedule:  Is there a set flow for your days?  (Right now we get up whenever, watch some PBS Kids while breakfast is served and everyone gets dressed.  Morning nap for Bennet usually happens, an errand is usually run or a friend is visited.  Then there's lunch, another nap for Bennet and the rest is pretty smudgey until dinner and bedtime.)  I'd like to have some more structured time.  More specifically, I'd like to have set times for chores, reading, arts/crafts/flashcards (learning kinda stuff), and prayer that go along with our nap times and errands.  I have no idea what this should look like for a 2 yr old, and I want this to be fun and helpful - not stressful!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!  Thanks again!

you rascally rabbit

For those of you who read the What to do about the Easter Bunny post, I thought I'd offer a follow up.

Dear, dear Easter Bunny... 

I did a little research into your past (like Em suggested - good idea, Em!) and discovered you most likely come from Germany and that back in the day your coming was more quiet, and definitely less commercial. 

In fact, what I read sounded a lot like what my Grandpa W shared about his memories of you, Easter Bunny.  He has the sweetest memories about being a boy and making a little nest in a corner of his house.  Every day of Easter, since Catholics celebrate Easter for a full week, he'd come home and find a single egg or sweet in the nest.  Grandpa encouraged me to not turn my back on you when I told him I didn't know what to do.

When asking my mom her opinion she told me about her Great Grandma D.  I guess my great-great grandma loved you just as much as my grandpa.  She even would swear that rabbit eggs were better than chicken eggs.  She so looked forward to the little treats you would leave for her.

Now, the fondness of my grandparents' memories was pretty convicting.

 But I noticed one HUGE difference between their Easters and the Easters of my childhood and today.  Grandpa and Great Great Grandma each received small gifts, treats, or tokens.  This is a  f a r  cry from the Easter baskets of today, which look a little more like the image on the right. 

Margaret pointed out on my post that it's the commercialism that threatens to overshadow the Resurrected Christ, and not you, EB.  I agree with her, but the thing is, that's all you do:  you bring baskets filled with sidewalk chalk, stuffed toys, bubbles, and lots of candy.  (I wonder what you bring older kids?  CD's?  itunes gift cards?  DVDs?  Video games?  hmmmm... I only have a 2 year old, so I'm not sure.)

It's not that I'm against the gifts or the baskets. 

But, just like Santa, I feel like you make kids excited not because you're a neat character they can believe in, like Ariel or Super Wy.  No, they're excited about you because you bring things.  Neat things.  Nice things.  Sweet things.  And in doing so you, the great bearer of baskets, become glorified.
I should know, that's why I was excited about you when I was a kid.  And I'll be honest, you overshadowed Jesus when I was a little kid.  Let me be abundantly clear, when I was a kid, Easter was primarily about you and the Paschal Mystery was a HUGE afterthought.  (don't feel bad, Mom.  You tried, I was just greedy.)

At school we would all talk about what the Easter Bunny brought us, comparing each other's baskets to see who had the best gifts and most sweets.  This just reinforced that Easter wasn't really about Easter, it was about the baskets and you, EB.

Now, some people seem to think that by not teaching my kids about you I will be ruining a part of their childhood.  Maybe there is a morsel of truth to that.  My hope, though, is that my husband and I will be able to create enough tradtions and fun on our own, centered around Holy Week and Easter, that they will be compensated. 

I feel like I should admit at this point that my children will still receive Easter baskets with goodies inside.  But these baskets will come from their parents and grandparents, not you.  Because, believe me, us normal folk will not become glorified.  It's been proven.  (okay, we will become glorified at Christ's second coming... but that's not what I'm talking about here!)

Really, this is nothing personal.  I don't think you, Easter Bunny, are a horrible bunny.  I don't think parents who invite you into their homes are horrible parents.

But I do feel that since no one told me how they keep Christ the joyful center of Easter while keeping you a supporting character, I am unaware of how to do that myself without asking you to completely bow out of the picture. 

Please know, this isn't about you.  This is about me.  It is a personal parenting choice, made by my husband and I. 

And really, for me it came down to two reasons:

First, commercialism and secularism.  I want my family's Easters to look very different from the Easters of my atheist, agnostic and nominally Christian friends.  Maybe that sounds snooty, but I think they should be different.  A real joy, rooted in a personal relationship with the Risen Lord, should be the focus of our Easter, not a celebration of nice things, like warm weather, longer days and procreating animals.

Second, I feel I will not do a good enough job of keeping Jesus the focus if I have you in the picture.  I want my kids to grow up loving the Holy Trinity, and I wholeheartedly believe that my vocation is to get my husband, kids and self to Heaven.  If not having you come to our home every Spring helps me make that happen, then that's what I'm going to have to do.  I hope you can support me in this choice, even if you don't agree with me.

Most sincerely,
Bonnie E.

Crying it out, Bedtime and Breastfeeding

So, here's the thing. Pretty much the only way that Lydia can get to sleep is if I nurse her to sleep. This is a alright for the most part, except for the fact that it means I pretty much have to be around every night. It can also be hard because, truth be told, I don't really like breastfeeding.

Okay, breastfeeding - it's super easy, it's super quick, it's super good for mom and baby. It creates a bond, it soothes, studies show it makes kids healthier and smarter. Breastfeeding is pretty much an absolute GOOD. But it makes for a LOT of personal contact and often, by the end of the day, I am ready to not hold my daughter any more. It's not that I don't love her, or think she's absolutely wonderful and adorable, it's just that I want to not have to touch anyone.

So that's my little secret. As much of a breastfeeding activist that I am, I don't love doing it.

Because of all that, Travis and I recently decided to try getting Lydia to sleep by being rocked or just held. But the new bedtime routine of dinner (cereal), bath, book and cuddle hasn't been working very well and in the end, after much fussing, I just end up nursing her anyways.

Last night, though, we decided to try "Crying it out." It was clear that she was tired when we put her in the crib but after 50 minutes she was still crying and I felt like a JERK. (We did the method where you go back and soothe without picking up after certain periods of time.) But in the end I picked her up, apologized for leaving her alone, asked for her forgiveness, let her snuggle into my chest and eventually nursed her to sleep.

I'm not quite sure if we're succeeding as parents in this area or failing, but I think it just depends on which camp you ask. I do know this, it will be awhile before we try "crying it out" again, if we ever do.

Any words of encouragement or advice?

What my job has taught me about parents and being thankful

In my job I spend just as much time working with potential students as I do with their parents and through this I have gotten many glimpses of what I do want to be like and what I most definitely do not want to be like.

For instance, the whole micro-managing of my child's life cannot happen. The kid then has a rebellious side and the parent is annoying as all get out. Of course the parent needs to be in charge but I much prefer my mom's take on it all. She trusted us until she had a reason not to trust us. (And please note that my brothers and I are all with outstanding significant others, never partied, have good jobs and are well respected.)

But then, folks, there's the other parents who I love working with. Usually their children are first generation college students. They want the absolute best for their kid and are willing to make sacrifices to help pay for their child's education. They do not complain about not having money and then drive the Lexus to the country club. They are kind, appreciative and fun.

For example, yesterday was our first days of enrollment for incoming freshmen. One girl, P, came with her mom. They were slightly overwhelmed but everything was taken care of and at the end of the day, while P was taking care of some other things, her mom came up to my office to say good-bye. She thanked me over and over and kept giving me hugs of appreciation. She told me repeatedly that I needed to stay in touch with her daughter after I left because I had meant so much to both of them. She said that when she comes to visit she will have P email me so I can bring the baby to campus and she can meet up with us.

I sincerely hope that I can be that grateful for and appreciative of the people who come into my life.