Learning to Be a Newlywed

7 quick takes

2012-01-26T21:39:00.000-06:00

1 - I like David Crowder's voice. A little raspy. And then I like even more that it comes out of this thin little man with ridiculous hair. There's been some buzz about DCB's newest album, mostly because the Protestant band's latest album is called Give Us Rest (A Requiem Mass in C - The Happiest of All Keys). I don't know why people are so upset about them calling C the happiest of keys...

Oh, or maybe because people are afraid he's going the way Rich Mullens and Audrey Assad went - to Rome. Shoot.

2 - Do you listen to Relevant Radio? Usually I don't - especially in the mornings. But when I get a tip on a good show I like to dig around in the archives. Today's Morning Air is one show I dug around for. The second hour features Msgr Deptula from my Diocese talking about Archbishop Sheen. The third hour features Kate Wicker talking about glorifying God with our bodies. She also mentions the Behold Conference several times which is cool. You can find the links here.

3 - Speaking again of the Behold Conference - let me just say it's amazing all the things that are coming together so wonderfully. God's Hand is definitely guiding all of us through this process and it's such a blessing to be a part of it. I sincerely hope you can join us.

4 - This picture is a little old but I wanted to share it with you. Usually St. Nick only comes to our house on his feast day but this year, well, you can read for yourself:

In case you're wondering, St. Nicholas brought Lydia this letter, some dress-up shoes, and some more gold coin chocolates.

5 - In a related "parenting success" story, James was wearing some pajamas that were a little too long. As he walked around the living room Lydia, who is 3 and 1/2, started singing, "Pants on the Ground." I asked; she learned the song from me. So proud. *tear*

6 - Last night I slept for ten hours, having gone to bed at 8:30pm. By 9:30am I was so tired I had to lay down. I napped this afternoon. And I'm still super tired. I also have a cough. Ugh.

7 - Lastly, I want to warmly welcome to the world Lucy Anne, who was born to our friends Michael and Susan on Wednesday and Elijah Nathan, born to our friends Margaret and Nathan. I am so happy for our wonderful friends who have all just entered the lovely, crazy, beautiful world of parenthood! Please join me in thanking God for Lucy and Elijah.

Marching, marching, marching

2012-01-23T14:32:00.000-06:00

Today a quarter of a million people are in Washington D.C. to March for Life. I hope that when my kids are middle schoolers and older we can make the drive across the country to participate in the March. But I hope even more that by that time abortion will be illegal and a shameful part of our country's history.

Let me say that I understand many of the reasons parents chose abortion.

Parenthood is hard. I had to give up many, many things that I loved in order to be a good and responsible parent. I continue to make those sacrifices every single day.

I understand the fear that comes with finding out you're pregnant. I've held a positive ept and thought, "Oh shit."

I've wondered where the money will come from and I've worried that I'm just not cut out for the job of motherhood.

And I have stared long and hard at a baby with special needs, wondering if his life was going to have any good in it at all. I have thought about the claims that every life has dignity and, looking at a promise of vegetable for a child, I have wondered if it is true.

But despite all that I still know that no matter what I think or feel in a moment there is an absolute truth in this.
All life is valuable.
Every person has dignity.
Every child is a gift.
God is faithful and generous.

7 quick takes

2012-01-20T08:15:00.000-06:00

1 - You may not like country music. Sorry, this week's song is not for you.

2 - This is what happened in my kitchen last night:

Me - Whoa! Jeff Cavins is following me on Twitter! That's crazy! Why would he do that? (Feeling all kinds of pressure to be holy, funny, intelligent in my forthcoming tweets, especially since in my head I was thinking, "oh shit!".)

Travis - What?! I bet it's because of James and Sheen.

Me - Maybe. I'm gonna check into this... Oh. He's following over 6,500 people. I'm not that special after all. He doesn't know me or James or anything about us. Well, that changes things! (feeling of sweet relief mingled with a touch of humility)

3 - I am a product of public schools. I am a fabulously lousy pre-school homeschooling mom. But I totally loved this video. He brings up a lot of great examples of why I'm a little jealous of my friends who do homeschool.

4 - Watching the Republican debate. I didn't even begin to follow this stuff until the candidates are more "manageable". Four is manageable. I can research their voting records, go over their websites, etc now that there's four. In recent history Mikhail Gorbachev said that what Ronald Reagan was able to accomplish with the Cold War Obama never would have been able to do because of Reagan's character: strong, but a gentleman. I think Gorbachev would say the same thing about Newt that he said about Obama, and I think that matters.

5 - Kate Wicker has a guest post up at the Behold blog called "Glorify God in Your Body". It's great and will give you a little glimpse of what Kate will be talking about at the Behold Conference. Check it out!

6 - I'm so tired. So go read Dwija at House Unseen instead. She's funny and hospitable - what a great combination.

7 - Congrats to all of us for making to the weekend.

cleaning music

2012-01-18T21:09:00.000-06:00

We've found that the kids, especially Lydia, are much better about picking up if we put on some cleaning music. I usually put on some fun pop song like Bieber's Baby or Sara Groves' Setting Up the Pins. Tonight, Travis put on this little ditty, which I must confess I really like.

I love my husband. :)

For Joanna

2012-01-18T21:01:00.001-06:00

When I posted about what I baked for Christmas one of my readers, Joanna, requested my recipe for chocolate crinkles.

Joanna, I finally posted the recipe for you! Please check out my recipe box blog, bonnie dinner table, for the recipe. I hope your Kate loves them!

a moment of brilliance

2012-01-17T15:46:00.001-06:00

Did you know that you can spend $1.70 on 2lbs 14oz of pure applesauce or $.70 on 6oz of babyfood applesauce? Did you know that it's the same flipping thing but one last much longer and will save you all kinds of money?

Did you know it took me 3 children to figure this out?

What a nincompoop.

Peter's birthday / For Pete's Sake

2012-01-15T20:56:00.003-06:00

Today is the fourth anniversary of our first child's due date. It's pretty much all I have of him. Had Peter survived the pregnancy he would be four years old today.

I wonder if he would look like me or Travis. I wonder if he would prefer chocolate or vanilla. I wonder what would make him laugh. I wish I could hear him say my name and I wish I could scoop him up in my arms.

Awhile ago someone anonymously mailed me an image of Christ holding a small child. I consider it my only picture of my son and I greatly appreciate the gift.

For Peter's sake I gather prayer intentions on the 15th of each month. The intentions can be related to infertility, the loss of a child, a failed adoption - anything that is related to the longing for a child.

As a way to honor the child I lost through miscarriage, Peter Mark, and to share your burden, please allow me to pray for you or your loved ones who are carrying the cross of infertility or loss of a child.

You may share your prayer request in the comment box or by emailing me at bonnie engstrom at gmail dot com.

Comments may be anonymous and please feel free to share as much or as little as you like.

It is an honor to pray for you! Thank you for the privilege!

7 quick takes

2012-01-13T07:03:00.000-06:00

1 - This song is a tribute to what I had wanted to happen.

2 - I am on Pinterest. Are you? It's true what everyone says about - a great way to have hours of your life sucked away from you. But it did teach me about the sock bun.

I look cute with a sock bun. Not gonna lie.

3 - It's also how I learned how to do a simple Gibson Tuck.

I was hoping I'd look really cute with my hair like this. But I got 0 compliments and my husband told me I looked like an AC. (That's Apostolic Christian. I was told once, by an AC, that there are more AC churches in Central Illinois than in the rest of the world combined. So you may not know what an AC is. Think strict Baptist meets strict Mennonite. They're good people. The women wear skirts, and always have their hair up with a little croqueted covering.) It's not an insult to be told I look AC, but I would have preferred "pretty", "classy", or even "nice".

4 - Of course I was not trying to look like an AC. I was a little more inspired by this:

It is true. The void in my life created once I finished Lost has now been filled by Downton Abbey. Simply put: I am in love.

5 - Here's a little post I wrote over at the Behold blog. It's all about how I got involved with Behold in the first place. Check it out!

6 - There is a youtube video all over the place called "I hate religion, but love Jesus". It's really well done and you may have seen it. If you have, I encourage you to read this commentary, written by Marc Barnes.

7 - We still have our Christmas lights on the front porch and I still turn them on. Especially now that there's snow I like having them glowing in the night.

Winter is so dark and I love coming home to a dark street with our cheery lights welcoming me. But I do promise to you all that they won't stay up all year long.

in case you needed another reason to come to the Behold Conference

2012-01-12T18:41:00.001-06:00

I give you Meet the Bloggers:

Behold 2012 is embracing new media and highlighting the vibrant Catholic women’s blogosphere. We call it “Meet the Bloggers.”

Prominent Catholic women bloggers will be at the conference, available to meet Behold attendees and chat about their blogs, books and other topics. In addition, we’ll be brainstorming ideas with these new media women for how to incorporate blogging, podcasts and new media more fully into future years.

Confirmed bloggers include:
- Jennifer Fulwiler
- Hallie Lord
- Danielle Bean
- Sr. Helena Burns
- Mary Hasson
- Arwen Mosher
- Amy Bonaccorso
- Sarah Reinhard

Come on! I know you want to come! Register now - scholarships are available but the application deadline is approaching!

Go to www.beholdconference.com to find out more information and to register online!

inappropriate comments at the grocery store.

2012-01-10T21:55:00.000-06:00

Monday my big, pregnant belly, my three kids, and I were grocery shopping in the late morning. A couple, probably in their 60's walked by and smiled at us.

The man said, "What do you do in your spare time?!" implying that I would have no spare time.

I responded, "Look at all these kids, what do you think I do in my spare time?!" implying the kids are the fruit of my spare time.

He didn't laugh, nor did he look at me again when we met up in other aisles.

It was awkward.

When I told Travis that night he laughed really hard and told me he was embarrassed for me.

7 quick takes

2012-01-04T13:42:00.000-06:00

1 - Love Mat Kearney. Love this song. Love.

2 - Lessons from a Tribunal is my latest post over at IGNITUM TODAY. Here's a snippet of it:

The first thing I was taught is to never call it a miracle. I can talk about the miracle of life, a miracle on 34th Street, and the miracle of water changing into wine. I cannot talk about the miracle of my son being brought back to life because it isn’t one. Well, you know, I think it’s a miracle and probably you think it’s a miracle but the Roman Catholic Church takes their miracles VERY seriously and it is not an official miracle until they say so. The tribunal was an investigation into the alleged miracle of my son being brought back to life.
When you're done here, head on over to read the rest!

3 - Travis goes back to work on Monday. I've so enjoyed him being home and I'm not ready for him to go back. This is why we need a snow day.

4 - I have to say I am totally disappointed with the weather. This year was supposed to be "snowmaggedon" with all kinds of deep, lasting snow. This week we are once again looking at highs in the 50's and sunny skies. And yes, I am bummed as I say that.

5 - NFP and Me has a great post up about natural family planning from a Protestant's perspective. I really appreciated reading it and I encourage you to check it out.

6 - Today is Epiphany. Today the kids and I (mostly me) will sing "We Three Kings" as we move the wisemen to the stable. And during their quiet time I'll wrap the gifts I bought on sale after Christmas and put them under the tree. Because I totally forgot about doing it last night. Ooops.

7 - Does anyone do anything special each of the 12 Days of Christmas to keep the Season going? Now that we've got Advent down pretty well I'd like to do something for Christmas. At this point all we do is say "Happy Birthday, Jesus!" while we light the white Christmas candle at meals and continue to play with the Melissa&Doug nativity set the kids have. We need some more ideas, me thinks!

this song

2012-01-02T23:11:00.000-06:00

This is the song I listen to when I'm sad. It's what I've done since college.

So let's all listen to it and wallow, shall we?

Christmas Review #3 - the 7 quick takes edition

2011-12-30T06:43:00.000-06:00

-1-

What a beautiful song "In the Bleak Midwinter" is. There's three verses that are usually not sung - maybe because they're a little too religiousy? - but nonetheless the last verse is still my favorite. It's so easy for me to think about all the ways I'm not measuring up. Sometimes it smacks more than just a little bit if I think about all the ways that what I'm giving isn't good enough. But I'm giving God my heart and my life and I'm not trying to be someone else and see, that's all He wants anyways. My life, my talents, my trials, my joys, my heart - that's much more valuable to Jesus than a sacrificial lamb or a box filled with gold. Whew.

-2-

Of course I picked a Christmas carol because we are still in the octave of Christmas (eight days beginning with the 25th that are all celebrated by the Church with as much gusto as Christmas itself), which is within the 12 days of Christmas (the 26th - Jan 6th, aka Epiphany or the day the Magi brought the gifts).

Today is five golden rings.

-3-

I've never cared for the song "The 12 Days of Christmas."

-4-

All I wanted was a cute picture of my Christmas-best-wearin' kiddos in front of the tree. This was maybe as good as it got.

-5-

Hey, here's some really good news: I'm 20 weeks pregnant and I've only gained 4lbs. That's pretty daw-gone good for me. My total weight gain goal is 15-20lbs for the pregnancy and I'm thinking that if I can get through Christmas and only gain one pound and be pregnant, well I have a very good chance of meeting that goal.

-6-

Other really good news:

Today I mark 5 years of being married to the best man evah!

My husband is awesome and I love him so much. Yay us!

Also, December, after Christmas, is the best time to have a Catholic wedding. The Church is decorated beautifully and so you save all kinds of money. We plugged in the lights on the trees that were up, called it good, and received one compliment after another.

-7-

Special prayer request:

My friend Alicia is asking for prayers for a friend and the friend's babies.

Triplets Ryan, Norah, and Lucas were born at 24 weeks and are now in the NICU. Please pray for their health, their mom who is recovering, and all the people who love them and are very worried.

Thank you for praying!

Christmas Review #2 - cute things that happened

2011-12-28T15:35:00.000-06:00

Bennet walked around using Hershey Kiss filled candy canes as walking canes.

Lydia was given some toenail polish and decided to go right ahead and give herself a pedicure.

James had more fun carrying his gifts around than opening and playing with them.

Lydia and Bennet sang "Happy Birthday" to Jesus.

Bennet got in a box that was filled with wrapping paper and read himself a book.

Review of Christmas #1 - What I baked

2011-12-27T16:09:00.000-06:00

Perfect chocolate crinkles, they were my impossibly hard to shop for dad's Christmas present.

Homemade dinner rolls.

So grateful to Lisa for sharing the recipe with me. And YAY for breadmachines!

My first ever homemade cheesecake.

Me saying a prayer before it goes in the oven.

Well, okay, it was a staged picture but I did say a prayer.

Four hours later - perfect.

It was creamy. It was yummy. It was one of my life goals met.

Thanks to Jen for sharing this recipe with me.

And here's a picture of my really cute kids playing together. It has nothing to do with baking but everyone needs a good dose of cute in their lives.

A little Matisyahu for your Hanukkah

2011-12-21T13:41:00.000-06:00

It is true that this is a wierd video. Maybe if I was Jewish it would be funnier? Whatev's - I like the song!

Also, if you have never read First and Second Maccabees, in which the story of the miracle of Hanukkah is told, I strongly encourage you to do so. One of my favorite Old Testament heroes is found in II Maccabees 7, the mother of the seven sons who were all martyred.

A snippet: Most admirable and worthy of everlasting remembrance was the mother who, seeing her seven sons perish in a single day, bore it courageously because of her hope in the Lord. Filled with a noble spirit that stirred her womanly reason with manly emotion, she exhorted each of them in the language of their ancestors with these words: “I do not know how you came to be in my womb; it was not I who gave you breath and life, nor was it I who arranged the elements you are made of. Therefore, since it is the Creator of the universe who shaped the beginning of humankind and brought about the origin of everything, he, in his mercy, will give you back both breath and life, because you now disregard yourselves for the sake of his law.”

