That's what I never wanted to be: a stay at home mom who just sits around all day. I think that's part of the reason I push myself so much to keep the laundry going, mop the floor, make the bed each morning, have dinner ready and bake homemade bread. You see, in my little mind, the laundry cannot wait.
This thinking has led to much frustration with Lydia, though, since she wants to be held so much. For some reason I have always equated being a good mom with having a clean house. I really do think a clean, orderly home is very important for children, but I've very recently come to understand that Lydia's happiness and healthiness are first and foremost what make me a good mom, not the condition of my home. I know, it seems a no-brainer, and it's what I've been told over and over again, but I guess I just had to learn it for myself.
So, what this means is that when Lydia starts getting fussy and attention-needy sometime after 2pm I sit down with toys and books and play with her. I hold and bounce her. I sing and read to her. I encourage her to sit up and roll around, and I do sign language with her.
But I also have the tv on. I watch Dr. Phil and Oprah almost every day now and you know what? I (finally) don't feel guilty about it one bit. They provide me a little bit of "adult conversation" while I provide Lydia with much more of my attention and affection than I did when I was trying to clean the bathroom with her unhappily strapped to my body. The house is still clean, I just tackle the jobs when she's napping or playing by herself in the mornings. After doing this for one week I feel sooooo much less stress, frustration and guilt.
3 comments:
Good for you, Bonnie! I'm glad you're allowing yourself this little bit of relaxation. Everyone needs it, and I'm sure you'll be able to enjoy your time with your daughter and husband more since you won't be feeling stressed or cheated because you haven't had any time to unwind a little.
It was really hard for me to let go too, and it's still hard! There are times when Jonah wants me to sit and play and I'm just dying to finish that last load of laundry, but I just let it go, it can wait.
Oh and enjoy it now when you can watch whatever you want, Jonah's so bossy now he tells me no when I'm watching something! Although he loves The Food Network so I'm thankful for that. ;)
You're a mother who takes time out of her busy day to play and educate your child. There is nothing wrong with this. In fact, there is something very right about it!
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