You can read the whole account by going here.

50's family Christmas

2011-12-18T17:10:00.001-06:00

These are my grandparents in the early 1950's. My mom's mom and dad.

I love the charlie brown christmas tree and my aunt's saddle shoes.

And look at the dress my grandma is wearing! I want one!

You should see her wedding dress. Satin, long sleeves, modest, classy, gorgeous.

I was named after my grandma, a fact that has always made me proud of my name despite the fact that it's not Jennifer, Sarah, or Rachel.

How can you not be proud of being named after such a beautiful woman?

7 quick takes - the picture edition

2011-12-16T08:56:00.001-06:00

My favorite version of this song!

-1-

This is what my kids look like when they see a train pass by our house.

Yes, I let her go out in public with her crown.

And we live on the Right side of the tracks!

-2-

Remember when we were interviewed for that documentary?

The director (with the grey scarf), camera man (obviously with the camera), and the sound guy came to the house and shot some photage of the kids playing.

I baked them chocolate chip cookies which meant they hung out even longer. So good tip - if a film crew is coming to your house have warm cookies waiting for them so you can chat them up.

They were wonderful, fascinating men and I hope I get to see them again.

-3-

Princess Lydia on the phone.

-4-

My slippers were falling apart. Then a kid puked on them and there was no saving them - into the garbage they went. I've been wearing Trav's Homer slippers, hoping that I'll get a new pair for Christams. These slippers are obnoxiously big and thin on the botton.

And I don't like having those four huge eyeballs looking up at me all the time.

-5-

Bennet, whom we sometimes refer to as a raccoon, was quietly dumping things down the register vents when I wasn't around.

When Trav went to the basement to clean out the vents he found

- 4 small puzzles - 2 sippy cups -8 beads -1 pair of panties -2 socks -1 toy baby bottle -1 watch -1 small watering can -1 teething ring -1 small plastic cup

-6-

We don't have a fireplace and I've run out of room on the bookshelf for the stockings. This year St. Nick filled our stockings that hung on the staircase.

Where do you hang your stockings if you don't have a fireplace?

-7-

Bennet is so cute!

-8-

So is James!

for Pete's sake

2011-12-15T07:52:00.001-06:00

I am so sorry that I haven't posted this in about three months. Things have been super, crazy busy but that's really no excuse since this is the one thing I am able to do to "parent" the child I lost! I am so sorry if I missed any of your intentions! Please know you are always on my heart.

You may share your prayer request in the comment box or by emailing me at bonnie engstrom at gmail dot com.

Comments may be anonymous and please feel free to share as much or as little as you like.

It is an honor to pray for you! Thank you for the privilege!

just a little something for today

2011-12-14T09:31:00.001-06:00

It's raining here. I wish it was snowing. But I'll just listen to She & Him sing The Christmas Waltz, drink myself a chai hot chocolate, turn off all the lights but those on the Christmas tree and pretend.

I love The Christmas Waltz. My mom has an old record of Christmas music and I think Dusty Springfield sings the song on it. I think the reason I'm so partial to this version of the song is because, not only does it look like an old LP, but it sounds like one too. And I mean that in the absolute best way.

Also, here's a great article from the Catholic Post about last Sunday's Cathedral Mass to close the investigative tribunal on James Fulton's alleged miracle.

Help Support Students for Life

2011-12-14T07:50:00.003-06:00

Students for Life is an impressive organization that was born at the University of Illinois by one of its students. Its goal is to build up the pro life culture on college campuses, educating students and equipping them to make a difference. They are passionate about doing this because they know that today's college student is tomorrow's doctor, politician, teacher, and voter.

They are a great organization.

Recently they have been given a Christmas challenge. If they can raise $37,500 a donor will give them $15,000.

Please consider donating to them. It's easy to do, just click on this link.

my thoughts on the alleged miracle

2011-12-12T13:49:00.001-06:00

Fifteen months ago my son was delivered a stillborn. It was the middle of the night and there were only a small group of people with me. Three of us present asked Fulton J. Sheen to pray with us and ask God for a miracle. Our wording was not quite so specific, but the Holy Spirit understands the groanings of the soul.

It wasn't until the emergency room staff was prepared to call time of death - 61 minutes after he had been born - that my son's heart began to beat. Medical staff did not think he would live because no one comes back to life after being dead for an hour and stays alive for long. No one thought he would live. And then he did. So the experts thought he would be severely disabled, and let me tell you exactly what that meant.

Diapers for the rest of his life.
Blindness.
A feeding tube because he would aspirate on any and all foods and liquids.
Unable to walk.
Unable to stand.
Unable to hold his head up.
Unable to open his hands and grasp items.
Unable to stretch out his arms.
Seizures.
Inability to speak or communicate in any way.

It's such a cold list, and one that is incomplete I'm sure. But now let me tell you what that list meant for us.

A different family dynamic than we had ever imagined.
My son not being able to see me smile or look with love and pride at him.
James not being able to eat his first birthday cake, Halloween candy, a perfect fall apple, my homemade pizza; or to have a refreshing drink of water, his first sip of beer, champagne at his wedding. No Holy Communion.
No dancing, hopping, jumping, running with his family and friends.
Probably no friends.
No getting down on one knee to propose to a girl or laying prostrate on a cathedral floor.
Not being able to turn to look at a sunset, a Christmas tree, a crucifix.
My son not being able to hold my hand.
My son not being able to wrap his arms around me and give me a hug.
Medications and doctor visits and therapists and stares and whispers and emergency room visits for the rest of his life.
Never getting to hear my son call me "Mommy" or tell me he loves me.

That list meant that I had to mourn a lifetime of moments that I assumed I'd get: first steps, first day of school, first communion, science projects, playdates with his friends, high school dances, graduation - the rest of his life as I had pictured it. My son was still alive but I was mourning the loss of the son I thought I was getting. The pain from all that was so great that I still cry about it.

So what to do when that list was taken away? The doctors cannot give good reason as to why he is alive and well. One of his NICU doctors has said, "The CPR must have been very, very good." But it wasn't. The oxygen bag wouldn't seal around his mouth and nose though different people tried various times. Attempts at intibation (putting an oxygen tube into the lungs) failed at least 3 times. The boy wasn't getting oxygen. No oxygen = no life. It's that simple.

Some have jokingly called James Fulton "The Boy Who Lived." I like that joke. What I don't appreciate are all the comments of hatred, ignorance, bigotry, stupidity, and/or arrogance that come in comment boxes related to James' story. How can people be so mean about a little boy who was dead and came back to life?

I know that James' story has brought joy to many, many people. I know James' story has affirmed the existence of God for some doubters. I know James' alleged miracle has brought hope and a renewed faith to many people.

I also know that for many his story is too hard to hear. Every day I hear of people begging for a miracle - a healing, a restoration, an answered prayer. Their grief - their lists - are just as cold and heavy as mine was. For some of these people James' story hardens their hearts and makes them angry at God and resentful towards us. I can understand and appreciate their feelings.

I think it's important that people know that this didn't happen to us because we prayed the right way, or had the perfect number of people praying. It didn't happen to us because our family is perfect. Neither is our marriage perfect. Neither are we perfect. I am high strung, quick to judge, and I can really cuss when I'm mad. I didn't deserve to be the mother of a "miracle baby".

Life is easier lived when viewed through the lens of "this is what I was given" instead of "this is what I deserve". During those 61 minutes, and then the first days, and then the 7 weeks of the NICU stay my life was harder when I cried out "Why?" and much more peaceful when I focused on God's will. Had I been living God's will to the best of my abilities in the time before the stillborn birth? Yes. Was I trying to live God's will to the best of my abilities in the time after the stillborn birth? Yes. That was all I needed to know. "His will is our peace."

Travis and I truly believe that Fulton Sheen was praying with us during those 61 minutes. We truly believe that saints are more alive than we on earth are and that their prayers are powerful because they are truly before the Lord. We believe that Fulton Sheen's intercession was integral to what happened next. We believe that God wanted James and Sheen to be connected in this way and, if it be God's will, we hope that this alleged miracle will be declared an official miracle and Sheen will be beatified because of it. We believe all of this is for God's greater glory and it is an honor and privilege to be a part of it.

All of this has come out because of recent media coverage, such as the Peoria Journal Star and because of the closing of the tribunal that investigated whether or not James was miraculously healed. There is still a long process ahead - translating the documents into Italian, having European medical experts look over the case, having theologians look at the case, etc. If it is declared a miracle I'm sure more ugliness will be spouted. Travis and I want to promote Sheen's name and good works, God's saving power, and the amazing story of our son. But today I just had to vent a little bit.

Fancy Behold Button

2011-12-10T20:43:00.001-06:00

No need to be jealous. You can have a Behold button for your blog, too!

Let everyone know that you are so cool you'll be hanging out with Kate Wicker, the Sisters of Life, Marie Miller, and Ginny Baldridge for the day. Oh yeah, and in case you want some more names to drop, how about Jennifer Fulwiler, Hallie Lord, and Sr. Helena Burns.

Then encourage your mom, sisters, cousins, friends, daughters, and grandmothers to register too. And make sure you do it by December 15th if you want to save $15 and be signed up to win a free registration!

All you've got to do is copy the text. http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-J-hnMUfYrSs/TuQVlhPUNPI/AAAAAAAAClc/8DyuGtgIz8o/s350/Behold.jpg
Then, in the Layout page of Blogger click "Add a Gadget". Choose "Picture", select "From the Web", paste the text in the box, and Save.

7 quick takes

2011-12-08T22:09:00.001-06:00

1 - This is probably my all time favorite Christmas carol. The language is so powerful - long lay the world in sin and error pining... a thrill of hope... fall on your knees. I love this rendition of it by Tracy Chapman; I think it's her humming. The way she sings it reminds me of something I would sing to my babies as I rock them to sleep on a winter's night. It's so soft and approachable but the power and beauty are still present. Lovely.

2 - My favorite Sunday of Advent is coming up. Gaudete Sunday is the third Sunday of Advent and after two weeks of repenting and longing for our King we Rejoice because we know He is near. My yet to be typed Ignitum Today post will be about this very thing. But what a wonderful thing to ponder throughout our day - our God promised to save us and He keeps His promises!

3 - If you live in Central Illinois then I cordially invite you to come to the Cathedral in downtown Peoria for the 10:30am Mass. The tribunal investigating James' alleged miraculous healing will be closed. All the testimony, records, and other documents will be sealed up and sent to Rome. I have no idea how cool it'll be but it'll probably be really cool.

4 - I give you two reasons that you *should* come. #1 You prayed for this alleged miracle to happen. You are a part of all this! This is your story, too! #2 This may be your only opportunity in your lifetime to see how the Church does these things. I have learned so much already in the process and been really impressed with the detail, truthfulness, and integrety of the process. Plus, the mini liturgy that happens around these things is so beautiful and medieval feeling. And I mean that in the best possible way.

5 - This morning there was a dusting of snow on the ground. Pretty and promising for a person who likes snow. The best part was the kids looking out each window and shouting about the snow. The wonder and joy of a child...

6 - In case you have not yet seen the Catholic Throwdown between Jack White and Stephen Colbert you should really, really go watch it. Be warned there is super strong language and little or sensitive ears should not listen. Despite the language, what I love about the clip is that both men clearly respect and love the faith they were raised in and have a lot of pride in being Catholic. It's also nice to see people in the media enjoying their faith. Here's the Colbert Nation Catholic Throwdown link.

7 - If you're in need of some new Christmas music I highly suggest the Indie Christmas Pandora station. Hat tip to Rachel for that one!

The Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception

2011-12-08T15:15:00.001-06:00

I'm not a theologian but I do want to offer a few thoughts on this beautiful feast day and I'm going to try to write for those who may not have a deep understanding of the Catholic faith.

First, it's a solemnity which is like a high holy day. A holy day would be something like the Feast of St. Nicholas which we celebrated on Tuesday. It's special, it commemorates something, but it does not have the importance that a solemnity would. A high holy day - a solemnity - is extra special, commemorating something that is intricately tied to our salvation.

The Immaculate Conception refers to when Jesus' mom, Mary, was conceived in the womb of her mother, St. Anne. (You may have confused it with the Annunciation - when Mary said Yes and conceived Jesus by the power of the Holy Spirit.) Things between Anne and her husband, Joachim, were ordinary but the salvific grace of God spared Mary the stain of original sin.

So Mary was saved by Jesus' act of dying on the cross, just preemptively. (God being outside of time, remember.)

We believe this NOT because it makes Mary so super awesome but because of what it means about Jesus Christ Himself.

Along with calling Mary the Immaculata, we Catholics also call her the New Ark of the Covenant. The Ark of the Covenant of the Old Testament was beautifully crafted and completely pure, all according to the instructions of God. It was so pure and precious that no one could touch it except a high priest of God, hence the poles to carry it. That's why when the Nazi's got ahold of it their faces melted off. Okay, that didn't happen, but one man did touch it and was struck dead.

But the Ark wasn't special because it was an ark. Just like Mary's not special because she's Mary. It was special (she was special) because of what (Who) was inside.

The Ark carried in it Manna from Heaven, the Ten Commandments, and the priestly staff of Aaron.

Mary, the New Ark of the Covenant, carried within herself the Bread of Life, the Word of God, and the Great High Priest - Jesus.

We Christians understand that Jesus is the fulfillment of Old Testament prophecies and promises. Things that were hinted at in the Old Testament (like the manna that sustained the Jews) are revealed in the New Testament (read John 6 to hear Christ say that HE is the Bread of Life come down from Heaven and that we must eat His flesh and drink His blood to have life within us).

So when we say Mary is the Immaculata what we're really saying is that Jesus Christ is so super awesome that He deserves the best.

Why I want a landline in our home

2011-12-07T15:36:00.001-06:00

My brother, who works for a telephone company has said repeatedly that it is far safer to have a landline than a cell phone in case of an emergency. As the mother of toddlers I have listened to his words and so, when many people are getting rid of their landlines and opting to only have cell phones, we resently installed one in our house.

Some quick facts:
- A landline can tell the dispatchers *exactly* where you're calling from.
- A cell phone can only give a general proximity for where you're calling from.
- The above is true even if you have GPS on your phone.
- Adults misunderstand even me when I tell them where I live. If Lydia had to give someone our address (which she sorta kinda can) they might not get here.
- We've had to call 911 twice in the past three years.

Don't believe me about the pros of a landline and the cons of a cell phone. Watch this news clip.

chocolate loving tricky girl of mine

2011-12-06T16:54:00.001-06:00

Happy Feast of St. Nicholas!

This morning my family found that St. Nicholas had visited our house last night. (He comes for his feast day, not on Christmas Eve. It's a special arrangement we have with him.) In our stockings my kids found new winter pajamas, markers, and golden chocolate coins.

The kids have had a lot of feasting today - lots of chocolate - and I just let them each have two more coins to hold them over until after supper.

Upon finishing hers, Lydia asked me if she could play church.

"Of course, sweetie! That's a good idea!" I was so proud.

"Well, can I have another chocolate coin to be Jesus Christ?"

No, sweetie, you cannot. Though that is very, very clever, you cannot.

let's be mean about santa claus

2011-12-03T16:53:00.001-06:00

Maybe this wasn't nice of me...

If you haven't read the Dear Santa post at Ignitum Today, please do, but make sure you also read the comments.

I call someone a bully. Maybe I'm a little out of line. But I think he's moreso.

You don't have to comment there- especially if you're on my side since I don't want it to look like I'm having my thugs gang up on him, but you could comment here and let me know if I was a bit of a jerk.

When I'm pregnant I'm more likely to be a jerk.

Like, for example, when I'm pregnant I'm more likely to sing the following song in my head when I think of / interact with / hear of a woman I don't like:

Well, I won't put it here, but it's about Kyle's mom, and how she's a *itch.

7 quick takes

2011-12-02T08:38:00.001-06:00

1 - Good music. This is probably one of my favorite carols. Do you know it?

2 - Did you know that you can win a free registration to the Behold Conference? Dude, you can! Anyone who registers before the early registration deadline of December 15th is eligible! So go to the Behold blog and find out the info and then register, already! We've already gotten a ton of registrations

3 - I slightly rewrote my Open Letter to Santa Claus post (you can click on it at right) for my Ignitum Today post of the week. It's called Dear Santa.

4 - Didn't you hear? Virtuous Planet is no more and the revamped website is Ignitum Today. I need to update my blog a bit, but for now the links will still take you where you want to go.

5 - I like to ask Lydia if she thinks I look good once I get dressed in the mornings. Usually she will emphatically say, "Oh Mommy, you look beautiful!" But yesterday she walked into my room as I stepped out of my closet. "oooooh" she said with a little bit of concern in her voice. "How do I look, Lydia?" "Ooooh, Mommy, not very good. I'm not sure if that matches." I wore it anyways.

6 - My kids are crying.

7 - What are you gonna do to celebrate St. Nicholas' feast day on Tuesday?

so good

2011-11-27T20:44:00.001-06:00

For the above, you are welcome.

First Sunday of Advent, people! Happy New Year! (liturgically speaking, of course) We got the lights on our porch, stockings hung (on the staircase - no mantel here!), Jesse Tree ready to go - all that jazz.

I still don't feel ready, though. I'm so lazy and tired and I have so many dishes to do. There's always dishes to do. And laundry. I suck at laundry.

Also, didn't you *love* the new translation at Mass? So, so beautiful!

Let me tell you something, people, it is AWESOME being Catholic! You should convert! Ask me how - we can do this.

7 quick takes

2011-11-25T08:21:00.001-06:00

#1 - I'm a new soul in this strange place...

#2 - So if you were reading this blog all week you probably noticed I'm having cravings and I mentioned something about rumors. And then there was the OK Go song, Here It Goes Again.

#3 - I'm pretty sure that song is about something very different than a married woman having another baby with her loving husband but the words of the chorus are just so perfect! "Just when you think you're in control, Just when you think you've got a hold, Just when you get on a roll, Here it goes, here it goes, here it goes again. Oh here it goes again!

#4 - So, yes, I am pregnant!

#5 - 15 weeks (4 months) with a due date of May 16th. I think I'm having a girl. So does Lydia, and my friend Katie, and my mom, and Travis, and my mother-in-law. I hope we're all right.

#6 - I have spoken with my homebirth midwife and had an appointment with a midwife at an ob-gyn's office. I'm still not 100% sure where we will birth this time around but, just like with all my births, I have been praying and thinking about what is best as I try to learn where God wants me to be. We have already gotten some pressure to be in a hospital but I don't want to make any decisions based on peer pressure, other people's fears, or out of spite. Please pray for us as we continue to discern this decision.

#7 - But more than anything please share in our joy! Travis and I felt that God was calling us to trust Him and have this baby and we are very excited about our fifth child!

The Sisters are Coming!

2011-11-23T09:49:00.001-06:00

We recently got word that the Sisters of Life have accepted our invitation and will be returning to the Behold Conference!

They will be joining us on Saturday, March 10, 2012 and so should you!

The Sisters will be joining our already stellar line-up of

- Kate Wicker, author of Weightless, contributor to Faith & Family magazine, and blogger

- Ginny Baldridge, image consultant and author

- Marie Miller, musician

- Hallie Lord, owner of Bloom Personal Shopping and blogger

- Jennifer Fulwiler, author, speaker, and blogger

- Sr. Helena Burns, Daughter of St. Paul, speaker, and blogger on Theology of the Body and media

I'll be there! My mom will be there! My kids' godmothers will be there! You should be there, too!

Online registration for the Behold Conference is open, you can print off a paper registration form at the same link if you'd prefer to send a check. If you register before Decebmer 15th you can save money - a good reason to register early. Scholarships are available for those in need, including poor high school and college students!

haven't heard this one in awhile

2011-11-23T06:00:00.000-06:00

Isn't this the most awesome video ever? It makes me want to buy 8 treadmills and invite 3 of my silliest friends over for a long afternoon.

Dreams, people. This is all about dreams.

I'd probably twist my knee.

I heard from a little bird

2011-11-22T19:08:00.001-06:00

A small rumor...

That I'm on Twitter. You can follow me by clicking on the Twitter image on the Right. Not much tweeting happening right now but I'm gonna try to step it up a bit.

Did you hear another rumor?

King vs. Twilight

2011-11-22T08:20:00.001-06:00

“Harry Potter is about confronting fears, finding inner strength and doing what is right in the face of adversity. Twilight is about how important it is to have a boyfriend.” - Stephen King

Thank you, Katie at NFP and Me, for sharing the quote. I've never read the Twilight books and intend to die not having done so. Does that sound mean?

a secret

2011-11-22T06:58:00.001-06:00

I have a smallish secret to tell. I do not love chocolate. I like it and frequently enjoy it, but I do not love it. Culturally speaking this makes me feel like less of a woman.

But I do LOVE candy! Skittles, Smarties, Nerds, SweeTarts, Twizzlers, Dots, Starbursts, BOTTLECAPS! If Wonka makes it then I probably like it.

Lately all I want to do is eat these fruity sweets. It's the bad news bears for my diet.

Am I the only person out there who prefers kid candy to the more sophisticated chocolate? I'm okay being alone on this one, but I'm just wondering.

For Alisha

2011-11-19T13:21:00.001-06:00

I didn't have time to find a song for yesterday's Quick Takes. Alisha told me she missed the music so I'm posting this here; you can listen to it while you read or while you bake chocolate chip cookies for a film crew that's coming to your house, which is what I'm supposed to be doing.

Enjoy!

7 quick takes

2011-11-18T20:49:00.001-06:00

1 - New post finally up at VirtuousPlanet: Learning to be Catholic.

2 - Today in the car the new Jessie J song came on the radio. I had no idea what it was like so I was a little worried when, clearly and loudly, the first words out of her mouth were, "I'm sexy and free." I hoped Lydia wasn't paying attention but she was. "She's just like me, Mommy! I'm sexy and free, too!" Perfect example of why family friendly radio is so important - and why I should listen to it more!

3 - Last night I hosted a Thirty-One product party for my friend Jamie. She's a new consultant and it was her first party. It was a lot of fun - wine, brownies, and lots of fun, kind women. Too bad you don't live closer - you could have come!

4 - If you want to buy a purse, tote, or storage bin please check out Jamie's Thirty-One consultant page!

5 - A HUGE CONGRATULATIONS to my good friends Mia and Nick! Today their first child, Clark Joseph, was born! I'm so happy for them!

6 - Do you know the blog Girl with Curves? It's wonderful and inspiring! Love it!

7 - Please pray for Travis and I tomorrow morning - we will be doing a filmed interview for a Canadian documentary on how science and religion meet when the Catholic Church looks into alleged miracles as a part of the canonization process.

stop complaining, Bonnie

2011-11-17T06:54:00.001-06:00

Recently I overheard someone complain about something and I was hit by a strong realization: When people complain they often sound ungrateful, which means that when I complain I often sound ungrateful. (You're probably amazed by my tardiness in making this realization.) Since that moment I have spent a lot of time mulling over complaining - especially when it comes to doing so in a Facebook status.

Now, I do think that some things are okay to complain about. Your kid just puked on you, you lost some money, you were up all night and now you're exhausted, someone didn't treat you well. So to say, "Urgh... my kid just puked one me!" well, I can understand that. Sometimes we're not really complaining, really we're just looking for some empathy and I don't think there's anything wrong with that, either. It's more of a one time comment than anything.

Much different though is the person who, say, just got a really nice job - good salary, benefits, working for a good company - and yet they complain on almost a weekly basis about some aspecct of that job. "What are you complaining for? You have a great job!" I want to yell at them, and sometimes yell at the computer.

BUT, I have noticed that the people who complain the least are the ones whose feeds I don't hide. So this person, instead of saying, "This is going to be a horrible day - I've been up all night!*" might say, "Both kids are up before 6:30 and I could have slept til noon**!"or something else that is lighthearted.

Even better are the people who don't complain at all. I am trying to make this change in my life, starting first on Facebook and this blog. It is possible for me to convey a point about how frustrated/angry/hurt I am and not complain. It is even possible to be lighthearted about such events.

All of this sounds kinda hard to me - which isn't a complaint, just a statement - but I think I can do it! I'm gonna do it!

Cheerfulness is often a cloak which hides a life of sacrifice, continual union with God, fervor and generosity. A person who has this fight of cheerfulness very often reaches a great height of perfection. Mother Teresa

A related and better written article by Jennifer Fulwiler on how we over-value our opinions.

*I'm pretty sure that's an actual former Facebook status of mine.
**This is an actual Facebook status from high school friend, Megan.

Exciting News!

2011-11-16T15:24:00.001-06:00

Online Registration is now open for the Behold Conference!

We are so excited about this coming March 10, 2012 and all the wonderful women who will be joining us: Kate Wicker, Ginny Baldridge, Marie Miller, Jennifer Fulwiler, Hallie Lord, and Sister Helena Burns!

With Mass, Confession, Adoration, delicious food, and a beautiful setting - this is going to be an amazing day!

Register as soon as possible! Space is limited and you don't want to miss this "spiritual spa day". Also, if you register before December 15th you will save money!

Go register for the Behold Conference right now!

a little update

2011-11-15T21:14:00.001-06:00

This is an update wrapped in a prayer request. On Saturday Travis and I will be interviewed and filmed for a documentary looking into the meeting of the Catholic faith and the science used to prove a miracle. We will be doing this with the blessing and help of the Sheen Foundation. The woman I've been working with is really wonderful but I'm still a little nervous about being filmed. Also, this will be our first interview by noncatholics with a target audience that isn't necessarily Catholic.

Please pray that Travis and I answer the questions intelligently, clearly, and always in ways that will glorify God. Please also pray for the crew, who is Canadian, and for safe travels and open hearts.

Thanks, friends.

7 quick takes

2011-11-10T22:03:00.001-06:00

1 -
3
Okay, so I love this song, but after watching this version of it I want to follow my dream of learning to play the accordian and write the percussionist a fan letter.

2 - I actually don't have a dream of playing the accordian but the other day I was thinking about how it'd be cool if I could.

3 - Last night I had my consultation with Bloom Personal Shopping's Hallie Lord. It was a wonderful experience! Hallie gave me all kinds of tips on what I can wear as stay at home, overweight mom. A lot of her suggestions for me were reasonably priced (though for me that still requires saving money or waiting until after Christmas) and I'm excited to get things to smooth out my spillage, hide my flaws, and play up my own personal style.

4- In fact when I woke up this morning I had this great feeling of empowerment. It felt a little like, "watch out I'm gonna look smokin' today!" That feeling diminished though, when I remembered I still had my old wardrobe. Boo.

5 - My new post at Virtuous Planet is up. Travis suggested I write something light hearted so I did a list of songs Lydia and I both love. You can check it out here: Music to Make You Happy.

6 - The only thing that frustrates me each week as I work on my VP post is that they want at least one picture in each post. I spend stupid amounts of time looking for a good picture and then just settling for something that's good enough. I understand why they want a picture but for whatever reason any time I try to upload one of my personal ones it says the file is too big. I'm not tech savy enough to figure that one out so I'm left searching the creative commons on flickr. If you know Wordpress and can help me out (and you live close by) I'll bake you cookies and deliver them to your door.

7 - I finished Lost. There is now a void in my life. When I come to terms with things I will write a post that will be a major spoiler.

My motto for the rest of November

2011-11-10T15:17:00.001-06:00

Many thanks, Rachel Balducci!

What I should have said

2011-11-08T15:50:00.000-06:00

Yesterday the kids and I went to the bank. James was strapped in the double stroller and slightly fussy. Bennet, who was supposed to be strapped in the double stroller, was walking around it in his stocking feet. Lydia, who was supposed to be standing sweetly next to the stroller, was following Bennet.

If we had been at Mass we would have been in the hall. But we were at the bank and the teller had made a mistake so it was taking longer and the kids were a little noisy but not that bad. I mean, sometimes babies fuss and there's nothing wrong with little kids playing and laughing.

But the grumpy old man the next station over must have thought they were more than a handful and he told his teller, "I'm glad they're not my kids."

I looked at his teller, who looked at me. She clearly felt awkward. I didn't say anything, though I decided that if we left at the same time I'd let him know I had heard what he said and that I found it offensive. I don't think he was intending to be mean - I think he was essentially saying the same thing that everyone is saying when they comment, "Your hands are full!" Unfortunately for him he just sounded more rude.

But what I wish I would have done is said, clearly and just as loudly as he had, "Sir, I am glad they're not yours, too. I wouldn't give such joy to one who cannot appreciate its value."

BOO-YAH!

what to do on a Monday night

2011-11-07T21:29:00.002-06:00

Travis is on a bromance man date with his best friend, at a bar watching the Bears game.

The kids are asleep (finally! nap time was horrible today!) and my headache has finally gone away (maybe it was all the water I drank?).

So now I can finally post a picture of my kids on Halloween.

A knight, a princess, and a lion. roar!

Wow those kids are cute! How 'bout we look at some more pictures of them?

I caught Lydia "reading" the Bible. She was actually saying the words to the Guardian Angel prayer. (Do you know that prayer? So good: Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom God's love commits me here. Ever this day be at my side to light, to rule, to guard, to guide. It's a great prayer to start the day, at bedtime, when you've got the heebie jeebies, or when you're about to blow your top.)

Also, Lydia's been practically living in her Rapunzel dress since mid October. She's so cute.

James, greeting me at the door. Did you know he's walking now? He's walking now.

Bennet, super happy about his gigantic, warm from the oven, made from scratch chocolate chip cookie.

Do you remember awhile ago when I was on a serious hunt for the. best. chocolate. chip. cookie. recipe. EVAH!? I found it. That's what one looks like.

It is possible that Bennet may not be wearing pants or a diaper in this picture.

This was gearing-up-for-quiet-time time. (Yes, I know it's lame that I do that but sometimes it's needed.) Put on a PBS Kids show from Netflix to occupy L and B while I lay James down and then send the other two upstairs.

Notice how spread out Lydia is? I had just painted her toenails and fingernails and she's letting them dry.

Need something a little different to read? My dear, dear friend, Crafty Katie, has started a blog to chronicle her year on sabatical. She turned down a teaching position and is living off savings and a small income from working as DRE at her church. Already her blog is great. God check it out:

Look to Him and Be Radiant

Lastly, if you don't like country music or you didn't got to MTHS don't click on the following link. But if you do like country, went to my high school, or want to see my high school crush is up to these days then check out Jake Maurer.

I had a serious, mad crush on that man some 12 years ago. Whew! It's almost embarrassing to think about it now.

The crazy thing is that last night I spent the first half of my sleeping dreaming about Jacob and the Black Smoke Monster (does he have a name? I never caught it.) And the second half of the night I was dreaming that I was back in high school, dating Jake. So it was interesting when I saw the link to his updated website on Facebook today.

And I know what you're thinking. But I was not stalking him - I saw it in my newsfeed.

Good night!

Gotta get this book

2011-11-03T13:57:00.000-06:00

I am so excited about this book's release, which isn't until the new year but I'm gonna talk about it now!

The fabulous Hallie Lord - who is coming to the Behold Conference this year! - is the mastermind behind it. And she was brilliant enough to pull together some of the best and brightest to contribute to the book.

Simcha Fisher, Jennifer Fulwiler, Betty Duffy, Danielle Bean, Rachel Balducci... the list goes on!

Also, just a fun fact for ya - when you get the book and read the introduction, please know that the way Hallie intros all her contributors was based on a suggestion I made to her. Of course holier women suggested that she use such and such an antedote from such and such a saint, but I reminded her of the book release party scene in Bridget Jones' Diary. And that's what made the cut. Yes, some remember beautiful stories of hospitality and charity, I remember Bridget standing at a microphone saying, "Mr. Titspervert."

Anyways, go and preorder Hallie Lord's Style, Sex, & Substance! You won't regret it, I'm sure!

And a huge congratulations to Hallie for this amazing accomplishment!

Serious.

2011-11-02T12:29:00.002-06:00

That's what I am, people. I'm serious. Serious about Lost.

I have become a lame version of the person I once was because I am so consumed by this show. And I was pretty far from cool in the first place so this is bad news.

Take, for example, the following song.

I've been listening to it on a regular basis ever since the episode where Hurley gets the Dharma van filled with beer and Roger's corpse started. Do you even remember that episode? Or this song? Someone please say YES!

I'm in Season 6. And let me tell you when it's over I'm going to be sad. Maybe I will drown my sorrows in beer. Probably not.

And here's my other problem: I cannot watch Dexter. I tried watching it before at the encouragement of others and realized that the American public and many of my close friends are sick, twisted, dark people.

Let me leave you with one last piece of Lost loveliness. A quote from the episode I watched today during nap time / picking up the kitchen.

Miles to Linus:
Why would I need your money when there are a couple of jabonies under there named Nikki and Paulo who got buried alive with $8 million in diamonds on top of them.

Happy All Saints Day!

2011-11-01T07:14:00.001-06:00

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T06:31:00.001-06:00

Wishing you zombie-free trick-or-treating!

7 quick takes

2011-10-28T16:07:00.000-05:00

1- I know that They Might Be Giants is not everyone's cup of tea. But an accordian + clever lyrics = my cup of tea.

2 - The reason Birdhouse in Your Soul is in my head is because of my latest post at Virtuous Planet, Virgin Mary Nitelite. I pretty much always associate nitelites with TMBG's song. I'm sure I'm not the only one! Also, if you need a good reason to read the post you may be interested in how I pretty much call a bunch of people snobs. I hope no one takes it personally.

3 - Hey! Exciting new! Kate Wicker is coming to the Behold Conference as one of our keynote speakers! I was able to speak with her on the phone today and she was just wonderful. (Of course all three of my kids woke up from their naps during the conversation, and while I was trying to speak with her and sound intelligent I was holding James and trying to keep him quiet and happy. But she's gracious enough to overlook that.) Anyways, it's going to be a fabulous conference and I hope you can join us on Saturday, March 10, 2012 at the East Peoria Embassy Suites.

4 - Tomorrow morning we have family pictures with Travis' siblings and parents. It'll be really nice having a new family pic since we haven't had any since Lydia was a baby. I also look forward to some really cute pics of the kids. I'm not too thrilled about having my fat self photographed, but maybe I can stand behind Trav or always hold James. Maybe.

5 - I am half way through the 5th season of Lost. I am taking suggestions for a new show to watch.

6 - I have a daughter who wants to be held. I need to go.

7 - Have a good weekend, everyone! God's blessing be upon you!

puny hubby

2011-10-27T08:40:00.001-05:00

Travis: We need a new lawnmower.

Me: Why? What's wrong with our old one?

Travis: It just doesn't cut it anymore.

Me: bwahahahahaha!

Travis: Why are you laughing?

Lydia's First Holy Communion

2011-10-26T09:00:00.001-05:00

"Can I have a little white cookie?" Lydia has asked this question frequently. We have explained that she needs to have a better understanding of what that little white host is - Who it is - before she can have one for the first time. We explained that she needed to better understand her faith before she could have her first holy communion.

Cut to the other day we were driving past a Catholic church and, like we usually do, we crossed ourselves and said, "Praise to You, Lord Jesus Christ!"

"Why do we say that, Mommy?" my bright little 3 year old asked.

I explained what it means to praise someone, and why we call Jesus 'Lord' and 'Christ.'

"Now that I know that can I have the Eucharist?" It seemed she thought her formation was complete.

I asked why she wanted the Eucharist. "So I can be like you and Daddy." Not a bad answer but not the best so I dug a little deeper asking how she wants to be like us.  If she said she wanted to love Jesus like we do or grow in holiness or be a good Catholic then I would have considered talking to the priest.

Instead she said, "I want to be able to pour my own cereal."

Nope. Not ready for Holy Communion.

I want to instill in my kids a deep love of God. I want them to understand and appreciate the salvation He gained for them, the Sonship He has given them, and the Love He continually pours out to them. I want them to know Scripture and believe that when Jesus says, "This is my body," he means it. I want them to honor and worship that Body. They Body which saved them. I want them to know that "unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man you have no life within you" and I want them to have eternal life.

The Eucharist is a big deal to me. I want It to be a big deal to them, too.

So you can probably imagine how upset I was when I found out that Lydia had her first communion on Sunday.

The story goes like this: Attending Mass with my parents, Lydia got into the communion line with her arms crossed.  With my mom right behind her she got a blessing from the person distributing the Sacred Host. She then walked over to the person with the cup. Our parish rarely distributes from the cup so I'm not sure Lydia even knew what was happening. My mom, thinking Lydia would receive a blessing, let her go.  The man leaned down to her, my 3 year old daughter with her arms across her chest - the universal signal of "I can't receive - give me a blessing", and he said,

"Do you want a sip?"

Whaaaaat?!!!?  This man is either poorly catechized, poorly trained, or both. It's probably both. The lack of reverence for our Eucharistic Lord is shocking and sad. I'm upset that the man disreguarded her size and crossed arms - he should have known that she was too young to have communion.

So I called the church where it happened so they retrain the extraordinary ministers or something. I also called my pastor, which I'm really glad I did. He told me not to get really upset. He merciful towards the man who had messed up (a good example for me) and he explained that while Lydia had partaken in the Body, Blood, Soul, and Divinity of Christ, and it had chronologically been her first communion it was not her First Holy Communion. Father R. explained that since the intention of the priest and Lydia was not for it to be her First Holy Communion it didn't, in some ways, count. I should have realized that since intentions do count.

I'm still upset though.

7 quick takes

2011-10-21T10:00:00.002-05:00

1. Happy listening!

2. The song I was going to use this week was Wir Sind Heldon's Gekommen um zu bleiben but I wasn't able to embed the video. If you are in the mood for some good German pop music, click on the link. It's a cute video, too. Oh, and I have no idea what the song is about, but give me credit for knowing that "wir sind heldon" means "we are heroes."

3. My latest post at Virtuous Planet is about things I'd tell myself if I could go back to when I was engaged. A quote: Travis thinks it’s hilarious to catch crickets and put them on floating pieces of toilet paper so they’re waiting for you when you need to go to the bathroom. Watch out.
Go read the post and leave a comment sharing what you would tell yourself - or me! - if you could go back in time.

4. Another post at VP had this line in it: My only concern was how to hold on to my opinion of the war and still be a good Catholic. That floored me and made me wonder how often I do the same thing. I'm a pretty proud, stubborn person and so I hate being wrong. I'm sure there's all kinds of situations where I find a loophole or excuse so I can maintain my views and still consider myself a good person, Catholic, leader, mom, wife, whatever. If you want to read the whole post, go here.

5. In other news: James has taken his first steps! 13 months old and the little boy is on his way to walking! He has also started waving. I know that most babies do that much earlier but I'm the kind of mom who is unaware of milestones so when I was asked at his 12 month check ups if he could wave I thought to myself, "I guess I should work on that with him." Oops!

6. I've been grumpy lately. We could even say bitchy. Travis and my friend Tonya would both nod their head in agreement. So would my kids. Not that they know what "bitchy" means, but Lydia keeps yelling at me that I need to 'get happy!' Maybe if we all slept through the night and didn't wake up until 9am I could work on it.

7. In a nearby town there is an old mental institution; supposedly it is haunted and super creepy. They are having a haunted house there through the end of the month. None of this would bother me except that a relative of mine lived there for awhile, back in the day when nursing homes were only for the very rich and she need constant care. I can't tell if I'm over-reacting, but I don't like people going there, trying to find a ghost. Sad things happened there and, from what I've read, people's dignity wasn't always respected. I'm sure there are some not holy things going on there though I don't believe my relative is haunting the place. But I'm still disapproving of people trying to get a cheap thrill at the expense of the people who lived there.

What do you think? Am I over-reacting?

making peace with attachment parenting

2011-10-18T17:20:00.000-05:00

Before I was a mom I was pretty confident that I would be an ap (attachment parenting) mom. My babies would be in slings, I wouldn't have a nap schedule, we'd probably co-sleep, and I'd do "time-ins" instead of "time outs." All of this builds confidence in children and promotes "peaceful parenting", as ap-ers would explain.

And then I gave birth.

I quickly learned that my kid did not like slings, wraps, or anything else carrying her that wasn't my two arms. I also learned that if I didn't schedule my day - including time for a nap - and have everything at roughly the same time every day my kid would not thrive and I would fall apart. It didn't take long to realize I did not sleep well with my baby in bed with me. In fact, I don't sleep well with my babies in the same room as me! And when I am mad at my child the last thing I want is for anyone to talk to me or touch me. A time out is beneficial for me, probably more so than my kids.

What I learned is that I don't like a lot of physical touch, something that ap seemed to be pretty big on.

I did not see any of this coming.

For awhile I tried to fight myself, convinced that what the attachment parents were saying was true: my children would be stupid, hoarding, serial killers if I didn't wear them in slings, co-sleep, homeschool, never force a nap time, never let them cry for more than 2 minutes.

Of course those weren't their exact words but the tone and body language of most ap moms I knew made me feel like a horrible excuse for a parent and a complete failure of a mother because what worked for them and what nature clearly intends for children to need in order to thrive didn't work for me.

See what I mean? That language, "what nature clearly intends for children to need in order to thrive;" was some exact words - or variations of - and so of course the ap movement made me feel like crap! I was very, very hurt. I was struggling in my role of motherhood and I was especially troubled because I thought it would be so easy. Yet the very way I was told to parent - the way I was told Nature (and therefore GOD) wanted us to parent - was not how I wanted to parent. It wasn't working for me. I became angry and resentful towards a lot of those women, especially when they'd post a link to some study on Facebook, citing how moms who let their kids cry for more than 5 minutes are raising damaged monsters.

Honestly, I think I got hit harder with all of this because I'm part of two groups (natural-family-planning-practicing Catholics and home birthers) that are a lot more ap then other groups I've encountered, in part because of the big emphasis on breastfeeding.

Trying to do "peaceful parenting" made me exhausted and worn thin. So much so that when things didn't go well I would scream my head off, punch the walls, and curse at my kids. When I tried explaining this to ap-ers I was told to do a "time-in" with my kids, hugging them instead of sending them to time out. They didn't seem to get it. And my life, home, and parenting was anything but peaceful.

It took me awhile, but I finally figured out what I need to do to parent my kids successfully. We have a schedule. Quiet time/nap time happens at about the same time every day. I will keep my kids up a little bit longer so all three nap at the same time because I need quiet time, too. I nurse my kids in a chair in the middle of the night - not in bed. I introduce a bottle fairly early so I can go out and be by myself.

I'm sure to some I sound like a horrible, monster of a mother. But I really need to not touch my kids all day long. I really need a good hour break in the middle of the day when no one talks to me, hugs me, kisses me, sits on my lap or comes close. Having these breaks allows me to give plenty of physical affection to my children during the rest of the day. Maybe it's the introvert in me coming out; whatever it is, it's the way I need it to be.

I am a better mom for it. Those breaks are my sanity. Seriously.

In the end it was figuring out what "peaceful parenting" looked like in my home that made me let go of a lot of the hurt I felt towards the attachment parenting people I know. I also started telling them how their language made me feel belittled and unfairly judged. I started discussing with them my experiences in parenting. And suddenly they started apologizing, empathizing, and explaining things in less polarizing ways.

Of course there may have been a few fights I picked on Facebook along the way, but I'm pretty embarrassed about those now that my anger is gone. If you were on the receiving end of my pettiness, I'm sorry!

I do not consider myself a "peaceful parent" - not in the way the attachment parenting movement would explain it. But I would consider myself a good mom, and so would m thriving, happy, healthy kids. And that's what matters.

crazy Bonnie

2011-10-14T09:38:00.003-05:00

My new post at Virtuous Planet is like one from the good ole days. It's a "I'm a crazy, stressed-out mom" post!

So if you need to feel some company, check it out!

a couple things I've loved recently

2011-10-10T16:42:00.001-05:00

Happy Columbus Day! Over the weekend I came across a few things which I thought were worth sharing. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!

First, Jen has a great article over at the National Catholic Register blog on aprons. I have two aprons and I LOVE them. Both were gifts and are wonderful. Lydia actually has a couple of aprons and together, decked in our apron of the day, we cook, bake, clean, and look cute. Go check the article out!

Second,

I love this song! I have no idea what it's about, but make it part of your soundtrack for the week.

Third, this article about how annoying it is when people use two spaces after a period is annoying. (Please note that I used two spaces just now.) But the comments are awesome.

They are, of course, awesome only because I agree with them, and if I didn't I'd think the article is awesome and the comments annoying. But I don't care. Being a snob about how many times people hit the space bar at the end of a sentence makes you pretty ridiculous. If you're gonna be a snob about something at least pick something respectable, like wine or cheese or literature. ;)

7 quick takes

2011-10-07T10:51:00.001-05:00

--- 1 ---

I'm on Season 4 of Lost. I am additcted to this show now, though I'm not liking this season as much. But for all those people who love Lost, I dedicate this song to you. I have not been able to get it out of my head.

--- 2 ---

New post at Virtuous Planet! This one is on Halloween. I know the holiday is still a few weeks away, but I wanted to give us all time to think about it and share ideas. I'm specifically asking readers to share how the keep the holiday in thier own home and if they have any great saint costumes. Come join the fun!

--- 3 ---

We are having a heat wave and I don't know if I like it. What about you? I want jeans and cardigans but instead the kids and I are all wearing shorts again. This is October - I want it cool!

--- 4 ---

But maybe I should just shut up because Travis told me he heard some hard news about this winter from Brian Williams. Supposedly, the weathermen are suggesting that the Chicago area will have the coldest and hardest winter in the country. We're supposed to get double our normal amount of snow. Fortunately I live 3 hours south of Chicago, but I'm still thinking we may have a few more snow days this year.

--- 5 ---

So there's no time like now to start praying for perfect weather for the Behold Conference. Eek!

--- 6 ---

Okay, it's time to stop blogging. My house needs to be vacuumed.

--- 7 ---

What should you be doing instead of reading this? :)

\For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

A Mother's Love

2011-10-04T08:18:00.000-05:00

A Mother's Love- Healing Retreat After a Pregnancy Loss

If you have suffered any type of pregnancy loss and are looking for healing, please join A Mother's Love group for our semi-annual healing retreat. The retreat will take place on October 22 at St. Philomena Church. The doors open at 8:30 AM, and the retreat goes form 9-3. There is no cost, and lunch and snacks will be provided. Please e-mail amotherslove2@gmail.com to register to help us get a count for food. There is also registration available the day of the retreat. Contact RyAnne Carr if you have any questions at 309-253-0314 or at the e-mail above.

Please help spread the word about this retreat day! You can submit the above to your church bulletin, post it on Facebook, or tell mothers who have lost a child in pregnancy about it! This type of ministry is so needed in our Church!

Also, if you are interested, A Mother's Love meets the second Monday of the month beginning at 6pm at St. Phil's in Peoria.

blue and red lights on a Saturday night

2011-10-03T09:15:00.000-05:00

There I was sitting on my sofa in my pj's, pink robe, and slippers. James was down for the night in the next room over and I was watching How to Tame Your Dragon and sending some emails. Travis, Lydia, and Bennet were all gone for the night.

All was good until I heard a noise. Unsure of what it was, I told myself that James had just snorted/snored rather loudly. But then I heard it again, the sound of a ping pong ball dropping on a hard floor and then bouncing across it. POP pop pop pop pop pop.

My heart started to pound. I was afraid someone was trying to break into our house, having come through our cellar door (which is twice locked) and then up the basement steps (the door to the basement is also locked, and blocked by a large toy. Hear that, bad guys?!! You can't get in!) My other thought was that a mouse was in the house and had knocked over a toy.

A mouse is equally terrifying as a robber in my book.

So I called Travis because if it was a robber and he attacked me then Travis could call 911 and tell them where I was. I mean, if I'm being attacked I can't tell a dispatcher my address and emergency, can I? No.

Seeing that all was still in the kitchen and with Travis safely on the phone I walked into the downstairs bathroom, continuing my investigation. The bathroom smelled bad, and there was smoke right above the sink.

If there's smoke there's gotta be a fire. I was afraid it was coming from the outlet - there was nothing else that could have caused it and it smelled metallic.

If my daring husband had been home he would have had me go to James and quickly done some investigating. But he was on the road, driving home from Wisconsin with a friend and so I was on my own. I hung up the phone, got James, and sat in the mini-van to call 911.

I knew that if I called 911 they would send all kinds of people. I was right. I police officer responded right away. I heard his siren and saw his lights before he turned down my street. I was impressed with his bravery as he went into the house. A county cop then showed up and went in, too. He was calling for more people on his shoulder walkie-talkie.

In the end there was a full-sized firetruck, 3-4 fire and rescue trucks, and 3-4 cop cars parked around my house, all with their lights on. A bunch of men stood around in my yard, shooting the breeze. More men walked around my house and I thought, "I don't think there's any underwear laying around upstairs. I'm so glad I cleaned the kids' rooms and the bathrooms." I was standing on the sidewalk in my bright pink robe, holding a confused and sleepy James. I knew all my neighbors were looking. I felt like an idiot.

And the problem? It was a lightbulb. The lightbulb had short circuited or something (they showed me the burn marks on it) though the bulb wasn't busted and the light fixture itself was fine. The cone-shaped lightbulb-cover thing shot the smoke down, which is why it hovered over the sink and not near the ceiling. They checked for radon and called it good.

I apologized for them having to come out because of a lightbulb but they all reassured me that I did the right thing. Many of them had been at night our house the night James was born and they were happy to see him. One of the firefighters, a man named Dennis, I actually remembered from James' birth. He held my hand while they worked on James, something I thought was incredibly kind. I thanked him for doing that and the other men looked at him with little grins on their faces.

So that was my Saturday night. I hope yours was less eventful!

7 quick takes

2011-09-30T21:55:00.000-05:00

--- 1 ---

Mark Shea wrote an article at the National Catholic Registerand used James' story. The combox went a little crazy and many people seemed to have missed the point that while it is quite impressive that James' heart began to beat after 61 minutes, the potential miracle is that after 61 minutes he came back to life and is now fine. Doctors thought he would die or at least be severely disabled. Their thinking was based on what science and medicine tells us about how the human body works. You don't get oxygen, you die. Your organs shut down and don't work so machines have to do the work for you. Or you die.

Upon the gentle nudging of my VirtuousPla.net editor, Stacy, I was going to go back to the combox and explain that. And then I saw that long-time Newlywed reader, JoAnna had already done so. So thank you, JoAnna. I feel a little too weak right now to fight any emotional fights and I really appreciate you stepping in for me.

--- 2 ---

My newest article at VirtuousPla.net is up now. Maybe it sounds kinda depressing because I talk about death; or maybe it sounds kinda hokey because I talk so "eloquently" about fall. Either way, read it for the P.S. at the bottom if for no other reason!

--- 3 ---

Here's something awesome: a video from a Roman news agency. The funny thing is that they get two things wrong. #1 - they report that James was pulseless for 61 seconds. Seconds?! Uh, no. Try minutes!!! #2 - they make it sound like the worst thing that would have happened was that James could have been blind. Um, blind would have been nothing compared to severe cerebral palsy, brain dead, vegetable, dead... Trav said I should email them and correct them. I said it's not my job to correct everyone. If the Church sees fit to declare this a real miracle then I'm sure the record will be set straight then. :)

--- 4 ---

How is this for a great picture? Travis and I went to bed the other night, and we peeked into Lydia's room to see this.

--- 5 ---

The weather is finally cool enough for slippers, a hot cup of tea, and fall decorations. Love it!

--- 6 ---

A recent trip to a local pumpkin patch. In this area Ackerman Farm Pumpkin Patch is the way to go. The pumpkins are nice and cheap. The employees are kind and helpful. And they have all kinds of farm animals for the kids to see. Here's L and B petting a baby goat.

I love this picture of Lydia. Carmel apple sucker in mouth, she makes her way through the pumpkins, carrying the one special pumpkin she finally decided on.

--- 7 ---
Cute kids with their pumpkins and candy. Clearly L and B are saying, "cheese!"

Thanks for reading, friends! Have a great weekend!

For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

new things going on

2011-09-28T16:45:00.001-05:00

Hey folks.

Sorry I'm pretty silent over here. I really am doing things.

Like taking my kids to the park, going to doctor appointments for the boys, and decorating our house for Autumn.

And starting a Twitter account. I don't know what I'm doing yet, but I feel like I should have an account if Behold has an account.

You may also notice some things are different on this blog. Like my lovely tabs at the top. oooooo.

Also, I'm blogging on a weekly basis over at VirtuousPla.net and I'm a little ridiculous about my writing over there. It's like I'm back in college, writing and re-writing an essay, trying to get an 'A'. You can check out my most recent post, salty music.

I do have some posts in the works for this blog, my darling little blog. So stay tuned! I promise I'll be back!

are you bored?

2011-09-26T08:07:00.000-05:00

If you are, google "61 minutes James Fulton" and the stories go out for 18 pages. It's pretty crazy, but I understand why people are excited about a possible miracle for the good archbishop. People have a genuine love of him want to see him canonized. We're just along for the ride.

My favorite thing I've seen: someone called James "the boy who lived". Now that I love. :)

we knew it all along

2011-09-22T14:30:00.000-05:00

Okay, so maybe there were times, especially early on when I (for one) didn't know it. Maybe there were times when I was really afraid of what had happened and how it would effect the rest of our lives. Maybe there were times when I was quite unsure of what God was doing.

But surely that's all understandable.

And now, I am so happy to say, we have it straight from the developmental pediatrician's mouth: There are no lasting effects from James' 61 minutes without a pulse.

Woo hoo, Jesus!

We saw the doctor yesterday. He examined James, asked us some questions and with a big smile on his face and a slight shake of his head he said something like, "it's astounding and really, really wonderful. There is nothing to be concerned about."

James' knees are a little bent but Dr. thinks that's because of how he was in utero. He recommended we get some stretches to help the knees fully straighten, but he also said that there is nothing James won't be able to do if he doesn't just grow out of it. But again, that's not from the birth.

The doctor also said James may show a learning disability in the future, but so what. He could have had that anyways and it's just a guess of something that might happen.

Having this doctor respond so positively means a lot. He's an expert, one of the best, and everyone else seems to value his opinion. So if he says James is fine, James is fine.

But again, we already knew that. Didn't we?

The birthday recap and the finishing touch on the miracle

2011-09-19T21:01:00.000-05:00

A year ago last Saturday about 100 people were in the Cathedral in Peoria, asking for Archbishop Sheen's intercession and beggin God to miraculously heal my son.

But this past Saturday about 60 people gathered at our parish for a Mass of Thanksgiving.

I kept thinking, "how can we ask God for anything if we are not prepared to properly thank Him when He gives it to us." We asked for a miraculous healing - I believe that's what He gave us.

THANK BE TO GOD!

And then we went to the church hall to continue the celebration.

A potluck lunch.

70+ friends and family

A very cute birthday boy

Who was also very tired. He barely ate his cake - he mostly just played with it and rubbed the frosting on his face and in his hair.

I still remember sitting in his NICU room with his feeding therapist more-or-less telling me that he probably wouldn't be able to have cake at his first birthday because he'd probably be eating through a tube the rest of his life.

It was something I had to mourn, but in the end God let him have cake.

I am also honored to say that James' birthday guests generously gave to two seperate collections we took up, in lieu of gifts. $640 was donated for the Children's Hospital of Illinois and $195 was donated to the Sheen Foundation to help fund the canonization of Archbishop Sheen.

Lastly, tomorrow some friends, my three kids, and I will be making a pilgrimage to mark the anniversary of Archbishop Sheen's ordination.

I will be praying for the "last" bit of the healing to be finished. We recently saw James' feeding therapist, who said he eats like a 4-6 month old. We actually will never know if James was born with this problem (some "normal" kids are) or if it's a result of his traumatic birth, or if it's because of his body being put on pause for 3 days with the cooling therapy. Also, she strongly believes that he WILL be able to eat and drink normally as he ages, but that she fears he will be a slow learner and that he'll never be able to take thin liquid from a bottle.

Tomorrow I will ask God to fix James' swallowing.

Would you please pray with me?

I will again be asking for the good bishop's intercession.

Thank you for your prayers and support!

James is One

2011-09-15T23:17:00.000-05:00

Can you listen to this song and not think of my sweet baby James? The line "with ten miles behind me and ten thousand more to go" still makes me cry. It helped express my exhaustion when James was still in the NICU and we weren't sure who or what he'd be.

My family has gone through a lot in this last year. We are so grateful and joyful to have James and to have him healthy and happy.

I thought I would repost what I wrote here a year ago today. I was trying to be strong and confident when I wrote it, but when I read it now I can see that it is full of fear. The beginning of those ten thousand miles have looked very different than I thought they might.

James Fulton

After an 8 hour labor I gave birth to James Fulton at 1:48am on Thursday, September 16th - my younger brother's birthday. James weighed 9lbs 12oz. The labor was the best I've ever had. My water broke while on a walk around the neighborhood with Travis - right in front of the AC church during their Wednesday night service. My apologies!!!

James is a family name on my side, my bil's middle name, and one of my patron's - I was born on St. James the Greater's feast day. Fulton, of course, is for the great Archbishop Fulton Sheen.

James, who did very well during the labor, was born without a heart beat. After a few minutes of giving him oxygen and chest compressions, 911 was called. Tavis also baptised him. We are very grateful to the men and women EMTs and paramedics from Goodfield, Eureka and Congerville who came very quickly and transported James and I to the OSF. We are also grateful to our friend Jenny W. who attended the birth as a photographer but pitched in as a former pediatrics nurse when things got hairy. She also rode with Travis and James in the ambulance.

Fortunately, I did not need any stitches and my postpartum bleeding has been very light so I was able to go to the hospital and see my son very easily and quickly.

Another blessing was having Msgr Bliss, the hospital chaplain, and Fr. D, my spiritual director and former pastor, waiting for us at the hospital. They arranged for James to be confirmed, we chose for him the name Linus.

Without going into all the details of what is, or might be wrong, with James I will say that he is in stable yet critical condition at the NICU at OSF. At this point they are running tests, keeping him on a cooling pad to help with any possible brain and organ damage, and he is currently sedated. We probably won't be able to hold him for 3-5 more days, which is incredibly difficult, as I'm sure you can imagine.

The rest of us are all doing fairly well, albeit tired, worried, and sore (me).

We would like to publicly thank our many friends who prayed for us throughout the labor and are praying right now. Thank you also to Katie, our incomprable friend, who made us food, stayed with the kids while we were at the hospital, and helped me through afterbirth pains today. Our moms have also been tremendous helpers and generous givers. Thank you to my sister-in-law who also has helped with Lydia and Bennet. We are so very, very blessed.

And now we ask that you will pray for our son. Please pray through the intercession of St. James, St. Linus, and Archbishop Sheen. If James comes through with no problems we will defintely attribute it to a miracle for our local saint.

PLEASE PRAY!

for Pete's sake

2011-09-14T22:14:00.000-05:00

You may share your prayer request in the comment box or by emailing me at bonnie engstrom at gmail dot com.

Comments may be anonymous and please feel free to share as much or as little as you like.

It is an honor to pray for you! Thank you for the privilege!

Also, women in the Peoria, IL area, please note that A Mother's Love grief support group for women who have suffered a miscarriage, stillbirth, or loss of child meets the second Tuesday of every month from 6pm - 7:30pm. They meet in the old adoration room near the convent at St. Phil's in Peoria.

I was able to go to their first meeting and it was a wonderful, helpful, hopeful evening.

Please share this information with anyone you know who may be interested.

love this, gotta share it

2011-09-14T22:08:00.000-05:00

I saw this on Fr. Ray's blog. He got it from Defend Us In Battle.
I love it.

Review of Catholic Icing's Catholic ABC's preschool curriculum

2011-09-14T18:17:00.000-05:00

Lacy Rabideau of Catholic Icing has answered the prayers of many a Catholic mom - or at least this one's - with her Catholic ABC's preschool curriculum book.

I've had my copy of the book for a couple weeks now and I've spent a lot of time reading through it, familiarizing myself with the content, and revving up for homeschooling Lydia. We have now officially begun homeschooling preschool (she's 3) with Catholic ABC's and we are both in love with the book.

For starters, I appreciate that Lacy writes out an entire script that parents or preschool teachers (for those in co-ops, CCD classrooms, etc) to read. As a parent I am Lydia's first and most natural teacher, but I am not a "natural" teacher and have never home schooled before. I appreciate that Lacy has created a common-sense flow for the day and provided all the transitions to get from one part to the next. It helps me feel less awkward and also allows for a framework that I can use to interact with Lydia.

The other thing I appreciate about the book is how much freedom there is. The established structure actually helped me feel free to deviate a little bit because I can always quickly and easily pick up the script again as soon as I need to move on. Lacy offers so many tips and fun ideas to help kids learn using sight, movement, songs, and so on that she inspired me to alter things a little bit so Lydia would really enjoy the lesson and get the most out of it, and I would be 100% comfortable. For example, for the Creation Unit Lydia and I began by using Google Maps to find our home, our town, our state, our country, and our planet. That was how we began discussing the world God created. Then, instead of using the recommended symbols (a flashlight for light) I made up hand gestures to accompany the song about Creation. When I do this with Bennet next year I'm pretty sure I'll need the symbols, but for Lydia the "dancing" is more meaningful. But I want to be clear, while I altered Lacy's lesson plan a bit it is not because it isn't good. In fact, without Catholic ABC's I'm not sure I would have been confident teaching Lydia about creation.

I also appreciate the letter lessons. Lydia knows her alphabet, but Lacy's book uses the letters to introduce important parts of our faith. So each week we are learning about a new saint, opening our Bible to read a verse, and discussing a new vocab word (like "angel" or "grotto" or "monstrance").

When it comes to the crafts that correspond with each lesson, I have to confess that about 1/3 of them probably won't be made unless Lydia's godmother shows up. There's two reasons for this. First, crafts can stress me out, which makes me not want to do some of the more elaborate ones. Some examples are the super cute nativity set and the brilliant Last Supper made from an egg carton. I love the idea of them and how they look but I'm pretty sure attempting them will only bring about yelling, cursing, and tears. Secondly, we don't own all the supplies, such as feathers, beads, and felt. I know that all those supplies are easily found at Wal-Mart and dollar stores but if we go back to the whole stress factor you can maybe understand why I don't want feathers and beads around the house and easily in the hands of little boys who like to throw and eat things. It should be pretty simple to find other ways of doing such crafts, and Lacy even offers ideas (like a rosary made of MnM's and mini marshmallows instead of beads) so in the end I may have no excuse except laziness.

So really the crafts and the book have no fault - it's just me.

The back of the book is filled with templates and coloring pages that go the lessons and units. Because my printer has a built-in copier this is very helpful for me - no more searching the website as it's right there! A friend without a copier wishes the book came with a cd of the pages, which might be a good suggestion for when Lacy's book is picked up by a publisher.

The last thing I want to point out is that Lacy has some great ideas for how to teach kids basics of our faith. Every part of every lesson has all kinds of useful tips that I thought were brilliant.

In all I strongly recommend the book. Even if you send your child to preschool I think that there are projects, songs, lessons, and tips in Catholic ABC's that will help reinforce the lessons they'll be learning, the faith you're trying to instill in them, and the fact that learning and our Catholic faith are fun.

amazing

2011-09-13T07:28:00.000-05:00

If you're having a bad day, here's a story to renew your faith in the goodness and selflessness of others.

A 21 year old man was trapped under the car that hit him on his motorcycle. The vehicles were on fire and a group of men lifted the car off him, and pulled him out, probably saving his life.

He is in critical condition; let's say a prayer.

Sheen and Megan

2011-09-12T15:23:00.000-05:00

The Diocese of Peoria is asking people to join in a novena for the canonization of Archbishop Sheen. The reason is simple, Sheen was a holy man and is an excellent example to all of us. As an official saint the Church would lift him up as a role model, just Christians already look to St. Paul, the Blessed Mother, or even Billy Grahm, Mother Teresa, and St. Augustine. That prayer as at the bottom of this post.

However, a friend is asking for people to pray for her niece, Megan, who is in need of complete healing, much like James was. If you are willing to pray, please read her story below, pray for her, and leave a comment so the family knows you've lifted her up. Thank you!!!

Sheen Novena for Megan

September 12-20

Eternal Father, You alone grant us every blessing in Heaven andon earth, through the redemptive mission of Your Divine Son, Jesus Christ, and by the working of the Holy Spirit.

If it be according to Your Will, glorify Your servant, Fulton J. Sheen, by granting the favor I now request through his prayerful intercession - that Megan's body heals and functions normally and is spared any damage to her brain. I make this prayer confidently through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen

Today is the start of the Archbishop Sheen novena that goes through the 20th to celebrate the anniversary

of the Sheen ordination. Along with praying for Archbishop Sheen we are asking for you to also say a

novena for his intercession to bless and heal Megan Crawford. Megan is 25 years old and is from

Germantown Hills. She was in a near fatal car accident on July 8th of this year. She was hit head on by a

utility truck driving the wrong way on the interstate. Her best friend and the driver of the truck were both

dead on the scene. They did not think Megan would live. However, the grace of God has withstood Megan

through so much! Megan is suffering from severe head trauma and broken bones in every extremity of her

body. She has had many surgeries to fix the bones however she has not been able to respond or

communicate with anyone for the last 9 weeks. She has been in Lexington, Kentucky with her mother by her

side. After talking with a friend they suggested we ask Archbishop Sheen to intercede for Megan and to ask

God to show us his favor for Archbishop Sheen to become a saint by making Megan's healing a miraculous

one. After asking Sheen's intercession one day, Megan was miraculously stable enough to make the move

back to Peoria to the Triumph Hospital where she is in a neuro-intensive care unit. However, after

beginning to pray through Archbishop Sheen for Gods intercession, she has had signs of hope. On the

second day back, Megan actually said two words through a voice stimulator. She is so weak that she has

not been able to say much since then except "go home". She also followed the neurologist's finger, which

she had not done in the 8 weeks in the hospital in Kentucky. The doctor in Peoria told her mother that this

is not at all what the doctors in KY told us about Megan's condition. They immediately did a CAT scan to

figure out what had changed and said that it is miraculous that she was able to do either of those things.

They have told the family that with severe head trauma, the earlier they get her to respond and

communicate the more chances she has to regain any memory or ability to do so. She needs your prayers

to be able to get strong enough to move, talk, breathe on her own and be able to live a normal life. We are

asking God to show us amazing things that we know only He can do for Megan. Please remember her

mother as well as this is any parent's nightmare and she has not left her side in over 9 weeks. The goal is

to get Megan to be able to go to an acute rehabilitation hospital. So below you will find a novena for Megan

as well as a novena for Archbishop Sheen's canonization. Please say these for Archbishop Sheen to be

canonized and for his intercession to heal Megan!! Hopefully, her healing will be one of the miracles

needed for him to be canonized a SAINT.

PRAYER FOR CANONIZATION of Archbishop Sheen

Heavenly Father, source of all holiness, You raise up within the Church in every age men and women who serve with heroic love and dedication. You have blessed Your Church through the life and ministry of Your faithful servant, Archbishop Fulton J Sheen. He has written and spoken well of Your Divine Son, Jesus Christ, and was a true instrument of the Holy Spirit in touching the hearts of countless people. If it be according to Your Will, for the honor and glory of the Most Holy Trinity and for the salvation of souls, we ask You to move the Church to proclaim him a saint. We ask this prayer through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.

loss of child support group

2011-09-10T22:38:00.000-05:00

I am really proud to share with you that a dear friend of mine is beginning a support group for women who have lost a child through miscarriage, stillbirth, or death. The meetings are at St. Phil's in Peoria and the first one is this Monday, September 12th at 6:30pm.

I encourage you to come, no matter how recently or long ago you lost your child!

They are also planning a healing retreat for October 22nd.

Below is the information from their Facebook page. Please pass it on to anyone who may be interested in being involved in the future.

May the peace of Christ be with you all!

Have you, or has someone you know, experienced the miscarriage, stillbirth, or death of a child? We will be starting a monthly support group for women who have experienced these events in their lives. The group will meet in the Sacred Heart room at St. Philomena Catholic Church starting on September 12th from 6:30 - 8:00pm. Please tell anyone whom you think would like support in these areas.

*The Sacred Heart room is located under the rectory; enter the basement on the north side of the building.

The first annual healing retreat, also called "A Mother's Love," will be on October 22nd. More details to come...

a prayer for Megan C.

2011-09-08T08:15:00.000-05:00

A friend has asked me to post a prayer request for her niece, Megan C.

About a week ago Megan was driving through Kentucky with a friend when a truck drove straight into them. Megan was the only one to survive, though the coroner originally thought she was dead. The coroner said it was one of the worst crashes he'd ever seen in all his years of doing the job and was amazed that someone survived.

However, Megan was crushed and is in really bad shape. She is back in Illinois now and her mom, Mary, and family are praying for her healing. Please join us in lifting Megan and her family up in prayer.

They are also asking Archbishop Sheen's intercession. The prayer is below:

Eternal Father, You alone grant us every blessing in Heaven and on earth, through the redemptive mission of Your Divine Son, Jesus Christ, and by the working of the Holy Spirit.

If it be according to Your Will, glorify Your servant, Fulton J. Sheen, by granting the favor I now request through his prayerful intercession - that Megan's body heals and functions normally and that she is spared any brain damage. I make this prayer confidently through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.

a little bit of a repeat

2011-09-07T08:40:00.001-05:00

A few years ago I did this, and if you want to read those answers, you can go here. Every once in awhile I think things like this are fun and doing it on a blog seems better than me junking up your email. However, I'd like to invite Lisa, Cynthia, Kaitlin, Alisha, and Mia to play along (if you'd like!).

What is your occupation right now? I'm storing up treasure in Heaven as a stay at home mom, blogger, assistant director for Behold Conference. I also have a new sweet gig cleaning my mom's house every two weeks for some cash.

What are you listening to right now? Bennet say "choo choo train" and James bang toy pots together.

What was the last thing that you ate? egg and turkey sandwich with cheese on toasted English muffin (330 cal).

How old are you today? 30

What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? Bears football followed by the Olympics.

What is your favorite drink? Iced chai, Dr. Pepper, water

What is your new favorite song? Mat Kearney's "Hey Mama"

What is the last movie you watched? Not a movie, but I am now officially obsessed with Lost. Travis thinks its an obsession. I watch it on my laptop while I load the dishwasher or make dinner. I told a friend this last night and she looked very concerned and a little disapproving.

Favorite day of the year? any day Travis has a snow day.

What was your favorite toy as a child? Barbies

What is your favorite season? Yuletide, with Halloween a close second.

Cherries or Blueberries? Fresh - cherries, in baked goods - blueberries

When was the last time you cried? Since James' birth I have cried every day. I am so grateful.

What is on the floor of your closet? my running clothes, Travis' swimming trunks, some records, a shotgun.

Who is the friend you have had the longest? Hedda - we've been friends since kindergarten.

What did you do last night? Took James to visit his old NICU nurses and the ED doctor who cared for him then stopped by the First Ten meeting.

What are you most afraid of? Travis' death, followed by the death of my children, followed by my Mom's, followed by utter humiliation.

How many states have you lived in? 3ish - one summer in California, half a summer in Wisconsin and the rest of it in good ole Illinois.

What is your favorite kind of flower? Tulips, I think.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Bennet!

2011-09-05T07:42:00.003-05:00

Hot diggeety dog!

That was the theme of Bennet's 2nd birthday party. There wa a time in my son's life when his favorite thing in the world was dogs. Dogs have now been eclipsed by trains, but when I was planning the party the canines were still number one. So we had a dog party instead of a train one.

Which is kind of a shame because some variation of Choo Choo Two! would have made a cute theme.

But for my little buddy's party we had:

Puppy dog cupcakes.
Note: if you make these do not put the ears on the night before. When you cover them up the ears will break off and you'll have half-eared dogs.

My birthday cake.
Or a vairation of it. The original cake, which I ate while Travis napped with a newborn Bennet, was Barefoot Contessa's Plum Tatin. I didn't have time to make that, so I made a plum upside down cake out of a yellow cake mix. It wasn't as good as the tatin, but it got the job done.

So I forgot to take the picture when the bowls were full, but we also had puppy chow, corn dog bites, MnM's, chips, and variations of home made salsa.

It was a gorgeous day so we had the windows open.
Bennet is signing "more" because he likes us singing to him.

He was really excited to blow out his candles.

Bennet's cupcake with an MnM 2 on it.

So excited for his presents.

Look how cute this kid is!

Caught with her mouth full.

Playing with his toys.

Rubbing noses with his new Thomas bed.

The party was a lot of fun. We are really blessed with a great family and a really great little boy. Bennet Mark is one of the cutest boys in the world!

What a blessing!

7 quick takes

2011-09-02T08:20:00.001-05:00

-1- Congratulations go to two families! My high school friend Amanda and her husband and daughter welcomed into the world baby boy Briar. He is so cute! And my nomad church friend Alison and her husband and two sons welcomed baby girl Caitlin! Precious!

-2- I have a new post up over at VirtuousPla.net. Go check it out - it's called What we're not saying

-3- September is going to be a very busy month for us. We have 11 appointments, three birthday parties, a fish fry and the Behold Coffee and Chocolate Night. Oh yes, I also have to figure out a good preschool schedule for Lydia and the family.

-4- Speaking of which, I will be working with Lacy from Catholic Icing on a review of her Catholic Preschool Curriculum Catholic ABC's. I hope to have it to you in a week or so.

-5- Why do babies think it's so much fun to pick food off their trays and drop it on the floor? I do not think this is fun.

-6- Once the temperature is out of the 90's I'm going to decorate for fall. I look forward to using my autumnal/Halloween and wintery/Christmas decorations as soon as we get to Lent. But right now it's too hot for me to stand on my porch hanging a garland of fall leaves. I'm not going to break a sweat thinking about cool weather, people.

-7- But Fall! Beautiful Fall! I love thee! The leaves changing colors! Highs in the low 70's! Wearing hoodies as we sit around a bonfire making s'mores and drinking spiked cider and cocoa! Taking pictures of the kids by pumpkins! The Bears! Welcome back, Autumn. I have missed you.

I don't care what you think

2011-08-31T08:01:00.000-05:00

You can think my taste for music isn't developed. You can think this is a silly pop song.

That is your opinion. But let me tell you the truth!

This song makes me dance in my kitchen while I'm washing dishes, making dinner, or typing. I sing it throughout the day and it makes me feel happy. It has clean lyrics - ones my kids can hear. It is well performed and well produced. And it features Ludacris, which actually doesn't mean very much for me but I think he does a good job.

Whatever. I've got Bieber Fever. Laugh. Roll your eyes. Or listen to the song and have a little dance party. I'd chose option 3.

;)

Behold: Coffee and Chocolate

2011-08-30T16:15:00.000-05:00

Ladies!

Mark your calendars and call the women you love. The next Behold Conference will be on March 10, 2012 at the Embassy Suites in East Peoria, IL.

We are super excited about all the plans - our speakers! our theme! our team members! our new location! - and we will be revealing all the details at the Coffee and Chocolate Night!

The Coffee and Chocolate Night is a special event for all women who are interested in being a part of the growing ministry that is the Behold Conference. I invite you to come so you can hear about all the opportunities to serve and grow in your faith by being a member of one of our planning Teams. There will also be coffee, chocolate, and fellowship.

If you are interested in attending please visit us on Facebook or send me an email.

I hope to see you there!

Yay James!

2011-08-28T20:46:00.000-05:00

James had his re-evaluation for physical therapy a couple weeks ago. The assessment:

James is an 11 month old who is currently functionaing at 11 months for gross motor skills and 12.5 months for fine motor skills... He presents with a significatn medical history which includes an abnormal MRI, as well as whole body cooling and seizures.

Reading the first part of that is so much more amazing since it's followed by the second part!

Praise God!

7 quick takes

2011-08-25T22:04:00.000-05:00

-1- Awhile ago Trav's Aunt Julie made a couple mix cd's for me. They were great. (Who knew Aunt Julie had such good taste in music? I don't know if anyone did, but now that I know about Aunt Julie's good taste I'm letting everyone know!) Anyways, she put a couple songs by Needtobreathe on the discs and this one, The Outsiders, is one of my faves. I hope you like it, too.

-2- When you see/hear the words "the outsiders" do you automatically think, "Stay gold, Ponyboy," or is that just me?

-3- The fact that Aunt Julie made the cd's for me is quite amazing since I offended her on Christmas one year. It's a classic story of Bonnie putting her foot in her mouth. It goes like this:

Me, wearing an argyle sweater and sitting next to hip, beautiful cousin B (Julie's daughter): "B, I'm so glad to see you wearing argyle. I didn't know if it was still "in" or not. I used to have a sense of style, but now that I'm older, fatter, and a mom I'm not sure what is appropriate to wear. I don't want to look too young, but I don't want to dress like I'm 45."

Everyone laughs, my mother-in-law, grandmother-in-law, sister-in-law, Julie, cousin B - everyone.

Me: "What's so funny?"

My dear mother-in-law: "Today is Julie's 45th birthday!"

I'm awesome like that.

-4- The fact that I am now inept in all things fashionable is why I am so looking forward to my Bloom consultation with the lovely Hallie Lord, aka Betty Beguiles. I am so excited to get some great pointers from her!

-5- One of Lydia's favorite books right now is Love You Forever. Today she was carrying her lamb doll, which was dressed in a mismatched pair of Lydia's pj's and wrapped in James NICU blanket, and saying to it, "I'll love you forever; I'll like you for always; As long as I'm living my baby you'll be." It was really stinkin' cute!

-6- I don't like reading Love You Forever because it makes me cry, sometimes so hard that L and B look at me with great concern.

-7- Tuesday, September 20th is the anniversary of Archbishop Sheen's ordination to the priesthood. I'm thinking of making a little pilgrimage on that day, maybe to the Cathedral in Peoria, IL where he was ordained (and where we had a holy hour and Mass when James was 2 days old, asking for Sheen's intercession) or to his birthplace of El Paso, IL. I could also go to the Sheen Foundation Museum located at the Spalding Center in downtown Peoria. I say all this because I'm wondering if anyone would want to come with me and the kids to do this. Is anyone interested?

wa-hoooo

2011-08-24T21:58:00.000-05:00

Honestly, if it weren't for the fact that I'm dead tired right now I would be freaking out at the fact that I am now officially published. Sure it's a blog and I published it myself, but the editors want it that way!

I am fairly certain that I misspelled something or somehow, under the influence of my daughter, wrote poopy pants in the article and I'm too tired to notice. Plus I've read and re-read the thing like 57 times so it's become one giant blur. And I'm tired (I already mentioned that, whaaat?) and it took me like 30 minutes to figure out how to upload an image to a website that is not Facebook or Blogger. But I've done it. whew.

I hope it's not lame that I wrote about a movie that's been out for awhile - the buzz is long over. If it is just lie to me so I feel better.

Wanna check it out? The post is called "whatever is noble."

Virtuous Pla.net

2011-08-22T08:34:00.000-05:00

And a happy Monday to you all!

Over the weekend I pulled some strings, made some phone calls, wired some money, made some magic happen, and now I am one of the newest contributors for the new website VirtuousPla.net! *

I am super excited and honored to be a part of the amazing line-up of bloggers, commentators, authors, and people I've wanted to be real life friends with for years, or months, depending on when I became aware of their blog.

I hope you come on over and read all the great articles that are there!

* That's not actually what happened at all.

7 quick takes

2011-08-19T08:15:00.000-05:00

1- Maybe you need to start your day with something awesome. Well here ya go.

2 - I have started to exercise. About 4 times a week I ride Trav's bike into the country, hide the bike, and then run/walk a mile. I'm working my way up to running a mile and I'm over half way there. A friend kindly said that I am cross training, but really I'm going into the country because I'm too embarrassed to run in front of my neighbors.

3 - The benefits of exercise are amazing and have been instantaneous for me. I am waaaaaay less stressed, partly because exercise is a stress reliever, but also because for 30 minutes each day no one is touching me or talking to me. Being less stressed means I am eating less - I always binge when I'm stressed - which has helped me lose 4lbs since I started running about 10 days ago. I also have a lot more patience now. The kids and I are enjoying one another a lot more and I am parenting the way I want when things get messy or loud or frustrating.

4 - One of the best parts of the this whole exercising thing is that Travis is the main instigator behind it. He has made it as much of a priority as I have (maybe even more now that I'm cheerier!) and he happily helps with dinner and ~~kicks me out of the house~~ sends me on my way each evening.

5 - My goals in all this are to be healthy, enjoy my life more, feel confident in how I look, look good for my husband. I kinda want to look like this again:

oh yeah. shake it.

6 - On to things that have little to do with me... World Youth Day is going on, people! How awesome! My beloved Sisters of Life are in Madrid once again hosting the Love & Life Centre for English speaking pilgrims. And my dear friend, Sr. Mariam Caritas - the Beth I mentioned here, is there as well. The sisters are blogging and you can read their words and reflections here.

7 - In honor of World Youth Day I'd like to give a little shout out to my little group of pilgrims from WYD Cologne! Thank you for sharing that experience with me! You and that pilgrimage are such blessings in my life! May the peace of Christ be with you still and may His love and strength sustain you!

Pilgrims in Rome before heading to WYD in Germany.

cooling baby

2011-08-18T08:31:00.000-05:00

Once James' heart began beating again he was taken to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at the Children's Hospital of Illinois at OSF St. Francis in Peoria. There they began what is known as hypothermia treatment or cooling treatment. This treatment has only been done for 2-3 years in this area of the country and there are not a lot of cooling babies in my area.

I am wanting to speak with other parents of cooling babies. Does anyone know of another cooling baby out there? If you do, or you are a parent of a baby who was cooled and you're willing to swap stories, would you please leave a comment or email me at bonnie fandel at g mail dot com?

Thanks.

for Pete's sake

2011-08-16T11:49:00.000-05:00

I'm so sorry I am a day late posting this! With yesterday (the 15th) being the Feast of the Assumption I forgot to post this! In fact, I was praying for all of you this morning when I realized I had messed up.

You may share your prayer request in the comment box or by emailing me at bonnie engstrom at gmail dot com.

Comments may be anonymous and please feel free to share as much or as little as you like.

It is an honor to pray for you! Thank you for the privilege!

Mother Mary

2011-08-15T20:59:00.000-05:00

Abigail's Alcove is encouraging people to share stories of when Mary has "intervened" in our lives. I immediately thought of the following story and wanted to share it as a way to celebrate the Feast of the Assumption. (Happy Feast Day!)

Throughout my life I have been blessed with many good friends, but my senior year of college was when I found a true kindred spirit in my classmate Danielle. She was funny, energetic, caring, talented, and passionately pursuing God. I had never had such a good friend who was such a good Catholic and I enjoyed every moment with her. We quickly became best friends and our love for one another was deep and solidly founded on Christ.

And then she became a nun. I mourned the loss of her like she had died. It was really, really hard.

But through her loss and my new job at a Catholic student center I became much better friends with my former campus minister, Beth. Beth and Danielle had always been close but now I was hurting in a way few could understand and I was in need of a mentor. Beth opened her heart and (on several tear-filled nights) her home to me, and through phone calls, dinners, holy hours, and road trips our friendship grew into something quite extraordinary. God had blessed me with a woman who was a perfect combination of older sister and best friend.

And then she became a nun. Another loss to mourn. Despite all my joy for my friends' beautiful vocations, I was incredibly sad.

The Fall of 2005 was a very lonely time for me. No one wanted the title "Bonnie's Best Friend" out of fear they'd end up in a convent. Also, God revealed to me that the next person I'd describe as my best friend would be the man I'd marry, which gave me long term relief but made me a little more sad in the meantime.

Then one day I got a letter from Danielle, who had a new nun name by this time. I went into the chapel of the Newman Center I worked at, sitting in the pew in front of the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe. I read the letter. In it she said that we were both wrapped in Mary's mantel. I closed my eyes, leaned back against the pew, and imagined Mary sitting in between Danielle and I, her robe wrapped around all three of us, keeping us warm.

It may seem silly, or sensational, or cheesy, or crazy, but I truly did sense Mary at that moment. It felt like she was sitting right next to me. And I felt certain that down in Nashville Danielle was sitting in her chapel, right next to Mary, wrapped in her robes. Just on the other side of me.

I felt so close to my friend in that moment. It was a precious gift, and it happened more than once. I used that imagery repeatedly and it helped me feel physically, emotionally, and spiritually close to both Danielle and Beth, often at times when I was quite lonely or scared or unsure of myself. Mother Mary gave me the gift of sitting in the presence of friends who knew me quite well but loved me nonetheless. She gave me the gift of the joyful peace of true friendship.

While Mary wrapped us in her mantel she was showing me her love, treating me to something special, helping me feel encouraged - exactly like a mother would!

But it's easy to understand why she would do that: My best friends were nuns - talk about running with the right crowd! There was no way I was gonna get in any trouble with a couple of nuns by my side!

What about you? Do you have a great story about Mother Mary?

7 quick takes

2011-08-12T21:33:00.000-05:00

1 - I made caramel popcorn balls last night. They are now gone. I ate all but two of them. It should probably be the last time I ever make caramel anything. So good.

2 - Please don't ask me to remember anything right now. My mind (and calendar) are so full it's hard for me to retain any information.

3 - Let's look at cute pictures of my kids, shall we?

James, posing for this birthday party invite picture.

Lydia, helping make brinner. She knows she's cute.

Bennet, in love.

James taking a break from crawling. The red mark on his belly is all that's left of his g tube.

My boys, plus Lydia's monkey. She walks around in a circle with it and declares they are married.

celebrating with a cook out

2011-08-10T08:52:00.001-05:00

Tonight Travis will stack up the charcoals, lite up the grill, and cook the family some hamburgers.

Around these parts we're celebrating St. Lawrence, the patron saint of cooks and comedians. St. Lawrence was burned to death on a grill because of his Faith. He famously told the executioners, "Turn me over; I'm done on this side.

What could be better than a cook out in and a toast of rum and coke in his honor?!

You may think this is gross or sacrilegious. We think it's fun.

uh-oh, oh-no preschool

2011-08-09T13:24:00.000-05:00

There's been a lot of thinking, praying, and discussing over here. Lydia, a precious 3 years old, is signed up for preschool at the local community nursery school. Several of her friends are signed up as well and we've been looking forward to it all summer long.

The perks of preschool - more time with my boys and social interaction for my daughter - have looked so good for so long.

But now the perks of keeping her home are starting to weigh heavier. And before anyone begins to think I'm being very sentimental let me say flat out that the $70 a month fee is a huge reason we're considering homeschooled preschool. It also greatly helps that I can teach her many of the things she'd learn at nursery school: weather, calendars, standing in a line. I'll just need to be more intentional about those things. We already do counting, writing, reading, singing, cooking, and we have some good playdate groups in the area.

Many friends on Facebook brought up some good points about preschool - there's someone else teaching your child, oldest children (like Lydia) have to learn to share and can't be bossy, there's structured time, and it allows for mom to have some more focused time with the younger kids. All of those points are really valid, I think.

Many other friends discussed how keeping their kids at home for one or two more years was such a beautiful experience for the entire family. They spoke from experience of children who didn't go to preschool and still flourish in kindergarten. This was really reassuring to hear and helped our family come to the conclusion that Lydia will stay home for at least one more year.

Since making this decision I've started a list of things to spend her tuition money on, though most of it will go to bills. Yet there is now some room in the budget for trips to the the zoo and a local children's museum. We now have gas money to visit her great grandparents. I will also be purchasing Catholic Icing's Catholic ABC's Preschool Curriculum Book and An Alphabet of Catholic Saints book. I'd also like to get some more craft supplies, and a few teaching tools.

I also have hopes of using part of the the money to hire a babysitter so Travis and I can go to Adoration together twice a month.

I'm excited about this next year, but I keep telling myself to not get too worked up about it all. I think the key is to be very, very low key about it. Right? I mean, we don't really even need a curriculum but I'm getting one just in case Lydia and I want a little more structure. And because I'm pathetic with crafts and Catholic Icing is not. Lydia loves crafts, the girl deserves some good crafts. I'm really not even gonna think of this as homeschool because, well-known secret, I have never wanted to homeschool. So this is just some more time for Lydia to be a little girl, having fun, hanging out, and maybe learning a few things along the way.

I am shamelessly looking for validation on this.

the perfect little onesie

2011-08-08T10:15:00.000-05:00

Hey folks!

LB, Why wasn't this shirt in existence for when L,B, and J were born? Such a shame!

My dear friend Laura - affectionately known as LB around these parts - has opened an Etsy shop called TheOnesie. They. are. adorable! Laura has been crafting and creating for a long time - her work is quality and fun.

If you're pregnant or you have a loved one with an upcoming shower check out her store. And buy something, by golly! You'll be glad you did. :)

7 really quick takes

2011-08-05T09:11:00.001-05:00

1- Hey! It's the Magnetic Fields! "True I'm in love with you but you might decide I'm a nut. Give me a week or two to go absolutely cuckoo."

2 - Here's a little introvert appreciation article from the Atlantic. When I take personality tests I always come out an introvert, though I am pretty close to even between extrovert and introvert. I think that's called a "slightly expressed introvert" or something like that. Anyways, the line I most identify with is this one: (many actors, I've read, are introverts, and many introverts, when socializing, feel like actors. When I worked in Admissions and campus ministry I always felt like I had to "turn myself to on" when I went to work. I was definitely acting the part of a cheerful, outgoing hostess and it was exhausting!

What are you? Introvert or extrovert? And if you tell me you're a choleric phlegmatic I'm not going to know what you're talking about and just say, "Bless you."

3 - Currently I am 1/2 dressed (as in wearing my nightgown and jeans) and ignoring the dishes that need to be done. Whoops.

4 - If you liked #1 then may I recommend The Book of Love, I Think I Need a New Heart, and Abigail, Belle of Kilronan also by The Magnetic Fields.

5- The kids were potty training a teddy bear this morning and he accidentally fell in the toilet. Clean water, a toilet that was scrubbed really well on Tuesday. Do I throw the bear away? Try to wash it? Let it dry and call it good enough? What would you do?

6 - Tomorrow is a party for my two brothers. Recently they have both been promoted at work. The talents and knowledge they bring to their work are really impressive and I'm glad they have both been recognized. I'm very proud of my brothers - they are excellent men.

7 - My most stunning recent accomplishment is that I did not over eat at lunch yesterday. Yay for me!

quality of life

2011-08-01T11:05:00.000-05:00

We have been very blessed to stay in contact with several of the doctors and nurses who cared for James the night he was born and throughout his NICU stay. Yesterday I had the privilege of speaking with one of the nurses who worked on James the night he was born. She shared her experience of the night with me and her words were quite powerful and left me stammering, looking for words.

She said that once James was alive again there was a feeling of "what have you done?" because of how badly disabled James would be. But then she told me, and I'm paraphrasing a little bit, "Quality of life is not to be decided by doctors and nurses. Quality of life is determined by the person with the problems, the people who love him, and God."

I wrote a post about having a son with disabilities when James was a month old and still in the hospital. I was terrified of what our new normal would look like. I was terrified and angry, and I was still holding out hope that God wasn't done healing my son, eradicating all his special needs. I knew that as a Catholic Christian I should know and believe that quality of life is determined by the person with the problems, his loved ones, and God, but I was pretty sure it would be determined by kids at school, strangers at the store, and my own fears and insecurities.

This issue is something that I had to face for a long moment and then James continued to improve and the issue wasn't forced any longer. It still resurfaces, though. Take, for instance, a recent viewing of The Village. I was watching it with a group of people and when the mentally disabled Noah died and his mother sobbed I sat in the back of the room crying, too. Not because I was invested in the characters but because they forced the issue again.

The fear, the burden, the unknown, the guilt, the loneliness, the relief, the sorrow, and the grief - they still sit in the back of me. Not dealt with. Hidden most of the time. I know that's not healthy but I am not ready to go through it all again. Not yet. Maybe they will just go away.

I am glad for Absolute Truth. God is good even though our circumstances are not. A person's dignity does not depend upon what he can or cannot do. Quality of life is decided by God, loved ones, and the person who suffers. These things do not change based on how I feel or what I believe and so my only options are to ignore them or embrace them.

Related posts:
the music that got me through
this thing that I fear
special needs

NKOTBSB or reflections on manhood after a boy band concert

2011-07-30T12:36:00.000-05:00

To help me celebrate my 30th birthday a good friend drove me to Indianapolis for the NKOTBSB concert. It was a blast. For the most part the audience was women like myself, between the ages of 25-40, nicely but modestly dressed, there to relive their youth a little bit and sing along to some favorite songs from the past.

My two favorite NKOTB songs are Cover Girl and Tonight. I loved hearing them live. The whole night was fun - there was a sense of camaraderie amongst the fans as we cheered for opening act Matthew Morrison, the New Kids, and the Backstreet Boys.

As a group I enjoyed the New Kids the most. (Old loyalties die hard.) My friend, a die hard Nick Carter and BSB fan, with special order "Future Backstreet Boy Fan" shirt pointing to her baby bump, was the perfect companion for the giddy fun.

L-R: Howie, AJ, Joey, Jon, Jordan, Brian, Danny, and Nick

But the best part for me (besides spending lots of really quality time with my friend) was how much I thought of my husband. The guys would grind and flash their abs and arms. Dance moves frequently brought attention to their groins, emphasized on the jumbo screens that showed close ups. Women would scream. I would not.

You can say it if you want to. I'm a prude. I'm okay with that.

I just kept thinking, "This is not manhood. The anatomy is not what makes a man a real man." I kept thinking of Travis. He would never do those kinds of things. In fact whenever I tell people about that part of the concert he shakes his head in disappointment. And I understand why he does.

A real man has integrity. He is hard working and doesn't sell his sexuality to make money. A real man is honest, kind, steadfast. He seeks God and invests himself in his wife, children, family and friends. He serves, forgives, and shares.

A real man preserves the dignity and purity of a woman.

He does not grind in her face.

Of course I know that these 40 year old men were performing and I am sure that they posses many of the qualities that I listed above. In fact, I was continually impressed by Brian Littrell, the one band member who did not act macho throughout the concert. Brian, who has released a Christian solo album, was light-hearted, smiling and waving at the crowds. When the concert was over, it was Brian who got the biggest cheer from me.

The pop concert was a lot of fun. The boy bands were very entertaining. It was one of the most fun nights of my life! Really. I'm incredibly grateful for the gift.

But in the end, it is Travis and the other good men in my life that I am a true fan of. My children's godfathers, my brothers, Newman friends, my husband - these are the men who are building up our culture and the Kingdom. How blessed I am to have a front row seat.

Sharing summer survival tips

2011-07-25T08:33:00.002-05:00

Hello friends! Today I thought we could all share tips of fun things to do in the summer heat. What's a great way you keep your kids busy? Do you have special trips or treats you keep in your back pocket, ready to whip out when you want the kids to play hard and nap harder on hot days? Do the kids take long baths with extra special toys? Is there something special you do at the library? Do you shamelessly feed them ice cream? I'd love to hear what it is!

Feel free to post your adventure on your own blog, leaving a comment so I know to include you in a list I'll update in this post. And if you don't blog please tell me your secret tip in the comment box.

Here's who's playing along:
Marie
Cynthia
Lisa

Here's mine:

This is something that is sure to make me an amazing super mom to my kids - I take them to McDonald's for lunch, followed by playing in the play area, followed by ice cream on the way home.

I am brilliant in my execution of these special outings. In the morning I tell the kids that if they are good we will go to McDonald's. They are then well behaved. They obey, don't fight, use good manners. Of course I may have to threaten taking McDonald's away - and once I had to follow through on that - but now they know and my life is easier.

The first catch is we only go to McD's that have indoor play areas. I'm not sitting in the heat, people.

The second catch is they have to eat most of their lunch before we can leave the restaurant area to play. They always comply.

They then play, climbing up and sliding down. We're usually there for 25 minutes or so. James and I watch while Bennet and Lydia conquer their fears on the ascent and squeal with delight on the way down.

Then, and this is important, I tell the kids that it's time to go but I promise them ice cream to eat on the way home. This is gold, people, gold. One small cup of ice cream to go plus lots of napkins and we are happily and cooperatively walking to the van. Then I halve the ice cream, putting Lydia's portion in the lid and I have three full, tired, happy, strapped in kids - ready for naps and quiet time when we get home.

sharing summer survival tips

2011-07-22T08:26:00.000-05:00

It's hot all over!

We are going sTiR cRaZy over here. We've got a list of things to do when the weather is too hot to be outside but I've used most of them. But I'm sure you've got some really creative ideas, too.

So let's share our ideas.

Monday I'll be hosting a link up so we can all share our summer survival tips with one another. You can post your tip on your own blog (or in my comment box if you don't blog) and leave a comment on my post we know you're participating. I'll also update my post to include a list of all participating blogs.

You have the weekend to brainstorm and write your post in anticipation. I'm hoping a lot of you join in - I'm counting on your brilliance!

See you Monday!

Boston

2011-07-18T22:09:00.000-05:00

My husband, who is kind, thoughtful, and sneaky, planned a little getaway for me to coincide with a physics teachers' conference. Knowing that I've always wanted to go to Boston, he secretly sought out bargains, got himself a full paid scholarship to the conference, and arranged for the grandparents to take the kids for the weekend. He then took me out East for a long weekend. It was a blast.

Lunch at Jacob Wirth's 2nd oldest restaurant in city.

Pastrami sandwich with German potato salad. Delish.

Steaming tea pot.

I was told there are over 250 Dunkin Donuts in Boston. So that's where I had my breakfast. It's like a "when in Rome" kinda thing.

My favorite part of the trip: walking the Freedom Trail.

My guide on the Freedom Trail, "James Otis". He was brilliant. If you go to Boston, ask for him.

The American Mother Goose's grave. (I guess there's a British one, too.) She's near Paul Revere, Sam Adams, and John Hancock.

Site of the first public school in America.

Old State House. They read the Declaration of Independence from that balcony on July 4, 1776 and they have continued to do so every year since.

The Boston Massacre happened here, too.

They spell it correctly in Boston. ;)

Lunch in the North (Italian) part of the city. So good.

Going to Boston? Go to the Sam Adams Brewery and take the tour. You make a $2 donation, 100% of which goes to charity, and you get three samples in a keepsake glass. Plus the tour is fun and interesting.

Harvard.

President John Adams' library and garden.

Did you know that Paul Revere wasn't famous in his own day? If it weren't for Longfellow's poem none of us would know who he was.

Did you also know he fathered 16 children?

I know, "wowza!"

Speaking of Longfellow... "One if by land and two if by sea."

This restaurant is called Volle Nolle - Latin for "willy nilly." It's also in the Italian district, right on the main street, Hanover. I ordered a sandwich and cookie (pictured below - they were sooooo good!) and went to pay with credit. The co-owner told me they only take cash and asked what my bank was. When I explained I used a credit union in Illinois she asked how much cash I had ($3 less than what was owed) and told me that was enough.

Holy Cross Cathedral in Boston. We did not see the Archbishop. Bummer. And Mass was bumped to the basement chapel for a wedding(!). Double bummer.

The most expensive food I've ever eaten. And some of the best. Happy "30th Birthday / Last Night of Vacation / Ultimate Date Night with a Fantastic Husband Who Loves Me and Treats Me Super Well" to me!

Everyone we met told us not to go to Mike's Pastry but to Modern. We waited in line for about 35 minutes to get a real, honest to goodness cannoli. We visited with some really fun Bostonians, got our box of goodies and saved them for the hotel.

My first cannoli: It. was. amazing.

The trip was great. The history was great. The town was great. The way the vast majority of Boston men were blue shirts was great. I walked all over that city and I figured out the public transportation. I ate some delicious food (clearly). And I had a great time with my best friend.

Boston was nice; Travis is wonderful.

for Pete's sake

2011-07-15T15:53:00.002-05:00

In honor of my first child, Peter Mark, who we lost to miscarriage, I would love to pray for your intentions that are related to infertility or the loss of a child.

Please leave your prayer intention - for yourself or someone you know - in the comment box. Commenters may leave their name or be anonymous. You may share as little or as much as you like. With great respect, dignity, and affection I would like to pray for you, your pain, your grief, and your hope.

I, of course, invite all those who comment or read the comments to join me in praying for one another.

Thank you for this privilege.

"I think I'll go to Boston..."

2011-07-13T18:37:00.001-05:00

I'll be gone for the weekend; enjoy a little Augustana and some really good reads while I'm gone.

First up, Leila at Little Catholic Bubble has a wonderful post by Steve Gershom, a Catholic man who is also gay. A little teaser: When I go to Confession, I sometimes mention the fact that I'm gay, to give the priest some context. ... I've always gotten one of two responses: either compassion, encouragement, and admiration, because the celibate life is difficult and profoundly counter-cultural; or nothing at all, not even a ripple, as if I had confessed eating too much on Thanksgiving.
I also encourage you to check out Steve's blog. It's a really good read.

Also, a little victory dance is happening over here in the Diocese of Peoria. A judge has ruled that DCFS was wrong to end its relationship with Catholic Charities for foster care. You can read a nice little summary article about the good news here.
Looking for someone else to do the cooking? Megan Brent is a personal chef and owner of in good taste in central IL and she's dang good at what she does. A friend gave us a gift card for her business when James came home from the NICU and, while we have not yet used it - I just kept saving it for something special! - I have had the privilege of eating her fish tacos. Megan is warm, smart, and talented. Her website is here and you can find her on Facebook, too.

Lastly, here's a thoughtful post from CatholicMom about the book Premarital Sex in America by Jeremy Uecker. A teaser from the post: Yesterday’s premarital sex was generally “pre-marital”—sex before marriage between two people who did, in fact, get married to each other. Today’s premarital sex is typically not pre-marital and may occur pre-relationship or with no-relationship. It almost certainly occurs with a succession of partners, well before marriage enters the picture.

A post with a related topic is Fr. Longenecker's "Comments on Cohabitation." It's a list of things priests might like to say to cohabiting couples who come in for marriage prep.

a few little things I love about summer

2011-07-12T16:10:00.000-05:00

I live in Central Illinois and we have four definite seasons. Fall and spring and winter I love and summer, well, it has its perks.

If we look past the heat and humidity and heat and sweat and humidity there are some redeeming qualities.

Like summer vacation. Travis is off work for two and a half months.

And watermelon. Ripe and sweet and cold, man-o-man that stuff is so, so good.

And grilling out. Good food that I don't have to cook since Travis is the Grill Master at our house. It's like going to a restaurant for dinner but cheaper and with a better looking cook.

Another things: summer wheat. I don't know where you live, and if you ever get to drive by wheat fields, but to me they are absolutely beautiful. Golden wheat blowing in the wind takes my breath away. I am drawn to them even after the grain has been harvested - the piles of stalks laying in rows waiting to be baled and then the giant round straw bales sitting in the field - I love it.

That's it, folks. That's my list. What about you? What do you love about summer? I will gladly consider other perks of June, July, and August.

quick updates

2011-07-12T15:57:00.000-05:00

1 - We are back in the house. It is 96% finished - just some trim and baseboards left. It's marvelous. But I still wish it was 100% done.

2 - Our schedule (meaning the kids') is really messed up. They are tired and grumpy because of it, and so am I. Lydia is probably the worst. After me. Pray for us.

3 - Early Thursday morning Travis is leaving for a conference. I am also getting a little vacation. I am excited and praying for safe travels.

4 - My friend, Lisa, had a baby boy 6 days ago. I got a good look at Mr. Quentin yesterday and he is as cute as cute gets. Congratulations, Lisa!!!!

my spiritual gift

2011-07-05T12:11:00.000-05:00

I recently spent most of my kids' quiet time taking an online spiritual gifts test. Of course the reason I did is only because I want to figure out how I can better serve the Lord and has nothing to do with any pity parties I've been to lately. (You wouldn't know about the parties because I was the only one invited.)

I have a desire to do something important-y. Now. Like write a book (like her or her or her). I have all kinds of great ideas for books to write. But the book ideas that are really good might actually need to be written by other people. So maybe I could launch a ministry for parents who carry the cross of infertility or the loss of a child. But without money and free babysitting I'm pretty limited in what I can do. So maybe I should go back to work and do awesome things like meet deadlines, give presentations, and impress my boss.

Of course all this is just to chase away feelings of being lackluster. Boring. Mediocre.

I keep feeling like my life is ridiculous - stressful despite the monotony - a dance of keeping kids hydrated, fed, clean, happy, and well rested by doing the same thing over and over again. It is unglamorous, demanding, and leaves me with little time for myself.

I also kept hearing a whisper of Truth in the waaaay back, behind all the noise of my inner temper tantrums, reminding me that I don't have to feel impressive to be doing something massively important and beautiful. That voice is also reminding me that if I want peace I need to make sure I'm doing what God wants me to do.

His will is our peace.

But, I still wondered, is this all that He wants me to do?

It is legitiment to believe that my life is more than being able to keep up with the choreography of two toddlers and a baby. Being a wife and mother are two very, very important parts of who I am. But they are not all that I am, and for me it is incredibly important to not forget that.

Yet, I believe in the "season of life" perspective - that in this season of my life most of my time and talent will be focused on my husband and children. In this season there will be little time for writing blog posts - let alone books! - or reading books or long lunches with friends. But this is just a season. The next season, when my kids are in school, my days are a little more my own. The other parts of me, I believe, will come out even more when my children need me less. That might be in five years, it may be in twenty-five years. The important thing for me to do along the way is just make sure I'm doing what He wants.

Still, as I sat down to take the spiritual gift test I wondered if there was some great undiscovered skill in myself that once found would allow me to really do awesome things. Jaw-droppinly awesome things right now, in the season of life of five poopy diapers in an hour, doctors appointments, baths, naps, schedules, and meltdowns. What I found instead is that I am already utilizing the gifts He gave me - I just hadn't named them before or thought of them as gifts and so thought little of them.

My top three, in order, are Faith, Hospitality, and Exhortation.

Faith: This gift is what got me through the last year. I believe in God and His promises and difficult circumstances do little to those beliefs. Even without taking the test I could have told you I had this gift - I never strayed from my faith and it has always been easy for me to accept the teachings of the Church. Thank God.

Hospitality: This gift helps me to connect with people, making them feel welcome and valued. It leads me to connect with people. I never saw this as a gift from God and, quite frankly, I feel a bit of relief that my desire to have people over and feed them is rooted in something holy as sometimes I've wondered if I'm just desperate for friends.

Exhortation: This gift allows me to go to people to "comfort, counsel, and encourage" and "bring out the best in people." Rebuking is a part of it but is done in a gentle, positive way that builds up. [source] Reading this was eye opening for me and I finally understood why I have such a strong attraction to fraternal correction and the first three Spiritual Works of Mercy: admonish the sinner, instruct the ignorant, and counsel the doubtful. I desire these things for myself (to have people fraternally correct me) and to see them more in our Catholic culture.

Faith, Hospitality, and Exhortation - they fit together well, I think. Knowing these gifts does not mean that I shall now go off and do something amazing, but the information will facilitate a much better job at doing what I am doing. I now have a proper lens with which to view my intentions, time spent, and aspirations. I can rest in the knowledge that God gave me these gifts to do His will, and so when I am utilizing them in a Spirit-led way I can have peace that that it is His will I am doing. Discernment doesn't go out the window now that I have these three labels but it does get a heck of a lot easier.

The really beautiful thing for me is that these gifts pair very well with being a wife and mother. Right now I can be fully utilizing these gifts. My husband and children can (and do!) benefit from them, as can my friends and family. They will beautifully carry over to each next season of my life yet they fit so perfectly within this current season. I don't have to feel that my life is a silly repetitive dance of diapers, food, sleep, and play. I can know that in showing my children and husband hospitality, in counseling them to do the right thing, and in holding firmly to my faith in God I am blessing their lives, strengthening my own virtue, and bringing glory and honor to the Lord.

I don't think that sounds boring, mediocre or ridiculous. I think that sounds like exactly what I want. Right now.